Pregnant In the Quell

Chapter Thirty Seven

*One month later*

Though Peeta and I had an amazing time on our "getaway," I couldn't wait to come home and see my children. It was so hard being apart from them.

It feels like I missed way too much when we weren't home, even if it was only for a few days.

I sit on the old settee in Peeta's office/art studio, Jay in my arms, as I watch Peeta work.

Aster and Raine are both sleeping in a little bassinet that we put in Peeta's work area for when I'm not home.

Since the triplets were born, Peeta has moved his mayor work to home, so we had to convert his art studio into an office also. Peeta still has to go to the bakery a few days a week to make sure everything is going smoothly.

I bob Jay up and down as I try to calm him. He is always fussy in the morning, probably because he wakes up a lot more than the girls during the night.

I don't know why, but he always wakes up crying. He doesn't need fed or a diaper change, he just needs to be rocked back to sleep.

I can't help but feel scared, wondering if he is hurt. What if I'm doing something wrong?

"Peeta?" I ask desperately. Jay is wailing as I try everything to get him to settle down.

"What?" He asks as he looks up from his work for a split second. "What's wrong?" He mumbles as he begins writing things down again.

"Can you please help me with him?" I plead as I rock Jay back and forth.

"One second." Peeta replies as he lets out a sigh.

"Ugh!" I say angrily as I storm out of the room. I plop down on the couch, and I finally manage to get Jay to stop crying when I begin to feed him.

It's not until I see a few tears fall onto his little head that I realize I'm crying.

Not long after, my cries turn into sobs, and Peeta comes rushing out of his office.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He whispers as he wraps his arms around me. I say nothing— I just continue to sob.

Little Jay looks up at me confusedly, and Peeta takes him from my arms.

"I– I'm sorry." I cry as I lay down on the couch and bury my head into a pillow. "I'm sorry!"

Peeta takes Jay back into his office and comes back to me. He sits next to me and rubs my back.

"What's on your mind, Katniss?" Peeta whispers as he carefully picks me up and cradles me like a child.

"I'm so worried about Jay, Peeta." I whisper. "What if I'm doing something wrong!"

"Hey, look at me." He whispers as he strokes my hair. "You are an amazing mother, I don't know how you could do any better than you are doing right now."

"I just don't want him to suffer." I say, my voice completely shaken.

"We can take him to the doctor." Peeta says with a reassuring nod.

+++

My biggest fear in life is my children being hurt. I used to think it was starving, myself— or something completely illiterate like being reaped for the hunger games.

That is what has brought us here, sitting in district 12's medical clinic. The place wreaks of death, a smell that I have come prone to.

When I gave birth to my children here, we were sent to the child birth area. It was a better experience than this. I'm now filled with a thousand times more fear than then.

Peeta holds Jay in his arms, and I rest my head on his shoulder. I feel him shake every once in a while, something he has always done when he is scared.

"Jay Mellark?" I hear a doctor say. I flinch a little, but quickly come back into reality. I follow Peeta down a small corridor with the nurse. We are sent to a small room, where Doctor Aurelius has his examination for Jay ready.

"Katniss, Peeta." Dr Aurelius nods and shakes our hands. "It's been a while."

"It has." I say. He offers me a smile and then looks over to Jay, who I am holding tightly.

"And this is..." He starts as he looks through some files on a clipboard. "Jay?"

"Yes." I say firmly. Peeta puts his hand on my shoulder and I become less tense.

"Okay." Dr Aurelius says. "May I take him for the examination? It won't be long. Ten minutes at the most."

I give Jay a light kiss on the head before carefully handing him over to Dr. Aurelius. "I will take good care of him. I promise." He says before leaving Peeta and I in the empty room.

I shutter, and Peeta wraps his arms around me. He whispers loving phrases into my ear to calm me.

Maybe it's because I lost Dahlia so soon. Or because I know how cruel this world is, but I can't seem to leave the world of fear and hatred. To know there may be something wrong with my son is turning any happiness I ever had upside down once again.

I sit with Peeta for the longest eleven minutes of my life. No— eleven minutes and thirty six seconds. When Dr. Aurelius brings Jay back in, he's crying and Dr Aurelius has a concerned look on his face.

He hands a screaming Jay to Peeta, and I stroke his little tufts of blonde hair. Once he stops crying, Dr Aurelius lets out a sigh.

"Well, nothing major is wrong. He just has night terrors."

Night terrors. I give myself a minute to process the news. My child has nightmares. I'm speechless.

"They're hereditary.." Dr. Aurelius says. "He can take medicine, and they should go away as he ages."

"Fuck." I whisper to myself as I storm out of the room. What the fuck am I going to do? I'm the cause of my child's suffering.

+++

"It will be okay, Katniss. Jay won't suffer. We will give him medicine, and they will go away as they age." Peeta whispers as I lean over Jay's cot.

My tears fall onto the soft sheets, and I lay my head on Peeta's chest.

"Time will tell us." Peeta whispers. "Time will tell."