My Fault

chapter 8

I couldn't sleep that night.

sleep.

Thats all I wanted right now. but ever since Luke stormed out of my house all I can think about is his convo with Michael and cry. I though I would have died from dehydration from crying so much if that makes sense, but sadly I havent. I feel like I'm lost. I feel lonely and empty and broken. I know I sound emo but thats what i feel like. the two people that mattered most to me have been lying to me. They have been tricking me, or whatever the fuck they were doing.

It is almost 3:00 in the morning and I can't stop crying, i can't stop think about what they could have been lying about because i want to know so bad. who wouldn't.

Michael has been texting me all night asking what Luke was talking about when i told him to tell Michael not to talk to me anymore and shit. I almost block his number. Luke has texted me  few time too. he sent me like 3 huge texts but i didnt read them. i couldnt. everytime one of them texted me I would start crying even more and more, my eyes hurt from all the crying. I don't know if I can go to school tomorrow. I have classes with both of them. and i sit next to both of this in at least one class.

I started thinking about random crap and I FINALLY drift off to sleep.

-

I wake up literally 15 minutes before my alarm would ahve went off. I groan and I get up. i might as well because i know I'm not going to be able to go back to sleep and I need to try to make it look like i wasn't up to 3:00 crying my eyes out. 

I walk into the bathroom and my eye are bloodshot a little still and my eyes are puffy and you can still see dried tears on my cheek.

I look like a complete mess.

I was my face and put on some makeup and brush my room and hair. I don't bother to do anything with my hair. I dont care to straighten it right now. its not like it looks bad or anything. people tell i look better when I leave it like this, when it natural and curly and a little bit fluffy. the only reason i put make up on is because I wanted to at least hide that I was crying all night.

I finally get done getting ready and I make my way to my car and I start to drive to school. i pass Michaels and I see him sitting on the curb on the phone. we make eye contact, and I look away and keep driving.

I get to school and I walk to my locker. I hurry and i grab the things i need for my first few classes. I hurry because Michaels locker is close to mine and I see him and Luke walk into the hallway. I close my locker and I walk past both of them.

"hey blair will you please let us talk to you?' they both same at the same time. I look at them and keep walking.

sadly I have my first class with luke.

and he sits next to me.

I already feel like cry.

Luke walks in and i don't look at him but I can feel him staring at me.

The teacher finally walks in and starts talking about Greek Gods and I glance over at Luke and he is writing something on a small piece of paper and he looks at me and catches me stare. we make eye contact and I look away and I zone away because I am trying not to cry.

After a flew minutes luke passes me the peice of paper he was writing on.

I am coming to your house tonight.

is all it says but it is really hard to read because there are so many eraser marks on it like he couldn't figure out what to say. I read it really fast so I looks like i didn't and I flick it on the floor so it looks like i don't want to either. I look at luke and I can feel  tear go down my cheek and I wipe it way but I let it roll down long enough for him to see and I give him a little dirty look and I look away and I hear him sniff. 

that was really the only thing that happened today.

Luke didn't show up at my house. 

thank god.

the rest of the week went fine. I didn't talk or look at either Michael or Luke. i am proud of myself too.

-

Finally it is Friday and I am walking to my locker when someone taps on my arm. I turn around and I feel like I'm gonna cry away. i can't even move.

"Blair i"m coming to you house tonight and you will answer the door and we are going to talk, well I am. You don't need to talk if you dont want too but I will be at your house at 6:oo" luke says and walks away.

i drive home and I can't stop replaying what Luke said to me over and over in my head.

I get home and I sit in my room untill 6:00 and I hear a knock on my door and my heart starts to race and I get up and I walk to the door.