The Spark

Fathers and Daughters

It's been two weeks and the love birds are still at it. I sat by the window in trigonometry class. Mr. Hans always gave a little announcement before class started. He discussed an upcoming test. I stared blankly and looked at the scene below, taping my pencil on my binder. 

"Young lady, could you pass these flyers out?" He handed at a girl in the front row a stack of pink papers and she begun to walk down the aisles handing them out.

"Well." Mr.Hans said, pushing up his glasses "I'm pleased to announce the 13th annual Windsor Tech Father and Daughter dance this Friday."

My Heart sank slightly. My school was insensitive about this kind of thing. I didn't have a dad. Never did and although I was really cool about it, there were things like this that made me feel left out. The girl hesitated before giving me the dance flyer and then put gently on my desk. It wasn't new news I didn't have a dad.

I snatched up my flyer and tossed it into my bag. You think people wouldn't be into this father-daughter shit, right?

Wrong. It was a big deal in my school. All the girls went. They would show off their pretty dresses and rich fathers. After all this was a private school. Adam and I had gotten in by scholarship. Most people in Windsor had dough to spare.

I felt even worse when I heard the buzz the rest of the day. I knew Adam and I could of joked about it but I hadn't seen him for a while. Jenny probably was going. It sounded stupid but I felt unloved. I usually had Adam to fall back on but I was alone. And I couldn't stop thinking about fathers too.

Who was my dad?

It was a question I had asked myself before. 

---

I was stuffing papers into my locker when Adam came up to me.

"Hey Olly!" He said cheerfully. I hadn't seen him in two weeks.

"Hey." I said quietly.

"I wanted to talk to you. About something important. I think you should kind of know..." He slipped his hands into his pocket and stared at the floor, blushing slightly.

I couldn't help but blush too. I was trying hard to seem jaded and nonchalant to him. I was still irate with him.

He went so close to me I could feel his breath. My heart was pounding. This was it. The kiss I had chased him for since middle school. 

"I lost my virginity." He whispered.

I stared blankly at him. I was completely frozen. He stared back at me with those bog ugly eyes. My stomach twisted and turned and I felt like I was going to cry.

So I did. Embarrassingly.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly. A crowd was beginning to form around us.

"I-I'm fine." I said whipping my eyes. I speed walked down the hall and into the bathroom.

The stall was locked and i sat hunched over a toilet seat crying. I cried for a long time. I cried for myself. I cried because I knew things won't go back to the way they were ever again. The innocent flirting and fooling around. He is no longer a child. He is a man. And I'm still the same painfully young loser form junior high. That's the way everything is going to or ever will be. I know I'll miss him, but I hate him. I know deep down no matter how furious I'll be at him I'll love him forever. No matter if i want to or not.

--

I skipped the rest of school that day. It was dumb but I knew I couldn't take it. Since it was the middle of the day it took forever for a train to come but eventually i made it home. I immediately went to my room and ripped all my shit off the walls. 

Old drawings and stupid posters, especially old photographs but I decided to keep those. The rest went into a waste pale. I took the Hello Kitty sheets off of my bed and shoved them into the closet.

"I'm too old for this now." I said to myself.

It took hours to get rid of all my childhood things. My old clothes I still from form eghith grade and toys I couldn't part with before. I took fifty bucks from under my bed and headed down to the mall. I picked out new clothes and even if I didn't fully like them I knew it was for my own good.

My mom found me at five under my new plain blue sheets watching Breaking Bad and gorging on leftover pizza.

"Oh my, what happened to those Hello Kitty things you liked so much?" She asked.

"I grew out of them." I said plainly, I hadn't even bothered to make eye contact with her.

"How was school?"

"Awful."

She sat the edge of my bed and stroked my arm "You want to talk about it?"

"No thanks." I said, sinking deeper into my pillow.

"Whatever you say, honey." She shrugged and left the room.

Dinner that night was awkward. No one had much to say. I picked at my lasagna. It was rare my mother cooked. My mom glanced up at me every so often. 

"Here." I said blandly "I forgot to show this to you." I handed her the flyer to the father-daughter dance. 

She smiled a bit "You want to go together?"

"Your my mom, not my dad." I sipped some water.

"I'm sure no one will mind." 

I threw my fork down onto the plate and stared at her.

"Whose my real father."

Her eyes when wide and she put her head down.

"What do you mean, honey?

"I mean: Who's my dad. I don't know him. And I want to."

"This isn't open for discussion, Olive." She said firmly, she went back to her food.

"For God's sake Mom, I'm fifteen! I deserve to know!" I shouted.

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Please." I said crying a little. I couldn't help it. "I just want to know."

"We don't always get what we want, Olive. It's a lesson you need to understand."

"What! Do I know him?!"

"Sort of." She collected the dishes from the table.

"The who?" I asked following her into the kitchen.

"Olive, It's a very delicate situation, much more complicated then your think."

"Everyone else knows their father. And it hurts a lot I don't even know his first name. I don't even know where he is or what how he knew you. Please mom. Just this once. I won't talk to him, or anything."

"Give me some time and i'll consider it." She went up to her studio and didn't come out for a long time.