My Fault

chapter 7

the next morning I wake up in my room. I was woken up by my mom yelling from downstairs. How the hell did I get in my room? I walk downstairs to see my mom on the couch watching T.V.

"when did you get home?" I say and I don't look at her. I haven't seen her in forever. I don't know where she has been or what see has been doing.

"I came home this morning around 7, I wanted to be here for your first day of school" She says and looks at me and smiles, her eyes are bloodshot. of course she is high.

"school started like a week ago. and are you high?" I as i stand there in shock. she never came home high a lot, so it was kinda new.

"its not your business so stay out Blair" she says and turns back to the T.V.

I run back upstairs and I change my clothes and put my shoes on and I walk back downstairs.

"where do you think yo-" my mom says put I cut her off my slamming the door

I get in my car and I start driving. I don't know where I am going. I think about going to Michaels. i really want to see his. he always new how to make me feel better. that's why he was my best friend. he was pretty much my only friend here in Australia since I moved here. I move here in 8th grade from America for my moms job. 

i ended up at Lukes. I don't know how i got here. I was lost in my thought. I get out of the car and I walk to the door. i don't knock, I can't even move and I don't know why. I hear luke on the phone. I know its bad but I put my head against the door to listen.

"Michael I know, I'm trying. Bu-" and he sighs.

"what is she doesnt want to or doesn't like it?" I hear him walk around like he is walking in a circle.

"ok i trust you, this is for the money Michael and you get half right?" WHAT??

I can feel tears start to go down my cheek. so the guy that I like and my best friend are using me for this fucking bet? I just stand there. i can't move but I have too, I hear Luke come by the door and I run to my car and I start to drive back to my house. Its hard to see the road because of all the tears in my eyes, but i don't care anymore. i hope I get into a car crash. right now I hope I die. Pretty much my whole life is a lie. My best friend, the person that I was always there for and the person that was always there for me and the guy that "likes me" but I would guess that it was also a lie too. 

I pull into my drive way and see that my mom is not home. good. i don't want her here, she will just make me feel worse. I sit in my drive way for what seems like an hour. I finally get out of my car and walk to my door with tears still going down my face, I feel stupid for crying this much but I can't stop. i tired stopping it but I won't. I hate when I cry like this. I feel like a child.

I walk inside and run up to my room even though no one is home. I cry for at least and hour and i slowly drift off to sleep.

-

I wake up around 2 hours later because someone is calling me. Its luke. I also have a few texts from Michael. i send Luke to voicemail, i don't want to fucking talk to him. he calls me again and I do the same thing. 

Since I'm awake I get up and I go downstairs and get something to eat and then I take a very long shower. I really needed it. 

i get out and I hear someone knocking on the door. uh oh, what if its Noah? I slowly tip toe to the door and look our the peep hole thingy and I see its not Noah.

its Luke.

my heart drops and I can't breath. he knows i'm home so I can't just not answer but I have too. 

"blair open the door! I can hear you!" what? how can he hear me?

"go away I don't want to see you. ever again" i say with tears running down my face. again. but its hard to tell what are my tears and what is water drops from my wet hair because I'm still just in my towel.

"what?" and he starts to knock again. "blair whats wrong? open the door!" his voice cracks and it sounds like he is crying too.

i run upstairs and I make my feet loud so he can hear me. I hope he leaves. i don't want to see him. I get dressed and I brush my hair and my teeth trying not to start cry again. when I'm done with that I go into my door and I sit on my bed. i almost sat on the floor because I'm so out of energy.

I start to doze off when I hear my door open. I jump up.

"Luke get the fuck out! how did you even get in here?!" I scream at him.

"I know that your back door is always open" shit I forgot about that. "What is going on with you?" he says and tries to hug me.

"I said get the fuck out and don't even fucking touch me you asshole!" I say and I can't hold the tears back anymore. damn it.

"Blair please tell me what is happening?" and I can see his eyes start to get watery.

"Lu-Luke please just get out" i say and I don't look at him. I can't.

"Blair.." he starts to trail off.

"I heard your little fucking phone call with Michael asshole! now get the fuck out Luke and tell Michael not to fucking talk to me either and that he can find his own way to school" i finally look at him. "now get out"

and he gets up and leaves. I almost go after him but i can't. after what his and Michael did. i don't want to know the rest of the story.