Fanboy |ShawnMendes|

#7

'Wha- what do you mean?' I stuttered. My heart was racing and I could feel the droplets of sweat beginning to form on my face and hands. I knew that going to dads for summer was a bad idea. If I hadn't left this wouldn't have happened. I knew why she was in hospital, I didn't need anyone to tell me. It's the same reason she ended up in there when I was seven.

'She overdosed on something, Annie's mom found her about an hour ago.' And then dad confirmed it all. I took in a shaky breath as we neared the hospital. 'That's all I know. We'll find out more when we get into this hell hole.'

Annie was obviously upset, my mom was once a normal woman who didn't do drugs or drink 24/7. Annie's mom, Abigail, and mine were best friends growing up and before mom went insane Annie was like a third daughter to her. Annie, Harry and their mom have been through it all with me and my family. They've seen all of the ups and downs and have always taken good care of myself and Claire.

I was scared of what faced me once I entered the doors that awaited me. I stood and stared at them for a few seconds before following dad and Annie in. The hospital smell hit me straight away. Man how I hated that smell.

Dad approached the desk and asked for Susan Collins, and the man pointed us towards her room. he beckoned us along. I found it hard to walk. My shoes weighed down my feet and my knees wobbled. The walk felt long and tedious, although dad and mom almost never talk anymore I could see how worried he was about her. They had three children together after all.

I knew if I stopped walking once I reached her room I wouldn't go in. So I didn't stop. I walked straight in. No emotion anymore, no thoughts. However what I saw when I entered really knocked me back. There she was, unconscious and helpless lying in the hospital bed. A hundred machines and wires attached to her lifeless body. Oxygen was being supplied to her via a tube and I think that's what hit me the most. She couldn't breathe on her own.

I felt myself crumble. My heart raced once again and tears welled in my eyes. I became weak. As I turned away it all fell apart for me. Tears spilled and I began to fall. Annie grabbed me and held me tight. Not once letting go. I could hear her coughing out tearless sighs with me. She was hurt by this too.

'I think you two should go outside.' Annie's mom said to us.  We both found the strength to move. Annie kept her arm wrapped around my shoulders as we took seats on the cold hard plastic chairs across from the room.

We just sat in silence. Doctors and nurses passes in and out. My father came and went numerous times, making phone calls and meeting with doctors. Abigail however, never left my mothers side. It was coming close to midnight now, the ward had quietened down a considerable amount. My father had been gone for almost half an hour talking to a doctor about moms condition. I haven't been able to walk into her room since.

As I was thinking it all through the doors burst opened and in ran Claire. Her eyes were red and puffy and her hair a mess. She looked awful. She spotted me straight away and I stood up. She ran over and held me so tight. As soon as our bodies came in contact with each other, the two of us began to cry once again. We both feared the worse and it was only a matter of time before we got the full update on her. We gathered ourselves and sat down. You pray for the best in times like these. You pray everything will be okay in the end, that your loved one will pull through and that you're just over thinking everything. You pray that God will bring a miracle to you. You pray that everything will go back to the way it was. You realise how fragile life is and how easily it can be torn away from you if you abuse the chance you were given.

Selena came in through the door about five minutes later followed by dad. Selena looked just as distraught as us if I'm honest. Dad looked rough too. 'Girls,' he spoke.

We turned to face him. I could see the pain in his eyes. He tried his best to speak but the words simply wouldn't leave his mouth. Selena let out a sob and dad just shook his head.

Our worst thoughts had been confirmed. Claire stood up but collapsed to her knees almost instantly. Her roars were deafening. Selena sat beside her and held her tight. The two of them cried together. Dad covered his face with his hands and took a seat across from me. Annie and I were in complete shock. I turned to her and saw her cry. Tears rolled down her rosy cheeks as she pulled her knees up to her chest.

I felt numb to it all. I simply stood up and walked around Claire and Selena, passed my weeping father and into the room I couldn't face minutes before.

'Abi, can I have a few minutes.' I asked.

'Yeah of course.' She sniffled, wiping away a tear. She stood up from her chair and left.

It took me a minute to actually leave the door frame and approach her bedside. A very long minute at that. The beeping of the machines was all that could be heard.

I took a seat beside her bed and slowly took her lifeless hand in mine. 'Where do I start?' I spoke, bringing her hand closer to me. 'Mom, if you can hear me, I want you to know you were the worst, you did a shit job at raising me over the last ten years.' Once the words came to me, they simply did not stop. 'You sucked dick at it. And I know sucking dick is something you did a lot you whore. I hate that you couldn't put your kids before yourself, that you put yourself and drink and drugs and any other substance first... I don't understand how I wasn't taken away by social services or wasn't given to the custody of dad. Man I hate you for everything you did.' I sniffled a bit.

'I know God has a plan for everyone's journey and I guess this is where yours ends. You thought me that. You've thought me so much. How to fend for myself, how to pick myself up after hours of abusive comments from your drunken self, how to be selfish which has thought me to be selfless. You were so beautiful and smart and an amazing person before it happened mom. I know that person is still in there somewhere. Man, I love you so much. I love you more than anyone in the world mom. I don't know what I'll do without you. I'm glad you'll finally be reunited with Dylan. That's what you've wanted for so long. Since the day he died. That precious little boy who only survived three minutes in this cruel world. That's where your problems started and this is where they end. I'm eternally grateful for having had the honour of knowing you and I'll never forget you. Thank you, for everything.' I kissed her hand.

'I love you.' I said, bringing our hands to rest on the edge of the bed.