( A MONTH LATER )
Saturday 4th November
I've stayed at Dan's for a month now, he's making me see a counsellor which sucks. I went to the doctors aswell, I actually first went over 3 months ago, when... well:
3 Months Ago;
"So, what brings you here?" The doctor questioned. I stayed quiet.
"You nervous I know, I could kind of tell as the way you requested for a private appointment, does your mum know your here?" He asked.
"No, I told her I was just going shopping." I half smiled.
"On your own?" He chuckled. Ouch.
"Well, yeah, I would go with friends if they all weren't backstabbing prickheads." I snapped. He stayed silent as he typed on his keyboard.
"Okay, I think I have an idea of what this is about, tell me, carry on." He spun around on his black wheelie chair to grab blue papers, that had questions on them I couldn't quite make out, but I knew they were for me.
"Okay er....I've never known my Dad, nor my brother, and it's like he wants nothing to do with me, both of them, everytime I try to contact him he shuts me out as if I don't exist. My mum as also found a new man, Nick, he seems okay, but its scary, you know? My friends, well....what friends for starters, they all left me as soon as they told me, and I quote 'your boring and we don't like you anymore, your no fun and your still a virgin, who is anymore!?' And laughed right in my face. My boyfriend of a year was also in that group, and he raped me, abused me, I had to cover the bruises up, I also found out he was seeing another girl behind my back, which turned out to be my ex best friend, Lexi. The next month Nick moved in, all was great at the beginning, but my mum went out to work, working really long hours, thats when it started. Nick had become really abusive towards me, called me names, and made me feel worthless. I started to believe the things he said, and I still do.....I starting cutting, and still do, I've had suicide attempts when everyone has been out but failed. And now I'm here." The doctor looked astonished, shocked even.
"I would like you to fill out this sheet for me." He handed me the blue sheet from before, with a bunch of questions, and the title read: DEPRESSION TEST.
( END )
I've been diagnosed with Depression, Dan doesn't know, nor phil nor Keeley, who as since moved away but insisted we stay in contact. Dan does ask me why do I always cover up, and I just say because I'm constantly cold. He will never know.
Mum hasn't given a fuck about my whereabouts. No texts, no calls, no missing signs, nothing. And it hurts, the women who gave birth to me doesn't care. I could be dead, kidnapped by some escaped convict, raped again and held hostage, but she doesn't care.
I can feel myself getting weaker, my arms and legs are sore, my whole body aches, and I have no energy to carry on, I feel myself just slowly giving up, but I try not to let it show, but it gets tougher everyday.
Bonnie.
