Sigh.

Doubt

Does anyone gets this feeling? The feeling that you're blessed with Islam but you're not worthy enough to be a Muslim? Cause you know that no matter what you do, you will never be able to return to Allah all the blessings He had blessed us with.

And you have this feeling that you don't do enough. And you soon realise that all your efforts you start but you never repeat the act regularly. And you remember that the most loved deed to Allah is the most repeated. Some acts of sunnah remain constant but some you lose easily. And when it comes to Nawafils...let's not even go there.

You feel yourself lose hope in your abilities to please Allah. You've displeased mankind so many times...how do you think that the Most High can ever be pleased with your puny little efforts? Allah doesn't need them...for Allah is self-sufficient.

And you remember how Allah is most forgiving. Yet, you believe you haven't done anything worthy of His forgiveness.

You know that Allah is the all hearing...yet why will He listen to you?

As we all know...Iman dips and then can rocket. But...does anyone get the feeling that they're stuck in a rut...they're still trying but I guess they're still waiting for a response or a miracle to happen. As in yeah..the level of Iman still fluctuates but you're waiting until you the miracle happens so that you can remain at a constant high. So that you never return to your bad ways....or succumb into repeating the same sin repeatedly. You're in limbo mode...just waiting to see when that shall happen. But in reality..you don't actually know what you're waiting for. And it what form it shall come... I've ha experiences that have led me to know that this happens constantly.

And I guess I'll know when I'm meant to.
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I apologise if I bore you with my work. This is just my brain going off on tangents and currently I'm just trying to clear some space in my brain and creating a brain dump here.