Well, this one is kinda complicated. I could do the opposite. Someone I Don't Hate As Much As I'd Like. Lol.
But I got to stick with this one. It is a challenge and I need to do it.
Hmmm...Someone I don't like as much as I'd like. Does it mean like as in like as a friend or more? I guess, it wouldn't matter how I'd write it.
Jesse...AKA Wildman...lol...the one that is talked about in my "Best Friend" topic...I think Day 1?
Jesse, he IS my best friend. No matter how many times, I'll only say "friend", he'll always be my best friend. (From this time period, of course. Friends do change over time.) BUT...he is also my ex. So, of course, we run into problems. But it's mostly me. My fault. I'm just so confused with my feelings. One mintue, I feel like I really want to be with him as a boyfriend...the next, I hate his guts and want him to leave me alone. Then the mintue after that, I want him to JUST be my friend and let go of the feelings for me. I just don't know. I want to explain this to him but I can't. It's TOO complicated. I love him, I really do. But which way?
For him though, I wished I could like him for more than a friend. I want to like him as a "boyfriend". I want to make him happy since he seems so stuck on me. But I don't know. I just don't think I think of him as a boyfriend right now. Or even as just a friend. I want it to be more than a friend but not a boyfriend. (No, I'm not talking about a friend with benefits. I don't care what this sounds like, that isn't what I mean, at all!)
I wish I could like him more than I do. Then we'd both be happy. :3 I know I love him but I wish I knew what way. Maybe, God has a plan as of to why this is happening the way it is. I don't know.
Why can't it just be simple?
But there is one thing.....I am sometimes, embarrassed by him. I don't know what it is. Maybe, that's just the way I had felt. HAD felt then...back in eighth grade when I dated him. Trust me, I didn't want to feel that way. Maybe, it was just me being insecure.
I really care for and about him. He was my first REAL boyfriend and he'll always have a special place in my heart...but I wished I knew what to do.
Do I need to let go and try and move on? Do I stay with him as friends until I figure it out, if that ever happens? Just jump in and date him..again...and see if anything's there? It's all too confusing for me!! I love him with everything I am but I just don't know. :(
I'm always asking myself questions...but I don't know.
And....then Bubba (my ex-boyfriend AKA Zombie Slayer) pops in my mind! I love him, too. And I know it's more than a friend. Well, then Bubba I know. It's been a year since him and I were together. So, maybe we would only be friends now.
But..Jesse. What is he to me? I say friend and deny liking him because its just too hard to explain to some people. I feel like they'd never understand or push me to be with him.
I'm just a very confused person. :P
(A/N Well, there you have it! Sorry, for just now posting it! ^.^ Got busy reading a story on here. And working on one of my own. Well, a couple of my own. I hope this one was good! Thanks for reading!! ^.^ Bless you all!)
