I Hate You // Cody Carson (REWRITING/ON HOLD)

Chapter 16

Finding things to get myself isn't hard but finding things to get other people is really hard. I've realized this since I have been in almost every store and only got two things and one was for myself. I had already got Elise's present, that one was easy because it was like buying something for myself.

I have no idea what to get for Maxx or Cody and that is the main reason I am still walking around. I also really don't know if I should get my mom a present or not. I plan on getting my dad something, and he'll be happy with almost anything. If I get my mom something I don't even know if she'll actually want it or not.

It could just end up being another thing that she'll say sucks. She hasn't liked what I've got her for the last two years so I really don't know why it would change this year. If I'm getting my dad something its probably a good idea to get her something to though.

Three hours later and I have all of my shopping done. Except for my mom. I don't even know what to get her. The last couple of years of got her something and she hasn't even tried to hide the fact that she didn't like it. So I've basically run out of ideas on what to even get her at this point.

Maybe I should just get her a necklace, since thats literally the only thing that I've never got her before. She also really likes jewelry. I guess if she doesn't like what I pick out she can just go get something for herself.

I wish my relationship with my mom was still like it was up until I was sixteen. Thats when she got mad because I didn't want to be a nurse anymore. She wanted to plan out my whole life for me and it was getting harder and harder for her to do. She didn't like the fact that I liked to hang out with Maxx and his friends so often. She didn't like the music that I was starting to listen to. She didn't like the clothes I wanted to wear and tried to dress me everyday.

Before then we would go Christmas shopping together, she also actually acted like she liked the presents that I would get her. Now it seems like I can't do anything right, everything that I do is wrong in some kind of way.

I decided to just go home because I really don't know what to get her. I also at this point don't want to spend tons of money on something that she's going to never wear or not like.

When I got home Cody wasn't home yet. I feel like I did nothing and the whole trip was a waste. I only got presents for one persons, and Christmas is really close.

I just really wish that my family was different. Not really Maxx or my dad, just my mom. I used to be able to make her so proud with the things that I would do. Now nothing can make her happy, nothing at all. I feel like everything that I do makes her less proud of me.

I can't do anything right to her. I just want to make her proud again, I want it to be like it used to be. I miss when I was close to my mom.

The door unlocked and Cody came in. I didn't move from my spot on the couch though. I didn't want to. I kind of wanted to be alone but at the same time I really did want to be with Cody.

"What's wrong." I didn't realize that I was actually crying until Cody asked what was wrong.

"Nothing."

"Thats a lie and you know it." I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk or not. I could tell him everything or I could just keep it to myself like I normally do. I liked the idea of keeping it to myself, but I also don't like keeping things from Cody.

"I know." Cody didn't say anything back he was waiting for me to say something to him.

"Its my mom, I used to be able to make her so proud and happy with the things that I would do. Now I can't do anything right. Everything that I do is wrong. She's also always in my thoughts, like today. I only got presents for one person because I started thinking about her and just gave up on shopping. If it wasn't for her I would probably the happiest I ever have been. I wasn't really happy with Jacob it was more of a relationship that was forced, and I was afraid to end. Im happy with you, Im happy not living at home. Now that I should be really happy I'm not because I can't do things that are right to her. I miss the way that me and my mom would be able to talk, and could talk without arguing about something. I miss the way that some old things used to be. I want those old things and new things to mix, but no matter how hard I try I can't."

I said yelling and talking really fast not knowing if Cody understood half of what I said. It felt good to get it all out though. I finally told someone everything that was on my mind, it wasn't just built up inside anymore.

"It's your life and you shouldn't let her try to run it. You never know maybe things will go back to old ways with you and your mom."

"It's to hard to talk to her she never wants to listen, and whatever I say is a lie, or something stupid to her."

"How about we go get ice cream so you can stop thinking about her."

"Yeah, that sounds good. First I need to go fix my face." I pointed to my face.

"I don't think you have to and that you're pretty anyways but if thats what you want to do hurry up."

"Okay whatever you say."

Once I was ready to go we left.

Cody order chocolate ice cream, and so did I. We sat down at a table and talked about our days. It turns out Cody didn't get me anything yet either.

"Why didn't you like me?" Cody randomly asked.

"Well you didn't like me either just incase you forgot, and we kind of just hated each other for no reason."

"But why."

"Cody, I will throw this ice cream cone at you."

"Fine I'll stop, I don't want to be beat up by some ice cream." I started pouting after he said that.

"Don't do that now I feel bad."

"You should. I should also still through this ice cream at you."

"Please don't"

"Okay you get away with it this time."

The rest of my night was spent with Cody and not thinking about my mom. I really want to talk to her but I don't know how to and I am scared to.

It probably won't happen anytime soon, for now I'll just keep things the way that they are.