Laughter Lines (A Dan Smith/Bastille Fanfic)

74. Dark Blue Door

I awoke the next morning with my vision hasty. I looked around the room and remembered that I had locked myself in Dan's room. I also remembered talking to Taylor before I forgot everything else that happened but he was nowhere to be seen.

I have been sleeping on the floor, which I was glad that I did because I would cringe over the fact if I slept on Dan and Sophie's bed. I made my way to the bathroom to wash my face and gathered myself together to exit the bedroom.

I turned the door knob and saw the living room empty. Feeling relieved, I exhaled loudly and grabbed my things. Just as I was about to exit the front door, someone from behind it turned the knob. There he was, that tall figure with a refined quiff and midnight blue eyes, standing in front of me.

"I was just leaving," I murmured softly, embarrassed by my actions the night before.

"Oh, okay. Cool," he muttered. "I just remembered, I still keep your suitcase in my closet, if you'd still want it. One moment, let me get it."

I was honestly ashamed that I barged into his apartment, pretending to claim my stuff, when all I really wanted to do was to see his face again. I missed him. I really did miss him. And it made me really sad to see that he wasn't missing me at all. He did not seem glad to see me too. Maybe he was afraid that he would hurt Sophie if he reacted to my sudden appearance. Maybe I should scold myself for drinking that night. I would never have the courage to show up like that had I been sober.

"Uhm, Dan. It's okay... You don't have to look for it. I don't think I need it..." I swallowed.

Dan walked out of his bedroom with my coral vintage suitcase in his hand. "No, I think you should take it with you. Sophie... She doesn't like other people's things in this house. It freaks her out," he murmured. He lifted the suitcase and handed it to me. It was empty but it felt like I was carrying the biggest boulder with one hand. It made me sad that he was removing me completely from his life.

"Anna... I know everything is confusing for you right now. I was confused to, trust me. But, you know it's not cool to suddenly show up in front of my house, causing a scene. We are adults and I think we should act like one," Dan scolded me.

My eyes immediately watered, my chest heavy. I was trying my best to hold back my tears. "I... I am sorry," my voice trembled. "I wasn't myself. I did not mean to do that."

"Okay," he replied, folding his arms. "Are you going to be alright? I hope you're not mad at me for moving on too fast. I know it's quick but things happened and it felt right, I just can't explain it. What I felt for you was real. It always have been real. But when you saw me with Sophie on Halloween, I was relieved. I just knew we are not going to work out. I was glad that you caught me with her," he swallowed. I looked down my feet, hoping that I have the strength to answer him. If he really wanted to be with Sophie, he should just man up and told me the truth. I would understand and let him go. But he chose a coward way to tell me, which was for me to find out myself. It was not fair to me. I have a thousand of things to scold him but I couldn't see the point of doing it anymore.

"Anna? You're not mad at me, are you?" He repeated his question. I took a few calming breaths and glanced at him.

"I am mad at myself, not you.... I am mad for always thinking about you, missing you, loving you, forgiving you, for making you my life and most importantly, for not hating you because I know I really should. But, I just can't..." I held back my tears, swallowing a hard lump in my throat. I tried to maintain my cool and I was glad that I was able to speak in the calmest tone ever.

"Anna..." His voice softened.

"I have always hoped that you would never replace me, you know? Every person who is in a relationship would hope for that, but that's not the case for me. I will always be disposable," I faked a laugh.

He tried to speak again but I cut him off. "I should go," I abruptly said.

"Yeah, okay." He immediately ran to the door, opening it for me. He seemed eager for me to leave. I gave him one final look. "Thanks for stopping by," he murmured.

I blinked a couple of times and sniffed. "No, thank you for stopping by." I quickly walked out of the door and Dan immediately shut it.

I stood in front of the shut, dark blue door for a few moment, telling myself not to cry. And I didn't. That was it. I was finally letting him go.

As I exited the building, I was surprised to see Taylor standing next to his car at the car porch. He was waving at me, and I waved back. I was really happy to see him. He had helped me a lot during my hard times with Dan and I was thankful to always have him around. I walked up to him, dragging my stupid suitcase and smiled. "You're here..."

He returned my smile with a warm one while taking the suitcase away from my hand and opened the car door for me. "Of course I am here. I am always here..."