Without you.

Crushed

It had been days of yelling, screaming and anger. Killian and I were not as happy as we once were. Honestly I had no idea if he even still loved me. We had been married for 3 years but hadn't started fighting until about 6 months ago. Killian lost his job and money troubles caused us to start looking for smaller houses and even an apartment. "I'm trying my best Emma!" He yelled at me. "No you're not" I snapped back. "You've been out of a job for nearly a year...leaving me to pay all the bills. You could have gotten a job at the supermarket for all I care!"

"I know love. I'm sorry." He explained. "You're not sorry. We have been having this conversation for weeks now and still the problem is not solved!" I yelled from across the room. "I...I! He stuttered trying to find an excuse. "Enough excuses!" I said as I picked up a box of Killian's things and placed it by the door. "What are you doing?" He asked. "Get out!" I said pointing to the open door. "Fine!" He said back picking up the box. "I'm done!" I said tears rushing down my face. "What?!" He said with disappointment in his eyes. "I can't do this anymore, we are through!" I yelled and slammed the front door in his face. "No! Emma! I.... I'm sorry!" He yelled at the closed door.

I didn't care. I really didn't. This had been going on for too long. I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't sleeping and I knew Killian didn't appreciate sleeping in the couch when I was mad. The thought of a divorce had crossed my mind but I never meant it until now. I called my best friend Regina. "Hello?" She answered the phone and heard me sniffling. "Emma are you ok? Did you and Killian get in a fight again?" I could tell she was concerned. "Yes." I said my voice cracking. "I'll be there soon." She said and hung up the phone. Within 5 minutes she was here, I opened the door. In her hand was a tub of ice cream and a few chick flicks. "You ok?" She said. I hugged her tight, sobbing on her shoulder. "I told him I wanted a divorce." I said into her shoulder. "Emma!" She said looking me in the eyes. "What?" I said looking a bit confused. "I just thought you loved him." Regina said walking me over to the couch. She sat in one corner and I sat in the other. "Exactly...I loveD him." I said emphasizing the d. "You don't even love him the slightest bit?" She questioned. "Nope." I said confidently. "Well if you don't love him why are you still crying." She said. "Im not." I said calming down.

I'll even call him. I ran to grab my phone. I was in such a dark place. He was the one who put me there. I wanted him to hurt the way he hurt me. "Emma no! What are you doing? This will only make things worse!" She yelled after me. "Hey Killian!" I said. "Just letting you know that since we are no longer together you are free to date anyone you please." I said holding back my tears. "Emma... I don't wanna be with anyone else." I briefly felt a bit of happiness but it was still buried in anger. "Well I do!" I snapped back and hung up the phone.

Killian's POV:
I was crushed. Crushed. My heart sank in my chest. Maybe she really didn't love me, I thought. I felt tears start to run down my face. I didn't realize why at first because I never cry... Never ever. It was because I love her...more than anything else. Why was she hurting me? There was only one answer...she didn't truly love me. "You alright?" Robin asked. Robin was my best friend and quite frankly the only friend I really had. We knew every thing about each other since we had been friends for as long as I can remember. I even knew about his secret love for Emma's friend Regina. I think she liked him back but just won't admit it.

Robin knew what had been going on with Emma, but even he never thought she would take it this far. "Im alright, mate." I said back. "I'm just gonna give her some space." I walked up to the spare room in Robin's house. I shut the door, lay down on the bed and just stared at my phone. I scrolled through my pictures and clicked on one of me and Emma. A slight smile came across my face. We were so happy. What happened? It was all my fault... I lost my job and that's where it all started. It was even my fault I had gotten fired... I was told to obey orders and of course I didn't. Finally my boss got sick of it and fired me. I turned off the phone and since it was almost 1am I figured I should try to get some sleep. I didn't know how to sleep with Emma stuck in my head. Her laugh, her smile, everything about her was too good to be true.

Emma's POV:

"Why did you do that?!" Regina said looking almost mad at me. "I want to hurt him the way he hurt me." I mumbled under my breath. "Emma, hurting him isn't going to help anybody." She responded. I walked into my room and flopped forward onto my bed. I was kind of mad at Regina. I mean it was my life. I make my own decisions. "Go away Regina." I said. "I'm only trying to help you know." She said sitting down beside me. "I just need some time to think." I said into my pillow. I took a deep breath into the pillow. It smelt like Killian. His masculine cologne he always wore. "Throw this out." I chucked the pillow at Regina almost hitting her straight in the face. Luckily she caught it in time. "Ok." She said. I knew she knew the reason why. "Text or call me if you need anything." She said and shut my bedroom door. "Call you tomorrow!" I heard her yell on her way out.

I rolled over in my bed and stared at the ceiling for a few moments. Then I went over to the computer and typed some words into Google. I printed some forms. I was hesitant to sign them at first but then grabbed a royal blue pen and signed my name. I folded them into an envelope and wrote Killian name on the front with Robins address. I knew that's where he was staying. It was 1:26am as I walked to the mail box and mailed the forms. I released the breath I didn't even realize I was holding in. I walked back into my house and got ready to go to sleep. I didn't think I could even sleep. I imagined what Killian and I would be doing right now if he was here and we were together. Snuggling. Probably watching Netflix maybe eating some popcorn. I missed him. I did but I still didn't forgive him for what he had done. He knew I hated fighting. Every time we started to become angry at each other I just started crying. I knew he felt bad for making me cry because he usually apologized right away. This time was different. I felt like he was tired of it, of all of it. Being with me just wasn't worth it. I decided to try to sleep but I couldn't. This was by far the worst day of my life, the day I lost the person I thought was the love of my life. Killian Jones.