A Love, a Lie and a False Identity (Louis Tomlinson)

Charlie

Chapter 24 

Charlie

The rest of the trip was…heavenly. There is really no other word for it. Louis was the perfect gentlemen, through both the days and the nights, and suddenly Friday had come around all too soon and we were leaving.

The thought of how little time left we had together made my heart hurt.

And I knew Louis was feeling it as well, by how tightly he gripped my hand on the entire plane journey, how he wrapped his arm around me possessively, as though I was a china doll that might break, as we left the airport once we arrived back in London. He was always touching me, afraid to let me go.

And I didn’t want him to. More than anything in the world, I didn’t want him to.

How I could have so strong feelings after so little time should have scared and confused me, but it didn’t. Because it felt so right, everything we did together, every moment we spent in one another’s company, was perfect.

How fast these two weeks had flown by, more so than I could ever imagine before meeting Louis. If I had thought this holiday was a once in a lifetime opportunity before we left Ireland, that was nothing compared to how I was feeling now. In two days’ time, on Sunday afternoon, I was going to say goodbye to the most amazing person I had ever met, all without him ever knowing who I really was.

I curled closer into myself as the luxury car sped down the roads towards our destination, staring out of the window up at the darkening sky and avoiding Louis’ eye line, though I could sense him quietly to get my attention. But I couldn’t fight the depression that was starting to set in.

It hadn’t happened since my father had left, when my mother crawled into herself emotionally and became like a walking corpse, I starting sinking deeper and deeper into the blackness that was consuming me, because I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t save her. Just like I couldn’t save myself right now.

          “Ron, you’ve been very quiet since we landed. Are you OK?” I nodded but didn’t turn his way, clenching my hands so my nails dug into the fleshing skin of my palm, reminding myself that this was real, that this was now. I was still here, and I was going to kick my arse into gear and enjoy the next day and a half with this guy who had treated me so well, who had made me happier than I had been in about six years.

But that meant fighting the blackness, the emptiness inside.

Then the darkness became a little brighter, the warmth started to return into my body. Glancing down in confusion, I saw rather than felt Louis’ big hand clasping my own, our fingers winding around one another’s in a sign of unity, telling me I wasn’t the only one feeling the loss of these two weeks, the whirlwind romance that would stay with me for a long time.

Louis didn’t say anything, his own posture mirroring my own, staring blindly out of the window at his own view, his free hand bunched into a fist and his chin resting upon it.

          “I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet,” I said finally to break the silence, and he turned to me, his normally sparkling blue eyes dull, reflecting my feelings. “I just…I just want this to be the end of it. I feel like it is.”

He squeezed my hand. “We still have two more days.”

          “I know, but that’s nothing really, is it?” It was a long time before he answered, and we were nearly home by the time he did.

          “No, I guess not. But we can still see one another-” he sighed as he saw my face, “yeah, I know. Long distance won’t work. I know you think that-”