ANCHOR

Chapter 17

  HOPE

   "Mel. I know. I know it's bad. I know." I tried to calm her voice, high pitched and eerie through the tiny speaker on my cell phone. "What about Jared?!? You're absolutely hot and amazing boyfriend?" she snorted, her disgust evident in her voice. I knew she was jealous, head to toe. It killed my mood a little, to be honest.

  "Thats my point Mel. I think I'm gonna-" "No," she cut me off. "You've known Sam for two days. You've been going out with Jared for two years. Do you even realize how insane you're being? You need to take some time to think this through before you do anything. Like, really." she huffed, and then hung up.

   So I thought. I lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I thought and thought and thought. All I saw was Sam, his eyes quiet and warm. Sam when he was seven, concentrating on pulling a thorn out of my wrist. Sam when he was nine, hurting and broken. Sam today, beautiful and caring.

   Two Years Earlier

   Me and Mel were running inside the school, the rain soaking my hair and clothes. The drops were pelting into my face, so I had my head down, concentrating on the flooded pavement, the little splashes that exploded with each step I took.

    Bam! I had run straight into someone, and was sprawled on the ground. I was overflowing with embarrasement, and my butt was absolutely soaked. I stayed there though, awkwardly staring at the boy with the blonde hair, wet and falling in front of his face.

   "Sorry." I mumbled, and he helped me up.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

   I ran over to the entrance of the school, where Mel was waiting. Her brown curls were dotted with drops, her make up a little smudged. I was happy I hadn't worn any. "What was that about?" she asked, chuckling. I didn't answer, and stomed in the doors blushing.

  His locker was two over from mine. When he came to retrieve his books, I hid my face. I felt a touch on my shoulder. I looked behind me, and there he was, grinning a large, toothy smile. "Just thought I'd tell you I was here, so maybe you won't run me over this time." I felt my heart pick up it's pace, as I admired his features.

   He was absolutely model perfect.

  In a week, he asked me out. We kissed.

   He was the type of person that girls obsessed over, and I always felt special, knowing I had him all to myself.

  Two months after  we had been going out, he told me to come meet his parents. They were absolutely rich. They were insanely nice and I became self conscious of my mom. That's when me and her started drifting apart.

   I asked him to see my mother, though, a couple days after that. I remember lecturing her. Telling her not to go in her studio, to make sure she would talk to him. I was screaming at her, asking her, "please, for this once, be normal." I saw her tears start to form as I yelled, and I didn't even feel a bit of pity. I was so disgusted with her for not being like Jared's parents. The doorbell rang, and my heart sank. She looked like a mess.

  I opened the door, and there he was. Fresh cut out of a magazine. I took him in to meet my mom, lead him down the hallway while praying, please mom. don't mess this up. There she was, sitting on the couch, with the fakest smile I have ever seen, her eyes still red and teary.

  "You must be Jared." Her voice cracked. "Nice to meet you." Her eyes shifted nervously to her studio, then back again. Her hair looked like it was attempted to be matted down, but loose strands were sticking into the air. "You too." Jared replied, unsure and afraid.

  I took him up to my room, afraid to be embarrased anymore. When I went downstairs to get something to eat for the both of us, my mom's loud sobs were audible through the glass door.

  After that, he always had plans whenever I wanted him to come over my house. Eventually, I just stopped asking.

  He got me presents for my birthday and valentines day, jewelry and cards. He was the most perfect boyfriend that anyone could want.

  But then there was Sam.

  My mind was spinning with decisions, and I felt terrible if I had to break Jared's heart, the boy who had been so good to me for 2 years. Two happy, perfect years. Somehow I knew if I kept seeing him, that was all there was going to be, those two years, frozen in time.

    I knew that what I felt with Sam was something much bigger, much more than two years. And I knew it in a matter of days.

   This was going to be difficult.

   I picked up my phone, and dialed Jared's number. "Hey babe." I heard his voice, soft and sexy on the other end. "Hey Jared. Can we talk?" He sounded confused when he said; "Yeah?" "No," I told him, "not on the phone. On the beach. Meet you there in 15." Confusion was still eminant in his voice as he said, "Okay."

  I thought of how dissapointed Mel was going to be with me, and i prayed that she would forgive me. I exited my room and went over two my mom's studio. "Hey mom?" I asked, creaking the door open a little. Her blonde hair was loose, as it was that night I took Jared to see her. I felt bad, knowing I had been an absolute bitch to her.

  I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her. I heard the keyboard stop it's repetitive melody, and felt a little victory in my heart. "Yeah baby?" she asked, her voice a little off. "Do you think I could borrow your car? " I asked. "Of course." She replied. I held on a little longer, feeling the skin and bones she had become, her pointy shoulders sticking into me.

  I let go, and heard the keyboard start again.

  It struck me that I'd never gone to that beach by myself, or even in any vehicle other than Jared's. It hurt a little.

  I had no idea how Jared was going to take it. I had no idea how to take it myself. I've never had to break up with someone before.

 He was already there, sitting in the sand, facing the ocean. I got out of the car, and smelled the sickly salty air. I walked over to him, and decided it wouldn't be right to sit down.

  So I just stood there, awkardly looking down at him. It reminded me painfully of when we first met, but we were in opposite positions. So it ends the same way it began.

"Hey." he said, his gaze still not leaving to ocean.

"Hey."

"I know what you're going to do. I'll save you the trouble of getting it out." He said sadly, and I felt my heart crush. This was terrible.  

"I- Jared- I.." I stuttered.

"It's okay." He told me, still not meeting my gaze. "I get it. It couldn't last forever, right?" He chuckled, as if trying to make a joke.

He looked up to me then, and I could see how torn he was. His smile was tight, and his eyes were sad.  

I got down on my knees, and wrapped him in my arms. I hugged him so tight I'm sure he'd snap.

He didn't.

"Jared. You were the best boyfriend I could've ever asked for. I just need a break. I hope you'll forgive me."

I let go, and stood back up. His eyes shifted back to the ocean, and stayed there. It was clear this conversation was over. I walked back into the car, hoping he'd have it in him to talk to me again.

 If he didn't, I wouldn't blame him.