ANCHOR

Chapter 20

SAM

 Hearing those words escape those lips, her eyes wide and full, I never expected to feel everything I did. It was better than a kiss, better than a look. It was the best words I have ever heard, and I wanted to write them into a song, lace them into a melody even though they seemed to be strong standing all themselves. I knew she was the one, more than I ever had before.

   "I've loved you since the day I met you, Hope."  I told her, feeling the weight of the words pressing on my chest, unable to still my fast beating heart. I set the guitar aside, and wrapped her thin body up in my arms, pressing my face to the top of her head. She rested her head against my shoulder, and I could feel her small nose sticking slightly into my collarbone. Her breath warmed my skin through my shirt, steady and slow. It was something beautiful, having someone who you knew would be there when you needed them. It was amazing to have someone to hold, someone to comfort. Someone to be there when all you needed was an anchor to keep your ship steady in a storm.

   We stayed there, basking in the silence and soaking in everything that didn't need to be spoken. I loved her, she loved me. In a crazy world sometimes the simple things are the most important.

  She lifted her head to me, her face so close I could count the freckles splattered on her cheekbones. "Sam?" she asked me, her peircing gaze softened. "Hope?" I asked her, admiring how flawless her skin was, perfect and tempting. "I was a lot like Derek at his age. I knew what it was like to feel lost, like no one was there. In 8th grade the only person I had was Melanie, like I'm sure Derek has you. My mom wasn't very....open, like your Dad is. Mel was in none of my classes and I had a hard time adjusting to not knowing anyone." She turned around too look at the closed door in the direction of his room, then continued. "Things get better. Everyone has bad times but they make the good times all the much better."

  I run my hand through her dark hair, letting them get caught in the long curls. "Thanks Hope. I needed that." Our faces were still inches apart, and I liked it.

  "What was that about your Mom?" I asked, "If you want to talk about it, that is." My mind flashed back to the woman, blonde hair, yelling and running over to the crash, oblivious to her little girl who had fallen. Her eyes remained the same as they were before, not showing any hurt. "She has closed herself off from the rest of the world, including me. She stays in her writing studio, barely eats, I don't even know if she sleeps. She barely talks to me, and I know she doesn't care about me, about anything." My heart sank when I heard this, but I knew what she meant. She was like a living breathing ghost, kinda like I was at my last school. "I think she thinks the crash was her fault, cause they were fighting and he stormed out. If they weren't, it never would've happened." She told me. 

"Do you think it was her fault?" I asked her, watching her blue eyes turn desperate, as she told me, heartbroken, "I think about it all the time. Part of me blames her, I know I shouldn't but I cant help it. I mean if she didn't get my Dad upset..." I saw tears start to form in her eyes, her glance never shying from mine. "If I went down there, he wouldn't have stormed away. I could've stopped it, Sam." She told me, her shoulders beginning to shake with sobs.

 She buried her head into my chest, and I rested my chin on the ton of her head, stroking her hair. I could feel the tears begin to soak my shirt as the time spanned and grew longer. I held her in my arms, feeling her let go of everything she had held inside for all these years. "It's okay." I told her, over and over and over because ever since she had come into my life, I had began to have faith in this world.

  I heard her catch her breath, and her shoulders stopped their shaking. I still held her there, her face into my chest, until there was an abrupt crash, coming from the direction of Derek's room. I got up quickly, nervous, feeling Hope trailing behind me.

  "Ugh." I heard the figure mumble on the floor, next to a chair that had tipped. His red hair was ruffled, his face flat on the ground and his body was in an unnatural position. "Derek? Derek are you okay?!?!?!" I yelled and ran across the room to him.

 He lifted his head from the ground, and his heavily lidded eyes struggled to see me, crouching before him. "Yeah." I barely heard him murmur. "Just... got... dizzy." He said, his eyes trying to come into focus. I saw him look behind me to where I assume Hope was standing, then back to me.

  "Do you want me to help you over to the bed?" I asked him, knowing it was stupid to worry about his comfort after he just fainted. But I didn't really know what to do; this had never happened before.

"Uhhh... " His eyes flickered to Hope, then over to his bed. I realized he was embarrased, but didn't worry much about it. I lifted his light, limp body into my arms and sat him on the bed. Once I let him go, his body hunched over, and he threw up all over his blue sheets and himself.

  "Ugh." I heard him mumble again, looking scared and unsure what to do. I lifted him into my arms again, taking him into the bathroom. He sat on the cold tile for a long moment, then scrambled over to the toilet to continue heaving. I sat on the side of the tub, momentarily forgetting about Hope, rubbing his back. Once he was finished, he was slicked with sweat, his breathing was rough.

  "Are you okay?" I asked him, realizing as I said it that it was a stupid thing to say. "Yeah," he managed, "now."

"Stay here." I ordered him, though I knew he wasn't going anywhere, his body sprawled on the floor. He nodded, and I closed the door behind me.

  Going into his room, I realized I had left Hope alone. I felt guilty, then grateful. Hope was there, Holding his navy blue comforter, having folded it in a way where the mess was inside. She looked at me with a small smile on her face. "Where do I put this?" She asked.

 "Jeez Hope, you didn't have to-" before I could finish, she interrupted me. "Where do I put this?" She repeated.

 "Uhhh outside. I'll clean it out there." With that she walked out of the room, and a couple seconds later I heard the front door close behind her. I stripped my bed of my blanket, and put it on Derek's. I took my trash can, emptied it, and put it next to his bed.

  Hope walked in the front door again as I went into the bathroom again, to find Derek where I had left him. "I'm sorry Sam. You don't have to-" I ignored him and took him back into my arms, back to his bed. "The trash can's there if you need it." I informed him, my stomach still fluttering with nerves.

  Sure, Derek's been sick before. There's just something about seeing your little brother look so helpless. "Thanks Hope" I said, feeling her by my side. "No problem." She told me, before looking to Derek.

 "Whenever I get sick," she started, "I always watch movies from my laptop. I'll bring it over for you, I'll be right back." She left the room, calm and full of purpose, and I was so happy to have her with me.

  I had just started to comprehend everything that had happened, when I realized something I would hold onto forever. All you really need amidst chaos is someone sure and steady, someone to hold onto when everything is coming undone.