Alice Cullen's Story

Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

               I sat in the rocking chair, staring inanely out of the window. The blue skies were filled with white puffy clouds, with the sun shining violently onto the earth. The wind blew vaguely, foliage windswept – they were free and I was trapped.

               I was trapped inside this jail, trapped inside my own body and my mind was trapped within endless depths of darkness. I could not place my thoughts on anything unyielding; they drifted through insignificant images – my mother’s wide brown eyes, my father’s dark wavy hair, Cynthia’s dimpled cheeks and Sebastian…

               Sebastian…

               I hadn’t seen him in what seemed like ages. He had never returned to break me free from my demons; he had left me here with hope – false hope.

               My heart ached as his facade drifted through my mind. I missed him terribly, and I longed for his caring touch. He would have protected me, shielded my eyes from the awful events which took place. He would have confined me, given me much, much more.

               I closed my eyes tightly as the tears fought to make their way to the surface. I hadn’t cried in days, I couldn’t – I wouldn’t. I was stronger than that; I would keep fighting until I took my final breath. But I knew the darkness lurked at the edges of my mind, waiting for me to slip and then it would consume me. The darkness wanted me more than I had ever wanted anything in my time. But I would stay strong until…

               “Good morning Miss Brandon.”

               I turned my head slightly to see Nurse Rebecca smiling cleverly at me as she held my medication. They continued with the drugs, and I knew I needed them more than I ever had.

               The shock treatments had shocked my sanity straight out of my mind, leaving me in the shadows, within empty thoughts. My body was numb, my thoughts lost within vacant thoughts. I could barely distinguish the difference between reality and dreams.

               This was a dream – a nightmarish dream. This was a dream which I would never awaken from. I was doomed to spend the rest of my life in this nightmare. Death seemed so alluring, so serene compared to this.

               Nurse Rebecca approached me gradually, her hand trembling slightly at the sight of me. I must have been a mess; I must have seemed like a crazed soul. My body was covered in purple bruises as they fought to belt me in the straightjacket. I had refused on so many events and they never hesitated to strike me. I could still taste the blood in my mouth from the prior night. They had struggled to belt me up, as I fought fiercely against their clutch.

               “Please do behave Miss Brandon.” said Nurse Rebecca, who stood stationary only a foot away from me.

               She was afraid to be alone in my presence, though I didn’t have the strength to fight her.

               I nodded at her, unable to find my tongue. I had no urge to converse though; all I wished for was to be left alone. I turned my head back towards the window, staring vacantly towards the outer world.

               Not once had Nurse Rebecca taken me outside, not once since Sebastian left had I felt the nippy breeze against my skin. My body ached for the sunshine, my lounges burning for the fresh air. I wanted to dance barefoot in the drizzle, though I was trapped inside, left wondering what the outside felt like.

               I parted my lips for Nurse Rebecca to place the pills inside my mouth. I swallowed in habit, not caring whether it would deaden me or not. The drugs made no difference to my state of mind; I was empty even without it.