Seven Months

Chapter 11

Chapter 11: That Feeling

"I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones, enough to make my systems blow." -Radioactive Imagine Dragons

Sometimes everything just becomes to much. Sometimes I just can't keep everything bottled up, its my burden to bear, and I will bear it alone. I hate dragging people into my problems. If there is a way to avoid it, I will.

People wouldn't want to be around me anyway though. I'm weird, slightly mental, random at times, but most of all, I'm dying. Why would you want to be around someone who isn't going to be around much longer? I wouldn't. That would mean your wasting your time on someone whose just going to leave you in the end.

Sorry for boring you with my depressed thoughts. Jacob's still not talking to me, Electra and Max have been talking a lot more, which is great, for them, but I'm lonely. Alex locked himself in his room, his pride wounded by Electra's rejection.

She felt so bad about it. She was scared he'd hate her, but she had to do it. She cried for hours afterwards. I felt so bad, wishing I could do something to help her, but I couldn't figure out what to do. So I just hugged her, letting her cry it out.

Usher is off somewhere being famous and what not. Simon was figuring out the date for when I was going to sing with Usher. Cher and I kept in contact, texting and calling each other as often as we can. Blaze is leaving in a few days, which makes me even more upset.

I've been camped out in my room for five days now. Blaze spent most of his time in my room with me, as we talked and laughed. I think he could tell something was wrong with me, and I think he was hoping I would tell him. I wanted too, but I didn't know how.

The upside to me locking myself in my room is that I got a lot of writing done. I sent them to Simon for approval, but I was currently stuck on one particular song. I tapped my pencil against the notebook in front of me, hoping for some sort of inspiration. Or a miracle. Both would work.

I shoved myself to my feet when I realized that sitting there wasn't going to get my song written, but I might know what. I changed out of my pajamas and into a red jumper, skinny jeans, and black TOMS. I placed a black fedora on my head, before shoving my lip gloss, Ray Ban's, chap stick, notebook, wallet, and phone into black Aztec printed purse. I grabbed my guitar case as well.

I slipped out of the house without getting caught. We didn't live that far away from a nice sized park, so I thought I'd start there. I perched myself on the ground, resting my back against a concrete ledge.

I pulled my notebook out of my purse, setting it down next to me. I undid the latch on my guitar case, opening it with ease. I pulled out my sparkly guitar, admiring its beauty. I positioned it on my lap correctly, my fingers working on their own.

I played what I had written down, mouthing the lyrics. I tried adding another chord, testing to see if I liked it. I made a face out the sound, so I moved my fingers into a different position. Deciding that I liked the sound of that.

I don't know how long I sat like that, playing out chords, humming the lyrics to myself. When people passed by me they either look disgusted or interested. Some even threw a few bills into my guitar case.

I finally got up the courage to start singing, picking one of my favorite songs. I changed keys to fit the song, before singing my acoustic version of Skyscraper by Demi Lovato. "Skies are crying, I am watching, catching teardrops in my hands. Only silence as it's ending, like we never had a chance. Do you have to make me feel like there's nothing left of me?"

People gathered around me, watching me as I strummed away at my guitar, singing out in perfect tune. I loved this song, it just speaks to me, reminding me to not let that voice in my head win. To fight.