I Hate You // Cody Carson (REWRITING/ON HOLD)

Chapter 18

"Lex why do you let what she says get to?" Lex was something Cody recently started calling me. It's been a months since we talked to my mom at the mall and it's all I can think about. "I don't know it just always has, it's not something I can really control." He just nodded and we sat in silence for awhile.

"I wish things with her could be like they used to be." Me and Cody are currently laying on the couch together on our phones. He put his phone down to look at me before he said anything. "Do you think if you tried to talk to her with no one there she would listen?" "Probably not. She obviously really doesn't want to because she didn't come when I graduated. I knew my dad would I just thought maybe she would come with him."

I graduated a month ago. It is now time to choose what I'm doing with my life and I don't know what to do. I can do what is easiest or the harder one. Cody also won't help me make the decisions. I've asked him a lot to help me and he said that what I do is up to me. I'm actually the worst person at making decisions so it could take a long time. If I was making this decision a couple of years ago I would've went to my mom to help me, but I can't do that now.

All of my thoughts always lead back to her. I could be thinking about what I'm going to eat or thinking about something that I want to do and it goes back to her. I feel like there is nothing I can do to get rid of her. I can avoid her and not talk to her but she is still constantly on my mind and feel like I can't control it at all. 

"Are we going to do anything today?" Cody asked bringing me out of my thoughts. "I don't know. Do you have something that you want to do?" "I don't really have nothing that I want to do but I am hungry." I was too, and I honestly want to get out of the house so I can stop thinking. "We can go get food and then maybe go get a couple of things that we need." 

We went and got food and then decided to go to walmart. We really only need a couple of things to eat and I needed shampoo. "Alex why does it take so long to pick out shampoo?" Cody asked while laughing at how long I was taking. I was taking a long time but it hadn't been that long. "It hasn't been that long. You also know making decisions isn't really a thing that I do." He just laughed at me more. His laughing stopped when he saw someone. 

"Who are you looking at?" He just kept looking for a couple of seconds before answering. "Maddie." I haven't talked to her in months. I've kind of gotten over everything, I just can't trust her anymore. I finally picked out a bottle so we could leave the aisle. "That made you make a decision." I just nodded and kept walking with him to get the rest of the things that we needed. 

When I got home I got on my phone and saw that I had three text messages. Two were from Maddie and one was from my dad to call him just to see what was going on. Maddie's were both about that she saw me and Cody in walmart. I decided to just tell Maddie that I also saw her but me and Cody were in a hurry and tell my dad that I would call him in around an hour. Maddie didn't respond, but she normally takes a long time to respond. My dad responded right away and told me that he had something to tell me. 

I ended up calling him in less than an hour. He picked up almost as soon as the phone started ringing. "Hello." At first he asked me questions about whats been going on in my life and then he got really serious about something. "I have something to tell you." I really couldn't think of what it was but he was serious about it so it had to be something important. "What do you need to tell me." He took a couple of seconds before speaking again. "Your mom and I are getting a divorce." I didn't know how to respond to him. 

I almost feel like it's my fault but I also don't. I don't know how to feel about it, I'm not happy about it but I'm not really upset about it. Maybe it's been coming for a long time and it's not my fault. "Have you told Maxx?" I didn't know what else to say. "No, I decided to tell you first and I'm probably going to try to call him soon." We ended the phone call after talking about Maxx for awhile. 

"What did your dad want." Cody came and sat down next to me on the couch. When he was finally siting I laid my head down on his shoulder. "My parents are getting divorced." He was kind of shocked, like I was but I could tell he also didn't know what to think. "Oh." I didn't except a long response from him because of the way that he reacted. 

"I don't know how to feel, I do feel like I should be more upset than I am though. I also almost feel like it's my fault." Cody was always a person that would listen to what I had to say when I spoke. "Its not your fault and you probably don't feel very upset about it because of how you and you mom are." I just nodded, he is probably right but my mind still keeps thinking it's my fault. "Has he told Maxx?" I'm happy that he's decided to change what we were talking about a little. "He said that he was going to try to call him soon so no." 

We talk about things for awhile before deciding to call Maxx to ask him if he wanted to go eat with us. Me and Cody both didn't feel like making food. Maxx said that he would and he also told me about our parents even though he knew I already knew. While we were eating Maxx said that he didn't know how to feel about it either. 

By the time that we got home it was really late and we just went to sleep. I really don't know what I would be doing without Cody in my life.