Feelings exposed

Fear

Why dont you care

All I've done for you was  stay by your side and care

The way you keep your eyes open and stare at the subtle blank wall if that even sounds fair

The only thing I don't get is that you ask for forgiveness and respect

but the only thing you do is dwell on the fact that the label you were given gives you the right to neglect

The fact that as a teen I cannot explain how I feel that adulthood already does not appeal because

Even now I continue to be told that I am not allowed to have a voice and feel

How much frustration I have hurts more than the burning sensation of my eyes of two straight hours of crying

Knowing the fact that you do not care

Growing up hearing the stupid excuse that "I need to fix me" does not fix the fact that I feel so alone when you care too much about helping yourself

When I have the automatic fear  that I will grow up having to heal your mistake

I feel like I'm drowning in the hell that I have created by the unheard of faces that you see

Which magically effects me because you choose to leave than to physically come to the

Conclusion that what you see is pure bullshit to me that you'd pick off the lemon tree

Which loses its seeds every time you decide the wrong path of life you lead

Why cant you tell them to go away and spend my last years okay

I may sound greedy but all I asked was for you to be there for me

But you say there is no choice that you cannot stay

But do not get angry when I say good luck for wasting your life away doing nothing and adding stress

Not being able to tell me if I'm good enough for you to choose me over the second family

You seemed to create on your own but my sister and I cannot wait for your shit together on your own

To learn and grow but by the time you know

Were gone

When you cannot get up to spend time or have the ambition to put a real dinner on the table

Because you are too weak to get your head out of the hole you dug for yourself like an even simpler  drug

So when being an adult doesn't seem to shout as being a fun trait you go in your room and dedicate

Your life to the blank wall with your eyes wide open

But hidden to the fact that when you get that way I just want to bawl

The pain the stomach makes me want to crawl

Hoping I can get out of the hole you pulled me into

I need to find another way to find acceptance this way

I am sorry this poem could not be put away for another day

Because right now all I feel is hurt