Seven Months

Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Telling Electra

"If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?" - Clarity Zedd

Do you know that new spider-man movie? The Amazing Spider-Man? There's this part in the movie where Peter's aunt tells him something I never fully understood.

"Secrets have a cost, Peter, there not for free."

I never knew the truth behind those words until now. Secrets do have a cost, a cost you won't fully understand until your in the situation where you or someone you know has a secret and someone finds out. The weight of this secret will weigh you down, and the bigger the secret, the heavier it is. Eventually, it will be to heavy for you to bear alone. So you share this secret, but now, now you've brought your problems upon someone else, and now they have to live with the weight of your secret.

And sometimes, like Spider-Man, this secret could hurt others. And then that will be on you. Are you prepared to have to go through that? Is that secret really worth it?

I know, I'm laying it on thick. You don't have to tell me. It's just, I have a secret. A secret that I don't fully understand, nor do I want to try to understand it. I don't want this secret. I would me ecstatic if it just disappeared into thin air. But it doesn't work like that, and right now I'm suffering under the weight of it.

I want to tell someone, but I can't. I won't do that to someone. I won't make my problems their problems. That's not right.

I stare up at clear blue sky, a few white, puffy clouds dotting every here and there. I tilt my head to the side, trying to see what shapes I can make out. There was a flower, in a vase. And a cloud that looked like a hand.

I sensed movement in my peripheral, and turn to see who it is. I sit up when I see Jacob. "There you are." He says, letting out a breath of relief.

I shrug. "Here I am." I fall back into the grass, going back to looking at the sky. I was in kind of a down mood today, why, I don't know.

Okay, that's a lie. I do know. I just don't really want to think about. Or talk about it. Or anything like that.

I stared at the sky, perplexed. Why was my life so difficult? Why couldn't it have been easier? Why couldn't I be a normal teenage girl, and live a normal life? Date Jacob without fear of coughing up blood? I don't want this life, this disease. I don't want to end like this. I want to die of old age with the person I love. I don't want to be claimed by some stupid disease.

But that seemed like what was going to happen.

It was getting worse. It wasn't enough that anyone would notice unless they were looking for it, but I noticed it. I got tired easily, my skin was slightly paler, and I could tell I'd lost weight. The disease was fighting, and right now, it felt like it was winning.

The sad thing is, no ones really noticed. I've been coughing lately, and sometimes they'd glance at me worriedly, but then get distracted and forget about it. I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

But Jacob. Jacob is, well, he's Jacob. He's funny, he's smart, he's sweet, and so much more. And the best part is: he likes me. Like full on likes me. I wasn't a guy magnet, and it felt good for someone to feel that way towards me. What was even better was that I returned the feelings.

Jacob sat down next to me on the ground, watching me intently. I didn't look at him. I couldn't look at him. His black hair was in its usual mess, and his grey eyes studied me worriedly. "Are you okay?" He asked me finally.

Again, I avoided his eyes, not being able to look him in the eye when I spoke. "I'm fine." I tried to keep my voice level, steady, hoping he wouldn't notice the lie.