Adopted By Phan

2: darling stop

Alex's P. O. V

I ran to my room crying in to my pillow. I had just told them my secret just so Phil wouldn't be yelled at.

You're a failure
The voices began yelling.

No one wants you.

The fire was your fault.

You stupid girl

" STOP IT JUST FUCKING STOP IT! " I screamed crying harder.

I starter shaking.
I felt dizzy.
I felt I was going crazy.
I was having a panic attack.

Suddenly the door flew open to show Dan and Phil with shocked expressions.

Phil ran over and crouched in front of me.

"Darling stop crying. Look at me" he ordered I did as I was told.

"Okay right hold out your hand and with your index finger tap 30 times in the middle of your hand only concentrate on that" he said. ( a/n this actually helps me get over a panic attack)
After a few minutes of shaking my head I did it. As the seconds grew on I felt better and soon felt sane again.

"Did you take your anti depressants this evening? " he asked.

" no I haven't seen them since I tried to kill my self" I whispered.

A hand placed a pill in my hand.

" I kept hold of them"Dan said.

I swallowed the pill.

"Can I have the bottle? " I asked

"If you only have the right dosage. " Dan said sternly.

"Fine but give them to me please" I said holding out my hand.

Dan sighed and handed it over.

"Can you leave me alone now" I said hiding under the covers.

"Okay" Phil said.

I could tell he was about to cry.

They left me alone and I burst in to tears. I'd messed it all up.

I fell asleep crying that night.

The next morning I woke up and got dressed in some jeans and a Harry potter top then did my hair and makeup.

I headed to the kitchen and got some paper and a pen out. I wrote Dan and Phil a note.

Dan and Phil,
I'm going to town to get some hair dye don't worry I will be back just wanted some air really.
Bye.
Alex :)

I put on my shoes and a coat and grabbed some money.

I left for town.

Once there I got some blue dye and some red dye then returned home.

I got through he door before Dan pounced on me.

"Why the fuck did you go out like that Alex" he yelled.

I started tearing up.

"Dan calm down she's fine look" Phil smiled.

I didn't say anything only ran to my room crying. Why did Dan snap I thought he was nicer than that.

I lay crying until I heard a knock at my door.
"Fuck off" I yelled.

They came in anyway.

"So we are going to go out for dinner you coming" Phil said.

No the fans will laugh at me.
"Yeah umm okay sure"

He left my room after saying we had 2 hours.

I headed to the bathroom with my hair dye and a camera cos why not film a tutorial.
I had a YouTube account that I posted on weekly. Dan and Phil didn't know though.

It had almost 500 k subs.

I set up the camera and dyed my hair blue with red streaks.

I then recorded a voice over and edited and uploaded.

I got dressed in a white top, a Pikachu hoodie, some new jeans and some trainers.

I then went to see if Dan and Phil were ready.

I walked in to the living room to see them kissing.

I snapped a picture.
"Awww can I post it? "

I asked laughing.

"Fuck" Dan said pulling away.

" Well we are out so fuck it go ahead haha" he laughed.
All the while Phil was checking his hair. " YOU changed YOUR hair AGAIN "Phil laughed and we left.

***

After dinner I got home and fell on to my bed. I had met Lizzie at the dinner while Dan and Phil were in the toilets.

She told me to go die and that no one wanted me ever.

I didn't cry only laughed she was the one that never got adopted.
She was the one stuck at the horrid orphanage.
She was the one that had made me cut and suicidal...

I got under the covers crying.

I stayed like that for a while until someone hugged Me close.

I moved from their grasp and sat up wiping my eyes.

"You okay? " Dan asked.

I tried to talk but couldn't.

I shook my head.

" not in the mood for talking aye"

I shook my head again pointing at the door.

"Okay well good night darling you're the best thing that has happened to Phil and I, i love you Alex" with that he left my room.