Close to heaven

Introducing me, Bella

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.~ William James

It was February. I was getting ready, to go out. I could've gone out with my friends, but didn't want to; they aren't true friends. Why would I go out with fake friends? I was getting ready to go out with my mom, to drink a coffee and maybe eat something.

"Bella get out of the bathroom, for Christ's sake I have to pee" I heard someone screaming. It was my brother, Drew, you will hear more about him later on, as the story passes.

It was two days before classes could start again. I wanted to enjoy what was left of these days. I didn't want to go back to that sucky school, with all those rich, phonies and stupid people, seriously I didn't. And you might think, who is she to criticize them? Who does she think she is? Is she that perfect to criticize people like that? Of course not. I'm not perfect, not even close. But no one is, only god and Jesus is, I don't think even Jesus was, only god. But I'm not going to talk about religion, it's a big deal to talk about it, and there are many types of religions, which I don't know a lot about. I don't even know a lot about mine, I don't care about mine either. Being catholic and all, I try to be a good catholic and all but I can't. I don't go to church cause I don't believe in that stuff and I'm even against some stuff from it; like going to church or confessing to the preacher when you sin, I can do that by myself, don't need a preacher. Or the whole you can't like your sex situation. If god is as they say he is, he should love everyone equally, so why not them? But, as I said, I'm not going to talk about religion, not here. I'm going to talk about myself. And now I bet you are like, is she that special to talk about herself? No, no I'm not, but my psychologist recommended me to do this, so why not.

Well, as I was saying I was getting ready, taking a shower and all.

"Drew calm down" I could hear my mom screaming at him. my mom, is sweet but a bit crazy, seriously sometimes she can be like a crazy maniac, and she starts screaming at you for everything and anything. I would also talk about my father, but I don't live with him anymore. He left us when I was only 5. I can still remember that day, don't remember why he left, don't even understand why, but I still remember. I remember coming back to my house with my brother and mother after watching The Lord of the Rings at the movies, great movie by the way. I went to their room because I used to sleep there, with them, I hated to sleep alone. Anyhow, I went to their room and saw the closet without his clothes there, I searched everywhere for him, I knew he was gone. I cried the whole damn night.

Well going back to where I was, I finished getting ready. I put on a black crop underneath a black tank top and my black skinny jeans and my long black converse and went with my mom to get some coffee. She ordered a cappuccino with no cream, I ordered a hot chocolate and we both ate a sandwich.

Oh, how rude, I forgot to introduce myself, my name is Isabella, Bella for short. I'm 18 well 17 then, I'm Latina but I know how to speak English. I would say I'm Pansexual but I'm not sure what I am yet, but I'm pretty sure of it. I have a philosophy about it, I think that we are born with those feelings, but to clear things up you need to be in a relationship to confirm the thought. For now, I think I'm Pansexual, I think. I never dated anyone, only this guy but doesn't count because well we lasted less than a week and we never held hands nor kissed. I think kissing is a big deal but holding hands is not, I held hands with my friends when I was little so... what's the big problem. I would talk more about myself but you'll be finding out later about me.

But going back to the Cafe, my mom and I started talking.

"I can't believe I have to go back to school," I told her

"Why not, I thought you liked school?" my mom questioned, I nodded in agreement, I did, sort of.

"Your birthday is close, though," she said. I looked up at her

"I know," I said. I hated my birthday, seriously, every birthday I had, I cried. When I was fourteen, I cried cause they made me watch a movie that I didn't want, I thought the birthday girl chose the movie, but not me. On my fifteenth birthday, I cried because I wanted to have a party and all like a quinceañera, but that didn't happen. The worse year was when I turned sixteen that was the worst birthday. None of my friends wanted to celebrate with me, and only three of ten of the girls in the group gave me a gift. The funny thing is that one of the girls said after my birthday, how we should give gifts to everyone. And let me tell you, she was one of the girls that didn't give me a gift. I was confused. Why would someone give that fucking idea when they don't even do it. I was like and what about me? and our other friend?, she replied saying they would give us one on Christmas, didn't happen. But I did give her and the rest of them a gift; I like to share not like them. But I didn't want to talk about it much with her so I tried to change the subject

"Mom, you had your first boyfriend when you were only 15, right?" I asked

"When I was 14 but almost 15, why do you ask?"

"Just wondering"

"You like someone?" she asked curiously

"Not really, and if I did well I know he wouldn't notice me"

"Well what's his name?" she asked

"Nathan Miles" I whispered

"Well you should do something to notice you"

"I know, mom," I said and drank my hot chocolate.

We went back home, and I lay on the bed, thinking about Demon, one of my first crushes in school. it was sort of like 'love at first sight' sort of like in the movies. When you sort of feel like the earth stops and a soft air comes through him and you hear angels sing and all that crap, it was sort of like that. I couldn't believe I liked him for seven years now. I was about to call my friend Marley but I remembered she was hanging out with Sasha. So I decided not to call her. I like Sasha but she... I don't know... I don't see her as a very good friend; she has a weird attitude and is also a bad influence, she taught Marley and Samantha how to smoke. Marley and Samantha are my best friends; we were friends since we were little.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do, so I took out my favorite book read a little, and then fell asleep.

~<3:D:AB

(The girl in the pic is Bella)