ANCHOR

Chapter 21

 HOPE

Sam looked helpless from where he sat infront of me, his eyes lined with exhaustion and his brows furrowed. His head was resting in his palms, his elbows proped on his knees. We had been sitting in Derek's room for hours, watching some stupid movie that on my laptop that was propped on Derek's desk.

    The room had gotten muggy, and Derek was figeting under Sam's covers. Sam's eyes kept wandering to Derek, worried and restless.

Derek groaned lightly, and shifted.

Sam's eyes stayed on Derek for a long time. His lanky body was tense and I watched a muscle in his arm flex as he drummed his fingers against his cheek anxiously. His eyes seemed lost in thought as they remained in the direction of Derek, as I studied him. He was absolutely gorgeous, and I found myself staring at the shape of his nose, how it fit perfectly with his defined cheekbones, his hard jawline. His perfect features were tight and I imagined how well a smile fit on them, comfortable and loose, like a favorite pair of jeans.

   I heard a breathy sigh from Derek and saw that he had fallen asleep. His forehead was dotted with a little sweat and his red hair was messy, framing his face that looked a little like Sam. He had thrown the covers off of him, his arms were held close to his body, his long legs dissapearing under the covers.

  Sam's chair creaked in protest as he rose and gently walked over to my laptop, turning off the movie and unplugging it. His eyes were heavily lidded and I wanted to hold him in my arms, fall asleep on his shoulder. I gave him a smile and accepted the laptop as he handed it over to me, and then walked quietly out of the room into the bathroom, so we could talk.

  "I'm so sorry Hope." He whispered, closing the door behind him. He sat on the edge of the bathtub, and ushered for me to do the same. He leaned his body up against the wall, his back slouching. He looked so exhausted that it made me tired.

   "Sam." I told him, reaching for his hand and lacing his fingers with mine. "Derek will be fine. It's late, and you need some sleep." His eyes seemed to brighten the slightest bit when I held his hand, so I kept it there. "Thanks for just staying with me. He has gotten sick before, but it's just with everything he's been through, I mean all he has is me and that's not much..." He trailed off and I saw his tired eyes begin to glisten with tears.

    I scooted over, my shoes making a quiet noise on the hard tile, and wrapped my arms around him, leaning against the wall. He melted in to me, his body relaxing. I heard his breath catch a little, and my heart stopped. He was so delicate, so fragile. So easy to break.

    Just like my mom, he weakened because life had thrown him too many challenges. But unlike her, he turned towards me, instead of away.

   "Sam" I whispered into his neck, over and over. Just because it felt right. Just because it was one thing that I knew, steady and certain, that would always stay the same. That name with that face with that heart. I said it until he got hold of himself, I said it until he held me, arms length away, looking into my eyes.

   "Hope." He told me, just like I'd told him his name. I managed a soft smile and ran my hand up his long arm, the tip of my finger tickled by all the soft hairs. I ran it up his shoulder, up his neck, where i felt him swallow, and up to his cheek, where I wiped a tear away.

   The tiredness in his eyes had seemed to be absent when I brought my vision back to them. "Yeah?" I asked. "You don't know how much I want to thank you right now." He told me, like it was the most important thing in the world, his brown eyes serious.

   I couldn't help it, I smiled a little. "You don't need to." I told him, and traced my hand down his arm again, placing it back in his hand. He was quiet and stared at our hands for a long time, then shyly lifted his eyes to mine and whispered, "yes. I do." He placed a soft kiss on my forehead, then held his gaze with mine for a long time. "I'm just not sure how to." He told me. It sent chills up my spine, then I saw his gaze melt over, him start to think about Derek again.

   "Derek can really only talk to me." He started, his eyes flooding with sadness yet again. "He gets bullied at school, abused at home. I mean, hell, what else does God have in store for him?" He asked, anger begining to tint his words, his voice getting a little louder. "He is the sweetest kid alive, and this is what he gets?" He closed his eyes and shakes his head slowly, "I'm sorry Hope." He told me, as if he had done something wrong.

  I wanted to kiss him but it wouldn't have been right, not with what he was feeling, not then. "You can have all the food in the world and still starve, and you can have barely anything and thrive." I told him, not quite believing the words myself. "It isn't what life throws at you, but what you do with it." I continued, trying to find something that would hit jackpot, something that would ease his breaking heart. "Derek may not have the best circumstances, but that doesn't mean hes as unhappy as you think he is." He thought about this, long and hard. I could literally see his brain churning amidst the silence.

  The tiredness began to settle back into his eyes, and i felt it tugging my eyelids shut. I stayed where I was though, knowing Sam needed someone. I looked around the dimly lit bathroom, which was painted a light blue and smelled slightly foul, the scent of Derek's throw up still wavering in the air. The thought made my stomach roll, and I gave Sam a light shove to help him up.

  "Go to sleep." I ordered for him to do, and he reluctantly pulled himself to his feet, then wrapped me up in his arms as he pulled me from where I sat. I felt his chin rest on my forehead, and I breathed in the scent of  him. "I'll walk you home." He told me, his hand finding mine easily.

   He lead me into the darkness, which had fallen without me noticing. I heard crickets chirping from the woods, and the grass was dewy and wet. He led me to my front step, the yellow light aluminating a small circle of pavement and grass. Bugs swarmed over where we stood, throwing themselves at the light.

   Sam's eyes were warm as he looked down to me, turning his body so we were facing each other. He wrapped his arms around my sides and pulled me closer, so I could feel his breath on my mouth as he spoke, his face reflecting the golden light above. "Hope." He told me, and I repeated, "Sam." I gave him a smile, unable to contain my pleasure. "I will see you tomorrow." He told me so matter-of-factly. "That you will." I retorted, and closed the space between our lips. 

  It was a quick, effortless kiss. A soft silent prayer of hope in the darkness, a place to hide when that was all we needed.

  I closed the door quietly behind me, worried that my mom might go to sleep. The entire house was silent, dark. I walked to the living room, willing my mom to be waiting on the couch, asking where I was. Turning on the light, I was only dissapointed. falThe couches was empty, just as they always had been, just as they always would be.

I walked to the studio and in seeing my mom had fallen asleep while writing, gave her a gentle peck on the top of her head. "Night Mom," I whispered. I closed the door behind me, turning off the lights, and retreating into my bed.

  Cuddling under my covers, sleep easily found me.