"Letters she never sent"

Diary Entry / Management Meeting / Camila POV

They had told me the meeting was about the legal side of things before our album was due to be released, but after asking Mani and Dinah whether they had this meeting too, I came to realise it wasn't about our album at all. It was about me and Lauren, our relationship which as the days progressed, seemed to be showing more and more. Not to mention it was the biggest 'ship' in the Fifth Harmony fandom. Management did not like that at all.

I remember being sat around a table with 6 or 7 people – some I knew, most I had no idea who they were. Some were PR and some looked like councillors of some sort. As soon as I walked in, I felt like a school student who had done something terribly wrong and had been sent to the principle. I hated the meeting before it even started.

I don't remember exactly what happened, but I knew I had never felt so pressured or vulnerable in my entire life. A guy from the management team I had recognised started talking first, they didn't really hold back or soften up what they were saying, they were being so ruthless. He told me that if things were to ever fall apart with 5h it would be because of Lauren. They knew she was the one who started this whole 'Camren' thing, and they told me her only goal was to hold me back. I was too shocked to even begin protesting, all I could do was sit still and listen to the things they were telling me.

They told me 5H wasn't going to last forever but I need not worry, they had already planned good things for me before that was to ever happen. They were setting some sort of foundation for me without me even knowing. Like I was some experiment of theirs.

They explained to me how I had the most potential to continue as a solo-artist – something I've always wanted.

'Wouldn't you like that Camila?' one of the women had asked me. I didn't really know what was going on to even respond to her. I didn't quite understand if they were bribing me or just helping me set up life after 5H, from what it seemed they were merely helping me.

'I don't understand what this meeting is about?' I had said, speaking for the first time since entering the room.

'You wont be in a group forever Camila' one guy had started explaining. 'we're here for you, we're already planning for you, planning for your future. Just help us Camila. We're helping you, you gotta help us?'

'What would you need my help with?' I remember asking, slightly confused as to where this was going, but knowing there was a catch soon to come.

'We'll do the hard work, all you have to do is maintain an image for us, so when the time is right, labels will want you. They'll know you. We need to maintain a proper image and you know what that doesn't include? 'Lauren or 'Camren'.

There it was, there was the catch. They had an image which Camren was ruining. I knew they didn't like it but I was shocked that management would stoop so low. My heart literally dropped when I heard that word. For the first time in my life, I felt very uneasy hearing the word Camren and being reminded of Lauren. I felt sick, I just wanted to go to Laurens room and hold her so she could make this all go away. Instead, I was made to almost decide between her or my future. The one thing that had almost broken us up so many times was back to haunt us.

'Think about it Camila, you don't need to say anything now. Drop it, drop her, drop this little fantasy you're living. I'm telling you from a professional point of view, when things don't last with you both and you've given up your dreams for her, you'll regret nothing more. We're doing the hard work; all we're asking is you just help us out? Help yourself out. Girls come and go, opportunities we can offer you only come once. Think about that will you?"

That's really all I could think about, I couldn't sleep because it was all I was thinking about. I know I loved Lauren, but this dream I had worked so hard to get...

I wasn't going to give up on Camren. I didn't want her to know of the conversation I had just had and she would ask questions if things started being weird between us. I was going to carry on how I was with her but at the same time distance myself from her slowly.

Slow enough that she wouldn't notice, but enough that management would so they knew I was willing to accept the deal they had offered me. I meant well - I didn't think she would ever understand but I meant well. They thought they were using me but maybe I could use them? I'd get the love of my life and one of my biggest dreams. The dream of mine that was slowly starting to unfold as my worst nightmare. I just had this horrible feeling that I was becoming someone I never wanted to be.

This game was changing me.

@camilacabello97: it's funny how much can change in a year. it's funny how much I've changed in a year.