Sunday 17th September
Lately i've been really down, but i'm not quite sure what is making me feel this way. I've declined every call from Dan and every text:
Dan
-Hey:D
-Hello?
-Bonnie?
-BONNIE!?
-Answer me.
-Are you okay?
There's more...a lot more, but it'f for his good and my good.
I'm not sure what to do. Nick has become a lot more abrupt with me since he has moved in, but only when my mum is out, he shouts at me for an unknown reason, calls me a disgrace, disappointment, that no one wants me. It's bad enough I already think them things, and fuck, it hurts to be told them from someone you thought was nice and genuine from a young age.
So right now i'm at park, just to clear my mind, which isn't working. I feel like nothing after what Nick said to me, its bad enough waking up every morning knowing that your real dad wants nothing to do with you. My mum told me to not be home for a while, whatever that means, but as she said it, she seemed very uneasy and afraid, I left, but at my own risk, not wanting to leave her, but I needed air.
Being at the park is quite a nice feeling, considering its going into Autumn, you get a nice breeze in your face, which I always like.
The sad part about me feeling down, is I can't really speak to anyone, mum wouldn't understand, Nick is beginning to be an asshole, and Dan.....I wish I could speak to Dan, but I can't. So I have it all inside, building up inside of me, crying in my room, at 2am, it sucks. And the bad part is, I don't know what makes me feel like this.
I've been having really dark thoughts, I try to brush them aside, and it works for a while, but they always find a way back into my mind, and then I just feel empty, like nothing, worthless. But I guess thats what I am, right?
Bonnie x
