I Can't Keep Pretending

Chapter 11

Tessa

"Now Tessa Ashton would like to come up and say a few words." The pastor said.

As I got to read the eulogy I heard silence all around me besides my moms hushed crying. Once I was at the podium I looked at Christian and he gave me a small smile mouthing 'you can do it'.

Taking a deep breath I began to talk,"I would first like to say thank you for being here today. Your love an support means a lot to my family and we could never express are gratitude. While I wish we were seeing you under different circumstances sometimes this is how life works.

I haven't seen many people in this audience for years, but they came to show there support. There are too events in life that bring people together who haven't talked in ages; weddings and funerals. Today is the latter, but it still amazes me how things in life work.

There are three things I know about life. One being that life isn't fair, and we can't pick the life we were born into, or the cards we were dealt. There is things we can change. Like what we do with are life. Nothing is set in stone, and just because you have a difficult home life doesn't mean you have to feel bad and envy others all your life.

I prayed a lot last night asking God what I should say today. My dad made many mistakes in his life. He lied, he cheated, and he abandoned us when we needed him most.

Now there were times that he was like a father to me and my siblings. Me more than them. He was around the most in my life.

The second thing I know is that life is full of regrets. Everyone in this room has at least one regret in there life. Something they wished the had done differently, not done at all, or something they always wanted to do but not had the courage. I bet my father had many regrets. I know I have a lot of regrets when it come to my father. What I wouldn't give to talk to him one more time. Just be able to see his face, or his smile. One more time to tell him that I did love him despite everything. I don't even remember the last words I said to my dad. Actually I don't remember the last time I talked to him, and that is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I guess what I am trying to tell you is that life is too short, and you never know which day is your last. You should live your life to the fullest everyday you can, and though its close to impossible, try to live your life without any regrets. Right now if you're in a fight or not speaking to someone you love, swallow your pride and go make it right. Because if you don't will you be able to love with yourself if they died and you never got to talk to them again because you COUNDN'T, not because you WOULDN'T?

The last thing I know about life is that the only thing that covers the pain and hurt is love. Life can me so full of love and happiness. I have friends that I love, a mom and sister I couldn't live without, and a best friend that I love so much I would take a bullet for him," I glanced at Christian and smiled while silent tears streamed down my face. I told myself I would cry, and I had made it pretty far but this part always got to me. "And I think in his own way, even though he could show it all the time, my dad loved us too."

"Through out this whole experience I have learned the things that really matter to me in life, and that is people in. You can't replace anyone in this world because no one is exactly the same. God made us all different and out of the 3 billion people in this world there is only one you.

I loved my father and one day I hope I will come to peace with the regrets I have. I want to be able to love unconditionally, because really when you tell Someone you love them that's what it should mean. It means you will never leave them no matter what and my mom modeled that perfectly with my dad. Thank you all or coming agains, and hopefully you learned something today." I ended and suddenly everyone was standing up applauding me. Ever so slowly I made my way down to where Christian was standing. Once I got to him I went straight to his open arms and let out all the tears I had tried to hold in up there.

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Christian

Once the clapping died down others went up to say a few words, but nothing was as great as Tessa.

She really blew everyone away with her speech. She did it perfectly, and really impacted people today.

I was so sad she had to leave today. Right after the funeral was over I was taking her to the airport.

As everyone made their way to leave every person stopped Tess and told her how amazing she was. She would just politely say thank you and hug them goodbye. Even if he didn't even k ow the person...it was the same thing to every person.

When Taylor and Annilese came over the both had tears streaming down there faces and embrace Tessa in a three way hug.

"That was so beautiful Tessa. I can't stop crying." Annilese mumbled through her tears.

"Oh my gosh yes! You were amazing! I don't know how you keep from crying as long as you did!" Taylor exclaimed.

"Thanks guys...yeah it was really hard, but worth it in the end. I am glad I made myself do it. But hey guys I got to go or I am going to be late for my flight back to London."

"What? Your leaving already?" Taylor asked.

"Umm yes. I have to be back at school tomorrow so I need to get to leave today. You guys will have to come up and visit me though ok. You both have to promise you will!"

"We promise." They said at the same time.

"Ok I love you both! Bye." Tess said to them as we were leaving.

They both said,"Love you more! Bye!"

We headed to the car, and Tess got in to leave when I asked, "Shouldn't we say goodbye to you mom and sister?"

"No I already said bye and talked to them at the house."

I nodded and went to get in the car.

"So," Tessa started to say,"Are you still going to come up towards the end of thanksgiving break to spend the week with me?"

I had totally forgotten about that. I am so glad she brought it up.

"Oh my gosh yeah! I actually totally forgot about it! But yes, call me when you get back to London and we will sent concrete plans."

"Sounds good. Alright we'll we're here. You can just drop me off at the drop off place or whatever."

"Oh well I was think of walking in with you and..." Tess interrupted before I could finish.

"Christian I love you, and I am not trying to push you away, but I just need to be alone right now okay. I promise I will call when I get back to London as long as it is a time where I won't wake you! If you could please just get my bag out of the trunk that would be great."

I did as she asked knowing that she just needed space right now. Once I was standing in front if her handing he the handle if the bag I dropped it and brought her in for a bone crushing hug.

"I am going to miss you so much Tess! Please call me as soon as you can."

Not waiting for a reply I picked up her bag, gave it to her, and turned around to get in the car. I waited until I saw her enter the airport and then some, just to make sure she didn't need anything. Once I knew she wasn't coming back out I pulled the car away and started my drive back to Chicago.

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Tessa

Once I got back home to my tiny studio apartment I couldn't bring myself to do anything but change into some pj's and go to bed.

I will have to call Christian later because I just want to sleep after the last 48 hours I've had.

I didn't think my life would get any harder, but that was all about to change.

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Dunn duunnnn DUUUUUNNNN!!! Ohh plot twist coming up hehe! Ok so can I just thank everyone who had read my story? It means so much to me! I put this on wattpad on a whim not thinking I would even get 10 reads, and I have over 400!!!! U guys are amazing and the reason I will keep on writing more to Tessa and Christian's story!.