The Perfect Storm

Never Too Late

"I quit. I'm going home." I left the back lounge, and started packing up my bunk. The guys were protesting, saying to sleep on it. But, what Chris said earlier was right. I wasn't ready for tour. But, I decided to think of Balz and how he doesn't tour well without me. Even now, I can tell I'm hurting him, but me leaving would hurt him worse.

I sighed.

"I'll sleep on it, but not here. I'll go crash with Max and Ronnie."

"You really think you can handle that?" Balz asked. "Ronnie is sober. He takes his sobriety seriously, as does Max. They don't even allow drugs or alcohol on the bus. Do you think that's best? Make them deal with you coming down and any withdrawal symptoms you may get?"

"I don't know Balz. But I'm tired of disappointing you guys. Especially when it's my life and my choices. Just let me do what it takes to survive." I begged.

"You're an addict sis. I can't let you kill yourself." Balz sighed.

"I won't. I promise."

"You don't know that.. but okay. We'll back off as long as you can still function and play sets. Right guys?" He said looking back towards the band. Everyone looked down, hesitant to agree, but eventually all mumbled yeah's and yes's.  

The next week was a blur. I was calling everyone to keep my high going, and eventually moved on from coke to heroin, because that was all that was available. Honestly, I liked the heroin high better. It lasted longer and it was easier to shoot up then it was to make a bunch of little lines every few minutes.

I started coming down though, but at least we had a day off. I can scour whatever city we ended up in and find something.  However, my plans were quickly stopped.

Ronnie was in our front lounge half passed out on the couch. I tried to sneak past but it didn't work.

"Scar.. wait up." He said, sitting up slightly and yawning. "Lets talk, and go see the city today."

"I can't Ronnie... I have plans. I need to go I'm sorry."

"I haven't seen you all week.. not since the deal you made with Balz and the rest of your band. I've been kinda hesitant to come around honestly, but I miss you and Max really does to. But, before we hang out again I really need to talk with you about something. Sober." He emphasized the word sober. I sighed.

"Okay, lets go. I have to meet someone in an hour so we can go get some coffee or something." I walked out of the bus, Ronnie following behind.

We got to a starbucks and ordered separately. We grabbed a booth in the back and I know what this was, he was going to lecture me on drugs.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but Scar, you're not even living right now. You're alive, but look at you. You lost even more weight, I can tell there is so many more cuts on your body then the first day of tour. I know, getting high and taking everything out on yourself is easier, it's easier than really feeling anything at all. But it's not the right answer. All you're doing is surviving. Dealing the wrong way.  There is no such thing as a successful addict. Addicts end up in one of two places, dead; or jail. You wouldn't survive jail, the withdrawals alone are murder, but add that onto the other inmates and guards who don't give a shit about you? A pretty young thing like you wouldn't last five minutes. Seriously though.." He paused stirring his coffee for a minute "You can choose to live. My life got so much better when I got sober. I mean look at Max, he is doing so much better too. Please just promise me, you won't get high anymore and if you want to, you'll call me."

I thought about it for a moment, no one besides Josh has ever really cared this much before, but I also need the high, it keeps me sane.

"I can't Ronnie. It's my life, and my choices. Just like I wouldn't understand your reasons for getting high, you don't understand mine. If me getting high means you don't want to be friends then I'm sorry, but this is my life. I got to go. I'll see you around." I stood up and left.

I went a few blocks around the corner and met with a dealer. I handed him $350 and he handed me what I needed. I left and circled back to the bus. As I got on, I saw Josh looking at my needle I kept in my bunk. It must have fallen out.

"I know what we agreed Scar, but that was before. I want your drugs now, or I'm going to have to get Kevin involved and he's going to send you home, and I'm not meaning our home. I'll send you to mom and dad."

"Balz..."

"No. I'll watch you. Ryan from Falling in Reverse is going to be filling in the next few days, until I think you can play again.  If I think it'll help, I'll let you use a little bit only so you're not in pain. Max and Ronnie have both agreed to help as well, and you're going to have to be with one of the band at all times or Max and Ronnie. I'm sorry." He looked so heartbroken. But at the same time, he was taking away my sanity. He stood up and held his hand out to me.

"I'm sorry.." I muttered.

"No you're not. It's either the drugs or me Scar. Which is it."

"I... I.." I started to shake a bit, I needed to get high but he's my brother.

"I should have never let you stay. I should have let you go home where one of our girlfriends could have taken care of you." He turned around and locked himself in the back lounge. I sat in my bunk and cried. I couldn't get high but I needed it. I never gave Josh my eroin, so I could get high but I knew it would just push him away farther. I cried myself to sleep, and I woke up at god knows what time screaming in pain.

"What's wrong?" Chris and Ricky were both at my bunk in a second.

"It's 4 am whats going on?" Balz said groggily. Chris and Ricky had pulled me out of my bunk and I was crying from pain. What was going on

"It... hurts..." I said in between sobs.

"Wait.. you didn't.." Josh said, his eyes lighting up.

"Make it stop." I cried.

"Shh.." Josh said sitting down and petting my hair. "Chris, get her some of the painkillers from my bunk and a bit of water. I still hurt a lot, but Josh being there made me feel a bit better, even though every single part of me was in pain.

"Ryan, can you go in my bag in the back lounge and grab my sleeping pills, I know what's wrong with her, she just needs to relax and she'll be okay soon." Balz said looking down at me with sad eyes. Ryan and Chris came back with the pills, and I quickly took them. Soon, even though I was still hurting, I fell asleep in Balz's lap and he was petting my hair telling me I'll be okay soon.