ANCHOR

Chapter 23

HOPE 

  My mind lously came into focus before my eyes opened, the inside of my eyelids filling with images and thoughts. I thought of last night, Sam's embrace. It gave my stomach a strong sense of purpose, reason to get up. I was never much of a morning person, but here I was, rolling out of bed, at 7 in the morning.

  "I've loved you since the day I met you," I heard those words in the chirping birds, painted in the lazy golden light splayed in a puddle across my wooden floor. I seemed not to be waking into another morning, yet another world.

     I reached for my phone, seeing I had one new text message. Sam. My heart beat hard in my chest, and I pressed read. "Good morning beautiful :)," the first line read. I was so swept off my feet that I found myself sitting back on my bed, afraid i might fall from the sudden rush to my head.  "I'm thinking of taking Derek to the zoo if he's feeling alright. Would you want to come?"  I was about to send him a quick text saying yes, but something was nagging at me to call him. Hear his voice. 

   I pressed in the numbers on my phone, each button giving with a soft click. I held it to my ear, each ring making me anxious, just to hear his voice. What if he was asleep? I thought. What if it was a bad time? Maybe I should have texted him. His voice, cheery without any trace of exhaustion, calmed my worries. "Hope." He spoke. "Sam." I told him, folding a peice of my sheets between my fingers then continuing, "How's Derek?" I asked. "He's fine." He told me, sounding significantly better than the last time we had spoken. "So the zoo?" I asked him, a soft chuckle escaping my lips. "Yeah." He chuckled as well.

     His voice softened, filling with something so sweet and tempting I could almost feel its thickness spilling through my phone's speakers. "I made a promise." The words didn't make sense, but before I could question him, he pursued further. "I'm going to do everything in my ability to make Derek happy. Take him a new place everyday I can. I just cant-" His voice flooded with poison and disgust and I imagined his face twisting slightly as he spat the last few words out, "-stand seeing him like this."

   I understood fully, if anything too well. I felt his temper in every part of my body. "I know, Sam," I told him. I wanted to see him, it was torture not to be in his presence, merely meters away. My heart was tugging me in his direction. "When are you going?" I asked, before his quick reply. "Anytime your ready, Hope."

   I jumped into the shower, the scorching water burning my skin, the steam filling my nostrils. My mind flashed with Sam, Sam, only Sam. I found myself writing his name on the fogged mirror when I stepped out of the shower, wrapped with only a towel. My finger dragged a slow, careful heart around his name. He was everything now, and I knew it.

   I slipped on my clothes quick, some shorts and a t-shirt. It was nothing special, and I didnt even bother putting makeup on. It occured to me that maybe I should wear something more fancy, put on a dab of makeup, anything really that might impress him. I pushed the thought away, knowing that it was useless to try and hide when someone already knew you so well. So I skipped the makeup, and descended down the stairs to the kitchen, where my mom was perched on a kitchen chair.

   "Morning Mom." I sang, placing my hand gently on her shoulder. Her hair was lose around her shoulders, a little out of place. Her tired eyes rose up to greet mine, and I swore, for a moment, I saw a spark. Possibly a shadow of happiness, something along those lines. It stretched my smile wider on my face, and I bent down to give her a quick hug. She tensed under my arms, sighing slightly. I took it, nevertheless. "Morning baby," she said softly into my hair. I released her and told her I was leaving, and she only gave me a tiny smile, telling me to have fun.

   I lingered a little, after she dismissed me. Ask where I'm going. Who I'm going with. When I'm coming back. I begged her in my mind. Anything, any kind of proof that you still care about me. She just pulled her eyes away from mine, her gaze disappearing into some space, some world without me. I walked away slowly, trying to give her more time. She didn't so much as release a breath, so I told her I loved her, then closed the door behind me.