ANCHOR

Chapter 19

HOPE

   Derek was the type of boy who seemed to keep to himself, and reminded me a lot of myself when I was his age. His tired eyes looked old and worn, much unlike any other 14 year old. I instantly loved him, and strived to make him smile. When he did, I was so happy, it made me forget about Mel for a little. 

  I sat back in Sam's car, the leather pressing against my bare legs. Sam's warm hand had found it's way into mine, and he was stoking his thumb on my skin. I had to admit, even the slightest touch from him made my heart beat fast, and my troubles seem to melt away. I heard myself sigh from his soft touch. I filled with gratitude towards his awareness of me. No one saw through my disguise, not Mel, not Jared. I was an expert and faking happiness, I had practiced it all my life. But when it was torn away, I realized how good it felt to be completely honest with him.

He pulled into my driveway, and I my heart sunk with dissapointment. Being alone would mean me trying to figure out how to talk to Mel, which I knew wasn't gonna happen. She was one stubborn son of a bitch, but I loved her for it. I hestited, but unclicked my seat buckle, and but my hand on the shiny metal door handle. I was about to open the door when he reached his hand out towards me.

    "Wait." Sam told me. "If you... want. Maybe you could come over?" I knew he hesitated to ask me because he was afraid of his father. That sounded so great to me at the moment, but I was worried if he'd get in trouble. I eyed him, as if to ask him if it was okay, if he was sure. He gave me a silent nod, his eyes shimmering with gold, justifying what he had just said. "I would love that, Sam." I told him, and settled back down in my seat for the two second drive to his house.

  I walked next to Sam, the deck creaking under our feet. Derek followed close behind, retreating back into his shell. We stood infront of the door, which I stared at expectantly. The white paint was peeling, and the golden handle had a little rust on it. The blue shingles of the house had a some mold on them. His hand hovered over the knob, and then he turned his head over to me, giving me an expression I could translate roughly to "here goes nothing."

   I saw the kitchen to the right, and the window I had looked through before. I saw, it my head, Sam being struck again, his quiet whimper as he fell to the ground. Looking to the left, I saw the cause of his pain so many years ago. His father was sitting on a large chair in the corning, facing in out direction. He looked just as I had remembered him, like a complete mess. His eyes were lifted from the TV that was on, and his red eyes were trained on me. I swallowed my fear, and gave him a cheerful "Hi." His face became contorted, at what I assumed to be an attempt of a smile, or what he thought one might look like. His eyes fell back to the TV. Sam led me down the hall to his room, and across it Derek retreated into his room.

It was simple, a guitar in the corner, a closet, a small mirror, a bed, and a small desk. Sam sat down on the bed as I looked around.

 When my gaze fell to Sam, my heart fell all the way to my feet. His eyes were trained on me, studying me. It was like the first day, his warm eyes dissolving into mine, my thoughts disapearing. 

I hadn't regretted the decision I made, Sam over Jared. I just wondered why it was so difficult for Mel to accept it. I thought he had eased the pain before, but here, in his eyes, it was completely gone. He was looking at me from under those long eyelashes, his brown eyes shining and his mouth still. I sat next to him on the bed, seperating a foot between our two bodies. I couldn't think of anything but him.

I remembered how I felt when he had embraced me before, or when we kissed. I wanted to reach out and feel him under my fingertips, all to myself. I refrained myself from it, and instead filled the space with words, rather than closing it. "I really like Derek." I smiled. He stared at me, not cracking a smile.