Chapter 18: Video Games

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Mere trigger warning.

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25 days
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I felt the blurriness that clouded my view fade, everything in front of me becoming vividly clear. I tilted my head up to the mirror to find my appearance looking the same as it had been before I had become stranded in my mind. My hair still unkept and the bags under my eyes purple as always. But I noticed that now, my eyes were dazed and their pupils were so dilated that you couldn't tell what eye color I had. Though everything was seen clear as day at the moment, as if I had tiny windshield wipers lining my tear ducts, I was completely out of it. I felt as if I had just woken up from a five year coma.

"Autumn?" I heard a masculine voice from beside me. Initially I didn't even notice a body standing next to me, so close to me. But after hearing his voice, I felt the presence of somebody else taking up space the quaint bathroom. I felt the red blood in my veins run cold.

It couldn't be him. This is real, this is reality. He can't be here.

I swallowed a nervous breath and removed my view from the mirror, lowering my head cautiously to see two heavily inked arms by the counter of the sink. That's all I had to see before I knew who it was.

I didn't know whether to be relieved or not, the cold memory of the talk we had had last night flowing back into my mind immediately.

This was the voice that had called to me, reeling me back in from the reality that had been in my head. This was who had rescued me from myself.

"Stop that!" He demanded, I felt his grip yank my arm away from in front of myself, a sharp pain erupting in the wrist of my other arm sending stinging waves of pain up my entire arm.

"Ow!" I hollered. I tilted my head down and nearly screamed again at what caught my eye. I immediately felt my legs grow wobbly under me, threatening to collapse as my vision became blurry again.

I felt strong hands grasp my shoulder and Oli moved me carefully to the toilet lid, sitting me down. My gaze stayed in front of me, on the horror that was my wrist, everything behind it was a blurry back round, spinning and flipping every which way. The feeling was like riding a rollercoaster that looped upside down and went as fast as a bullet train. Sometimes you ride having your eyes open to see the blurry world underneath you as you scream and sometimes you just had to close your eyes tightly and grip the safety bar that was pressed up against you until your knuckles turned white and have your mouth clamped shut in fear. I was on a rollercoaster that started from the tips of my toes and looped all the way to the top of my head with rails spun repeatedly around my brain until it shot out my ear. This ride of distorted misery was one that didn't free you from the safety bar once the ride came to a halt. I was stuck in my seat and was forced to stay for another ride.

"Autumn?" His voice echoed in the bathroom, or maybe just in my mind. When he spoke it sounded like his voice was coming from the television in the living room, the sound passing through the walls that divided us; muffled and distant.

I felt myself completely zone out of my mind and my body, as if I was now just a heavy body without a soul to hold it. My soul somewhere nearby, but not close enough to make me feel alive or in control. My back slumped against the toilet and I blinked my kaleidoscope eyes rapidly, trying to capture steadiness. But instead, I found my body tilting sideways toward the wall, my body limp.

I heard him speak again and I turned my wary head to him as he crouched before me. He was closer now, closer to my face.

But I couldn't see his familiar heartfelt smile or his brown eyes that were always flooded with warmth. It blended in with the back round.

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