I don't think I can.
I don't think I can do this.
I struggle on.
And here I sit.
In the deepest of night.
In company with stars that have burned out and died.
It's pain.
It's real actual pain.
I can't even breathe without another shock to my heart.
I can't sleep.
I can't even dream because you're not in them anymore.
I think the saddest part about broken love is that when you finally dream,
you always have to wake up again.
Even with all these quilts, I'm still cold.
Even with the light of the moon, I'm still scared of the dark here.
My rising and falling breath
A white noise in the shadows.
I love.
I love deeply.
I crash.
I burn fiercely.
There are so many things I love about this world and so many reasons why I really should be saying "I can".
Why is it that the couple things, out of the millions in the world, are what makes me hurt the most?
Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow, after I fall asleep.
And maybe the sun will shine brighter.
Maybe my head will be clearer,
Maybe my agony will fade to memory.
All I can do is pray.
I pray He's got a plan in this mess of me.
I hold on to these threads in my heart that is fraying at the seams.
I twist and turn in my sheets, and still I can't get comfortable.
Maybe I just need to force myself to sleep.
But my head is wild like a tiger I can't tame.
My thoughts like bared teeth and menacing stripes.
Casting all my cares.
Praying for a change.
Hoping that the change that I know will
eventually come, would come soon.
This soul is growing weary.
This heart is growing tired.
My lungs are weakening.
And my eyes tired of watching myself drown.
I seek to escape, but no matter how hard I drive my head into the pillow, the world still awaits.
I'm tired of wishing things were different with you when I know different would hurt me worse than before.
Maybe if I get up, look out my window.
Watch the world spin for awhile.
Watch the breeze move the trees, and calm my heart.
But the peaceful world is just a mockery to a heart at war.
