Bad Girls

Falling Hard

Well, it was official. Dylan and Emma-Lynn were a couple. It wasn't actually as awkward as I thought it would be. They were actually a really cute couple. Dylan could so easily make Emma-Lynn blush and laugh, a feat that many of us could've died attempting. And we wouldn't have died victoriously. And just the way Dylan looked at Emma-Lynn let us know that this was no Cassie-do-over. This was the real thing, whether Emma-Lynn knew it or not.

Ryan was a worrying subject. She had been so quiet and in the shadows recently that she could've easily blended into the wall. Then, one day, a counselor walked up and said she had to see the on-site therapist.

She got back at around midnight. I was the only one awake although I didn't tell her. She was crying. I so desperately wanted to ask her what was wrong, but with Ryan, meddling was never a good idea. The only one that could ever get things out of her was her sister, but Dylan was suddenly all busy with Emma-Lynn that she wasn't really looking out for her twin.

"Hey Ryan, what did the shrink say?" Dylan asked the next day, her arm draped protectively around Emma-Lynn.
"Nothing, the asshole was just spitting that I have some kind of mind problems."
Kyla barked a laugh. "Son of a bitch."
I said nothing.

Ryan was quiet for the rest of the week and she had appointments with the shrink every evening, even on weekends. I was really worried about her. She had bags under her eyes and I really didn't think she was sleeping much. No one noticed. Kyla wasn't really noticing anything, and Dylan and Emma-Lynn were so busy sucking face with each other. I really was getting the urge to talk to her about it, but I couldn't think of what I would say. 

"Hey, babe." Emma-Lynn greeted Dylan with a smile and a kiss.
"You realize I have the most awful morning breath ever?" Dylan grinned from under her blanket. Emma-Lynn made a gagging face and Dylan's grin got bigger.  
"You guys are disgusting, you know?" Kyla said, conversationally. 
Emma-Lynn laughed and I noticed she was glowing a little. I suddenly realized why she had seemed so different nowadays.
She was happy.

And wow, what a difference that made! She was always smiling and whenever Dylan was around (which was usually) it was so obvious that her heart just melted to honey. It was honestly adorable. But as I watched them, and as Kyla grinned at them, and as Cassie sneered down upon them, I suddenly realized I was also forgetting what was going on with Ryan and I knew I would have to talk it over with the other girls to make sure we were all on the same page. 

It was pretty easy to get the chance though, as Ryan had scooted off to her daily therapy session.
"Hey guys." I started. "I'm really worried about Ryan."
They all regarded me, thinking it over.
"You think something's wrong with her mentally?" Dylan said defensively, and Emma-Lynn held her back.
"Whoa, whoa! No, Dylan, don't get aggressive, I didn't even consider that. I'm just wondering if she's okay emotionally or physically or whatever. She was crying the other night."
"Should we just ask her?" Kyla said, not really paying attention.
"I guess." Emma-Lynn responded. "Otherwise we'll never know."

And so it was that I approached Ryan at midnight, just when she had come back from talking with the shrink.
"Um, Ryan?"
"Oh frick! I didn't realize you were awake...um, hey, Joelle." She spoke very fast and I definitely heard her swallow back tears. 
"Ryan, I know something's wrong. I'm no Dylan, but talk to me."
She sighed and looked at me. "I...I'm just really stressed out right now. I feel like I'm in a really bad place. I really can't take it anymore. I keep telling myself that it's just one more day, but it's day after day after day and it just never ends, you know?"
"So why did the counselor send you to therapy?"
Ryan sighed deeply but then rolled up the sleeve of her shirt to show me...

Cuts. Seven neat little slices on her wrist. I stared for nearly a minute, when Ryan started to explain. "Look, it's really not like I'm trying to kill myself, which is what the counselor thought. I just...I feel like the pain makes me feel better."
I continued to stare at the clean cuts on her arm. They were puckered, but not yet scabby, showing that they were pretty recent.

I had never dealt with this before. Some girl in my school had killed herself and they gave us a week off. I had never met her before so I didn't really know what had happened. This was completely different. This was my friend. This was Ryan.

"Ryan, I..."
"Please don't tell Dylan, Joelle." She grasped my arm, suddenly in urgent panic. "Look, I know I need help, the shrink says I'm addicted to self harm, but I'm going there every night and I haven't cut myself once ever since I started going. This is gonna help me and I see no reason to tell Dylan or Emma-Lynn or Kyla about this."
I first stared at her and then nodded, giving her a quick hug. "It's your life, Ryan. You're at liberty to screw it up any way you want to."
She smiled at me and curled up under her blanket.
"Thanks, Joelle. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."

I didn't think I would sleep well, but remarkably I slept great. I woke up at 7 AM and didn't feel tired at all, even though I hadn't gotten many hours of sleep. I felt rested and somehow assured even though I knew I would have to make up something to tell the girls about Ryan.

"Hey boo." Dylan hugged Emma-Lynn from behind.
"Wassup?" Emma-Lynn turned and kissed Dylan's nose.

"Those two are revolting." Kyla grinned at me.
"I think they're adorable." I beamed right back. And I totally did. Dylan and Emma-Lynn were such opposites, but it was so completely obvious that they were made for each other. Even Ryan was smiling as she looked at them laughing in the corner. 
"She's just smiling way more than she did Cassie." Kyla told me. 
"Yeah, she looks really different. She's just so much happier and she's kinda lost her bitchy attitude. It's really great." Ryan commented. "Dylan's crazy about her."
"I'm pretty sure Emma-Lynn's crazy about her too."

Honestly, Cassie shouldn't have been looking so sour every time Dylan and Emma-Lynn were in the room seeing as Cassie had been the one who had ended the previous relationship. And yet, every breakfast, lunch, and dinner, Cassie could be spotted shooting dagger eyes at our table and we couldn't help but laugh. Suddenly, things were so much better around here and I couldn't help but think that it wouldn't last long...