The Perfect Storm

Choices

A/N: Wow, I haven't talked to you guys in a few chapters, which may not seem like a while, but I hadn't updated this story in nearly a year after Savage Eyes and I am so sorry for that. I hope you all have enjoyed the past few updates, but I want to thank strangerbones for actually asking me to update because I had been debating it mentally for the longest time whether or not it was worth it and her asking kind of made me really want to finish this. So, this chapters dedicated to her for that reason. Anyways, enjoy. :)

Ricky's POV

I can't believe I got to be with Scar again. She's such an amazing person, and I really do love her. I've been with other girls, but no one can compare to her. She was always so happy and full of life, but something broke her. Hell, maybe I did. No, that was in high school. I may have started breaking her, but it was lastly Chris' job to fix her. He left her, and he slept around while sleeping with her. He really broke her. It's his fault. Not mine.

It doesn't help either that I haven't talked to her since we hooked up. I saw Chris kiss her at the merch tent yesterday as well. I can't take my girl back from one of my best friends. But is she really my girl? Her asking if we could try again when she got better didn't automatically make her mine. I just wished it did, but last time I thought she was mine at the beginning of tour, she pushed me away when Max asker her out. I guess I should just talk to her. 

I climbed out of my bunk and went to find her. The bus was empty, besides her, sitting on Balz's laptop. She was singing along quietly to something. I stood in the doorway listening to her singing, realizing it was Mayday Parade's 'When You See My Friends'. I smiled. She has always loved Mayday Parade. 

As the song ended, I put my arm on her shoulder to let her know I was there. She jumped a little, but smiled softly.

"Hey Ricky." She looked away.

"That was really good, I really love hearing you sing." I smiled at her, sitting down next to her.

"I don't think so, but thank you."

"I really don't know how to ask this, so I'm just going to say it. Are you with Chris again?" I was really afraid of her answer, I shouldn't just spring this on her, but I did need to know.

"I don't know Ricky. I really don't." I heard her sigh.

"What happened? I saw you two kiss.."

"When I left the show, he came by the merch tent to get me. I was honestly feeling not good enough, and I was afraid you'd hurt me again, so I wanted to forget about us before it even happened. He kissed me, he said he wanted to try something. I did miss him a bit, but he was the one who broke my heart after you, even though we were never dating, I had always hoped he wanted to. But after he kissed me he tried to leave, and because of my fear, I told him I wanted him and we came back here and slept together. He tried to leave before too, but I pulled him to me and told him I wanted him. I know you probably thought we were together again, and I want us to be, but you deserve so much better than me Ricky.." She said, tugging on her hoodie sleeves. A habit she had even in high school when she was nervous.

"Scarlet..." I started, I barely used her full name. "I love you. I always have. I was afraid to love you in high school because you were my first girlfriend. I didn't know it then, but you are the only one for me. If you want me, I'm all yours. You just have to be willing to give up Chris." I kinda stopped, realizing I was asking her to give up someone she spent probably the last 2 years with and obviously part of her loved.

"I want to Ricky.. I want you back." She paused, seeming to think things over. "It's worth it. You're worth it. I love you Ricky. I'll talk to Chris, and lets fix us." She said smiling at me.  

I pulled her to me, and kissed her. She tensed up at first but I felt her relax into my arms and wrap her hands in my hair. She broke apart, and led me to the back lounge. She locked the door behind her and pushed me down onto one of the couches.

"Right now, you're mine." She whispered.

"Scar.." I couldn't sleep with her right now. "Not until we fix things." I sighed. I really wanted her, but if by me turning her down now saves us in the long run, then I'll deal

"Why not both?" She pouted.

"Scarlet, I want to. Believe me. But, you have to make a choice. Until you can tell me you and Chris are 100% over, I can't do it. I can't be with you."

"You're the only one who still calls me Scarlet. Even Josh doesn't call me Scarlet, unless I've done something stupid." She giggled and I messed up her hair.  "You only call me Scarlet when you're trying to be serious." She added.

"I like your full name, its pretty. But, everyone calls you Scar and that's what I'm used to calling you. But, when I call you Scarlet it kinda gets your attention and like you said, I guess I mainly do it when I'm trying to be serious."

She climbed off on top of me and pulled me up to a sitting position. She laid her head on my lap and I started playing with her hair. She started falling asleep in my lap, and she was just gorgeous. I really did want her, but I need to try to protect this relationship. Also, I don't think she's ready to end things with Chris and I don't want her to feel bad because she cheated on me or something happened with him. 

I started falling asleep as she started shivering in her sleep, muttering how something hurt. I tried to wake her up but she wouldn't get up. I gently set her head down on a pillow as I went out to get Balz. He came running in and shook her awake.

"It hurts..." She whimpered, half asleep.

"What hurts hun? What happened?" he asked, worried.

"Everything.."

"Why does everything hurt?"

"Drugs.. bathroom.. alone.." She stuttered out, as she started shivering and whimpering from pain.

"I got it Balz.." I whispered and went into the bus bathroom. I looked through the cabinet behind the mirror to find nothing. I looked through her makeup bag and out fell a baggie of white powder. She was getting high under our watch again. I felt my heart break, I thought she was getting better. I noticed a folded up piece of paper and a really bad bloodied bandage. What did she do? I put the paper in my pocket, and brought back the baggie and the bandage to Balz. I heard him sigh.

"Stay with her. I'll be right back." He said as he left. I heard how hurt he was in his voice.

"When?" I asked Scar as I bent down and petted her hair again.

"Y...Y... Yes... Yesterday." She stuttered.

A few minutes later, Balz came back with Max and Ronnie.

"Scar, are you okay to try and talk with us?" Balz asked, more serious than ever.

I sat her up and put my arm around her to try to settle her down from shaking at least.

"Scarlet," Max started as he sat down, "We want you to come stay on our bus."

"No." She whispered and burrowed into me even further.

"Its either that or you go home right now, and spend  2 weeks with Mom and Dad before you go to rehab."

"I'll pack my bags."

"Scar," Ronnie said, "Come with us please. If you aren't sober by the time you go home, you're more than welcome to come stay with me until you get sober."

"Go with Ronnie.. Please.." I whispered. I knew if she went home, she might end up killing herself. At least on the road, I can still see her.

"I'll... I'll go with Ronnie..." She sighed. She pushed off of me and left the back lounge, climbing into her bunk. I heard her softly crying, I don't think she's ready to do this. But, she is going to die if she doesn't. She can't make her own choice right now.

I saw Ronnie and Max and Balz going through her stuff, repacking it after they found nothing.

"Take care of her Ronnie." I said as I saw him take her bags over to his bus.

"I promise I will." He said and left. I walked on the bus to her hugging everyone goodbye. She may have just been changing buses, but Ronnie already went over that he's not letting her out of his sight. She was even going to sleep in their back "luxury suite" on the bus with him.

I hugged her to me really tight, and when she left I went back to my bunk.

I just got her back and she was gone again like that. It's for her own good though. I pulled the folded up note I found in her makeup bag and decided to give it a read.

To whoever finds this:
I wanted to start this off by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're the one to find this, and I'm even more sorry if you are the one to find me. I've written and rewritten this dozens of times to make it perfect. But, this is my last goodbye. I couldn't take it anymore, hell I haven't been able to take any amount of pain in my entire life. Everything was always my fault. I have never had any control over anything  but when I finally got some? I self destructed. I blew up and became an addict. I was addicted to the pain that others had caused me that without that, I went and caused it to myself. But, that pain became too much and now I don't know how to stop it.
Josh, because I know eventually you will get to read this, I am sorry to you most of all. You took me in when I needed it, and you always looked out for me even though all I did was hurt you. Ever since Ricky and me broke up I know I was a lot to handle. The first time I started using, to running away a lot and for being the reason you and Ryan Ashley aren't living together. You've sacrificed a lot to keep me happy and I was, I really was whenever I saw how happy you were. You're the best brother anyone could have asked for and I'm sorry I couldn't take the pain anymore.
Chris, because I know Josh is going to tell everyone I'm gone. Please, please be there for Josh. I also wanted you to know this isn't your fault. We just aren't meant to date. Sleeping with you has been something that has been keeping me happy and makes me forget about this pain for awhile. I really do think I love you, please try to be safe. You deserve to be with someone who can treat you better than I can.
Ghost, Ryan, Vinny, Angelo.. please don't be hurt that I couldn't take this pain anymore. You all tried. You all really tried to help me. The memories I have with you all are always the best, and I love you all so much. Take care of yourselves and please try to take care of Josh as well.
Ricky, I can't believe I'm writing any of this down but I need you to know. I still love you. I still haven't forgotten anything about us either. Dating you was easily the best and worst mistake of my life. It hurts everyday seeing you around the house and I have to pretend like it's okay when its not. Just please, please forget about me though. I don't want to wind up wherever I do knowing I hurt you.  I love you. Please take care of yourself and I hope you find someone who deserves you. I love you so so so much. I'm really sorry I never told you before this.
To everyone else? If I meant anything to you I apologize. I couldn't take this daily nagging and the voices in my head telling me to end it. I just couldn't do it.  I can't get clean and I can't do anything right. The world is better off without one more screw up in it like me anyways. So good luck to my friends and goodbye to the ones I love.
Stay safe and stay strong.
I love you.
-Scarlet Marie Balz

I just about cried, putting her letter in my bag. She really was going to do it. Chris didn't break her. Just time did and drugs did. She needed a way to cope and none of us caught it until it was too late. She is trying though, she could have used today before we were together and she didn't. She started going threw withdrawl again so I know she didn't use today.  I faced the wall of my bunk hurt and confused and eventually fell into a dreamless sleep.