Ma Vie

learning from my mistakes

I begin to stir the ingredients including the white rose, I stare into the pot day dreaming about Noah holding me. How his arms were so warm on my skin. How his kiss lit up my eyes, and now its gone. Once the mixture is ready I pour it in a cup and Uela walks behind me quiet as ever. I open the door to the library where everyone else was. I stand by the desk quiet while everyone is talking. I stare at the ground, I think about how Noah was once here how he kissed me and hugged me how he stared at me and I'd pretend I don't see him. How we laid in the blood of our prey and just stare at each other, I got that taken from me. I'm so stupid for trusting her. I begin to tear up but the tears sizzle on my flamming cheeks. Colton breaks me away from my thoughts by saying my name. He asks if I'm okay and of course I say yes. Raniel says " are you ready to begin ". I say " yes". We walk out to the back yard in the big field. Everyone else is standing on the balcony staring down. Raniel is standing in front of me holding the cup. He says "once you drink this you must let it take over you, don't fight it,but its going to be painful." I nod my head and he hands me the cup. I look down into the mixture of ingredients and I see Noah's face. Oh god how I miss him. I chug down the mixture and drop the cup on the ground I glance up at Xalvo and Uela. I feel this warm tingle in the pit of my stomach and them it turns to sharp pains like a knife going in and out of me. I scream and fall to my knees gripping my stomach. I can hear Uela screaming as well she must feel what I'm feeling right now Xalvo gets down and holds her. Raniel takes a knee and says "don't fight it Shiloh you can get through it, think of Noah and if that doesn't work think of Calypso". My eyes return to my demonic eyes when he said that name I start panting and growling trying to get grips on my life through the pain. I close my eyes to focus more and the pain is even more intense when I close my eyes. The black liquid that's around my heart becomes more thicker the more I think about them. I place my hand on the ground as the pain becomes more unbearable. I let it take over me. Raniel places his hand on my shoulder to give me comfort. The pain starts to eb and in disbelief I say " the pain its staring to go away".I thought I'd write like that for all eternity He says "good now get up". I say " I don't think I can I need help". Raniel says "no your not getting help your doing this yourself if you want it you fight for it". I grunt and I begin to stand up. He says " good now listen to me". He places his finger under my chin to lift my head up and says place your thoughts to the center of your mind and concentrate hard think what you want me to do then make me act on it. I place my thoughts and nothing happens he tells me to try again and nothing happens. I'm so aggravated that I fall to the ground to punch the flowers. I look up to everyone standing on the balcony with concerned looks I see a transparent figure appear next to them and then I see a familiar face, its Noahs he's smiling and I know I can do it I have to keep trying. I look down to wipe my tears away and I look back up and the figure is gone once more. Maybe it's something he can do like a power or something. Maybe he is trying to connect with me. It begins to rain once I start crying. I punch the ground and a crash of thunder happens I scream at the pain of losing him to her and a crash of lighting struck next to me setting the garden on fire. Xalvo has an intrigued look on his face like he can't wait to cut me open and explore my insides finding out what makes me work. Not. One. Thing. I stand back up with mud all of me letting the rain slide down my face. Raniel says "again" I place my thoughts once again and a spark happens but nothing else. Theirs fire all around us the heat of it soothes me but I all I want to do is play in it like a playground. Raniel says "again". I growl in aggravation. Xalvo says to everyone " she's aggravated she needs something to help her concentrate. Xalvo says "Uela you know her what does she want right now". She says " she wants music, music always takes her away to another place to a different realty. With every word is a new place for her". Xalvo runs and grabs some speakers and coltons helps and they place them under the table out on the balcony so they don't get wet. Xalvo hooks up my phone and plays fourth of July by fall out boy. The run to the edge of the balcony to see my reaction. I look up and Xalvo smiles and gives me a thumbs up. I close my eyes and picture myself next to Noah how he always lit up my heart like a firework and how we should fly away. Raniel says "again you will never learn if you keep taking breaks". I open my eyes again and my demonic eyes are brighter than ever. Raniel takes a step back,winks, and says " that a girl now again". I feel the moisture running through my veins I look at my arms and the veins are bright glacier blue I look at my finger tips and feel ...good. Raniel smiles and says "Again!". I smash my hand on his head making him go to his knees, his eyes roll into the back of his head. I say " you will only call me by Mistress and you shall forget everything about teaching me how to do this and you'll never teach another person.". I let go and he falls backwards onto the ground. Everyone cheers from the balcony, Uela is jumping happy as ever. I walk over to Raniel and get on one knee and say "come Raniel wake up". I pat his cheek and he says " what happened" and I say " well you was showing me how to do this mind control spell and well I learned it and here we are".