one night stands and revolving chairs adam levine fan fiction

Sequel Chapter 2

When it was time for the therapist to see me again, she had asked me to sit down on the sofa and try to think back to the last time I can remember being 100% happy. It was a difficult thing to admit that it was harder to do than I expected. I had often blamed Adam's cheating for the demise of our marriage. But being forced now to be completely honest I know that marital bliss had left us way before that day. The last time I could remember being completely happy was back before we lost our son.

Adam hung up the phone and grabbed me in his arms. He had just found out that his album had gone multiplatinum and now another dream of his was coming true. He had just been offered a chance to endorse a cologne and a clothing line. Of course it meant more traveling and meetings. He would actually have to leave in mere hours.

"I don't feel right about going. The Dr. said your blood pressure is elevated and you need rest. I don't want you having to run after Noah all alone. I need to be here taking care of you."

"You need to be out there doing what you dream of doing. The three of us will always be here for you when you get back."

Adam packed his bags and made his arrangements and kissed Noah goodbye. He patted my belly and kissed Isiah goodbye and turned his attention to me.

"I love you so much Shelby"

"I love you. be safe and come home to us soon"

"I will baby. I will. You just keep both my boys safe for me."

He left and two days later I went into labor and Isiah died. Adam wasn't there. He couldn't make it back in time. Isiah was gone by the time Adam got back. He never even saw his son draw a single breath.

I relayed all of this to the woman who had asked the question and she sat there quietly taking it all in.

"So after that day, after your husband got back and your son was dead.. you don't remember ever being happy with him again. Do you think you blame Adam for your son dying.. Because he left you alone?"

That honestly had never occurred to me.

"No. I do not blame Adam at all. it was my fault."

That had honestly never occurred to me either. Not until the words came rolling out of my mouth.

"How was it your fault?"

"I was supposed to rest. I was supposed to stay off my feet. But Noah wanted some cereal so I got up and made it. Then I unloaded the dishwasher and started some laundry. I should have rested but I got up and started cleaning the house and.... It is my fault because Adam told me to take care of myself and keep our two boys safe and I said I would but I didn't. I didn't keep Isiah safe. He died."

The tears just started flowing right then and there. It was like someone broke the dam that had been holding them deep within me. I finally admitted it to her and to myself. I hadn't blamed Adam at all. I blamed myself.

After that it was just a landslide of blame and pain. I became hostile and withdrawn and I had difficulty with intimacy of any sort, mother and son, husband and wife. I was so overcome with grief for my dead son that I shut out my husband and the son that was still alive. I had managed to find my way back to Noah. But it appeared I had lost Adam forever.

On the 4th day of therapy I had felt pretty good about the strides I made dealing with Isiah's death. Letting out all of the pent up hurt had done wonders and I had actually been  able to say out loud that I did not kill my son and believe it. I had felt the first glimmer of hope that I had felt in so long. But then on day 5 everything changed.