A L I V E [h.s]

Chapter 16

HARRY'S POV

We get home and she sits down on the couch, in front of the fire. I can see how cold she is and it's kinda my fault.

- Here.- I give her my hoodie and I go upstairs to get myself another one. When I get back to the living room she's looking at the fire with my hoodie on. She looks incredibly pretty and cute.

- Well?- She says.

- Okay...I asked you if love forgived mistakes.- She nods.- I wanted to make sure if you would forgive mine.

- What?

- I'm full of mistakes, Eleanor, and so does my life. This is...this is why...

- Why what?

- Why I love you. I mean, you've said things no one has ever said to me, you've made me feel the way no one has ever made me feel, you make common and insignificant things look amazing and...and even magical.- She stares at the fire.- Look at me.- She does what I say.- No one, but literally no one, has ever told me 'I love you', maybe they did, but with your voice I can feel the meaning of those words, you understand? I know you mean it when you say it and that makes me feel completely different. I love you.- She stays quiet staring at me.- Don't stay quiet, say something.

- I love you too, Harry.

- Is that everything you're going to say?

- Right now...yes, that's everything I'm saying. I have my own scars too, Harry.- I look at her and I see her eyes watering.- I love you and I'll try my best to make sure you're happy, even if I'm not part of your life anymore.- Her words make my heart beat strongly and my eyes open wide. I let her cry, she deserves it. Crying's a good way to vent and analysing the situation, she really needs it.

- I'm sorry.- She gets closer to me and I take her in my arms as she cries on my shoulder. It's kind of weird how I was fingering her hours ago and now she's crying on my shoulder because of me.

- No, I am sorry.- I say. I separate her from me andqq caress her wet cheek.- Now smile.- She smiles, her eyes are shining bright because of the tears and the fire next to us makes them look just perfect.- Do you want to go somewhere? Maybe a walk makes us feel better.

- Sure.- I stand up.- And, Harry.

- Yeah, love?

- Would you forgive my mistakes too?

- Of course.

- I mean...that's something I would like to talk about...- She puts her hair behind her ear and looking down.

- No problem, love. I'll take you to St.James Park.- She looks up at me and I smile.

- Okay.- She dries her cheeks with my hoodie and I smile again.

- I would like you to wear my hoodie.- She takes it off, she puts her jumper on and then she puts my hoddie on again.- Hey.- She looks at me.- Sorry again for yelling.

- It's okay.- She looks at me.

- Kiss me.- I beg and she kisses me sweetly.- I love you.

- Me too.

- Let's go.- We go outside and I take her hand until we get into the car.

We arrive to St.James' Park and start walking.

- So...what is that thing you want to talk about?

- I... don't know how to start.

- Start from the very beginning if it's necessary.

- Okay. So, as you know, my mother died on a car accident when I was five. My father didn't want to tell me what was happening, I couldn't understand. He started to go to Barney's bar, he was a friend of his. He used to tell me that there he always had the opportunity to approach my mother. My father drank everyday and it scared me most of the time when he got used to break stuff and talk alone downstairs while I hid myself upstairs. I made my way out of the house by the window in the bathroom many times. It wasn't that high, so it was easy. I could stay in the garden until he went to bed or run to my aunt's house. People at school made fun of me for living with an alcoholic, the same alcoholic who used to drive me to school and insult the teachers. Gabrielle was always by my side to help me. The kids never knew my father killed himself so they kept bullying me through the years.

- You never told your teachers or something?- She shakes her head.

- I grew up fearing what people would think about me. One day, when I was thirteen, things got really bad at school. Everyone in the cantine started to imitate a drunk person, you know...drinking water and moving around me. Literally everyone was making fun of my dead father. Gabrielle was ill that day. I punched two girls in the face and fought another girl called Pauline. A teacher separated me from her and I got expelled for the rest of the day. I went running to my house crying. I tripped a couple of times and hurt my knees, I still got a scar for one of the falls. The thing is that I went to my room and stayed in front of the mirror. My eyes were completely red and my cheeks all wet. I had a few scars on my face for the fights and the anger inside me made me punch the mirror. I broke the mirror in a billion pieces and...well, one of those pieces cut my side, right under my ribs. It hurt so bad and it started bleeding. I yelled as much as I could to my aunt. I could see her face before everything turned black and the pain got deeper. I woke up in a hospital room, I could recognise my aunt, sleeping on the armchair next to the stretcher. I took her hand and she woke up. She opened her eyes and smiled, she started to cry while hugging me. "OH MY GOD, DEAR, ARE YOU OKAY?" I've never heared her crying before. My rib hurt and my fist was bandaged. I told my aunt everything that had happened and I moved to another school. I could visit Gabrielle anyway. The school was still in the same neighborhood. I still think about it and it kind of felt good. The physical pain felt good in that moment, the anger and sadness were burning me inside and that accidental cut opened a door for it to go away, you know what I mean?

- Wow.- That's all I can say.

- I tend to overthink about everything when I feel sad. It never truly leaves. The pain never leaves. Nobody understands what it feels like. I must admit I'm proud of myself. I'm stronger now. Sometimes I also feel the hate from my father. He didn't stop to think he had a daughter when he hang himself from the ceiling of the bathroom. He was apparently too busy thinking about his precious wife and not about his young, weak and insecure daughter.- I take her hand to calm her down. She's strong. I want to tell her what she makes me feel and who I really am. We both have had rough pasts and now that I have her... I feel new.