Laughter Lines (A Dan Smith/Bastille Fanfic)

60. Autumn Leaves

I was still a little melancholy about Dan, still wondering just what Dan was keeping from me, although he reassured me that he was just very busy with his band. Deep inside, I still have a feeling that there was something else but I could not figure it out just yet. I could only say that things between us were just okay, like a constant graph with no peaks.

Despite all that, I was doing really well at work. I was recently promoted to do music reviews for the magazine and was honored to be chosen. It all happened after I was assigned to fill in for a colleague who was on a two week leave and Loretta was impressed with my work, which prompted her to assign me as one of the writers for music reviews apart from still being a photographer for the magazine.

But, even a very busy day at work could not really take my mind off Dan. If only he thinks of me as much.

Taylor, being attentive, even though he had no reason to be, had noticed how troubled I looked.

Sipping on a mug of coffee, Taylor watched me while I was working at my desk, concern was clear in his warm eyes. It had been days since I heard from Dan, days without any clear answer from him on what he was doing. And Dan hadn't asked about what I was doing either.

I felt Taylor step up behind me. I glanced at him, who was dressed in his usual casual yet stylish work clothes, I watched him looked out the glass window. "I feel bad for that tree. Just look at it. It looks sad, lonely and depressed. Autumn really is a depressing season, isn't it?"

I smiled and joined him while still seated in my chair. "Yeah, it's definitely depressing... For the clean up worker. Having to remove that amount of leaves on the street everyday."

"Glad to know you still have a little humor in you, Anna." Taylor looked at me and chuckled, holding my gaze. "But, are you alright? You seemed down lately. Is something bothering you?"

I bit my lip and looked down at my feet. No one else had asked me about my mood. No one else had even noticed, not even Jennie nor Julian granted they were both quite occupied with their own lives at the moment - Jennie was nearly entering the third trimester of her pregnancy and her mind was pretty wrapped up about having to raise a baby of her own. Julian, on the hand, was busy with his cafe renovation.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Maybe..."

I looked back up at him, at his furrowed brows and the clear concern in his features. "You want to talk about it?" He asked softly.

Knowing I didn't really have anyone else at the moment to talk about it with, I shrugged. "Yeah , but it's hard to explain. It may take an entire day for me to whine about it."

Taylor smiled softly and took a sip of his coffee. "Why don't we have a little break from work and take a stroll outside. You can whine all you want. I am all ears."

I smiled at him and nodded.

The weather outside was a little bit chilly. Taylor and I took a walk at the park, which was not far from our office. The pavement was mostly covered with autumn leaves. I could literally hear the crisp of the leaves when we walked over them.

"So, what is up?" Taylor murmured beside me with both hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

Watching a few leaves fall from a huge tree in front of us, I swallowed. "It's, um, Dan." My voice was low and my heart felt like it was stabbed by a dagger when I heard myself said his name.

I didn't want to look at Taylor, but I heard his expression in his silence. It felt like he was trying to arrange his words so he would ask or say the right thing. "You think Dan is cheating on you?"

I glanced up at him, surprised but it was expected. My solemn mood was not so hard for him to draw conclusions from. "I don't know... Maybe? He just seemed... Distant. And different. Like he is holding back something, something he wanted to tell me but couldn't."

Taylor looked down on his feet. His eyebrows were furrowed. He then looked at me again. "Have you talked to him about it?"

"Yeah. He told me he was just busy with the tour," I swallowed, my voice started to tremble. A mere thought of Dan having someone else in his life was tearing me apart. If my instincts were true, I wished Dan would tell me the truth instead of lying about it. "It is hard to talk to him at the moment. Time difference is one thing, and the fact that he is always occupied with interviews and working on new material is another. It just feels different, you know? He would get agitated whenever I try to ask him. And it has been days since we talked to each other. I just... I just wish he would just let me know what's going on, you know?"

Taylor listened, not really commenting on Dan's behavior. He also didn't try to dissuade my fears by giving me false hope. Once he heard all of the facts, he never once told me it was nothing, or it would be okay, or I was overreacting. He only listened and nodded, and I suddenly realized why people gave each other unfounded reassurance. Not hearing, "It's probably nothing," from the person you were divulging your fears to, made those fears seem completely warranted, even if you didn't have enough proof to back them up.

When I had nothing more to say, Taylor sat on a swing in front of him and I joined him. He still was not saying anything, so I just sat at the swing quietly.

"I'm sorry I asked." He finally spoke, he was frowning, not really looking at me. I gave him a warm smile and leaned my head on the rope of the swing. "But, you deserve to be happy, Anna. Give yourself a break. Do something that makes yourself happy first, others later."

I smiled politely at him. Taylor was right. I had been miserable thinking too much about my fears that I have forgotten to actually live. "You're right. Thank you for always listening, Taylor."

"Hey, that's what friends are for," he placed his cold hand on my shoulder and gave me a warm, reassuring smile. "I'll always be here for you whenever you need me. If you ever need someone to talk to or to hang out, you know where to find me. But only if Dan's fine with it. I don't want him to get mad like last time."

I tucked my hair behind my ears and nodded. "I don't think he cares anymore," I almost whispered.

"Hey, now. Come on. No need for that frown," Taylor poked my waist which made me laughed a little.

"There, keep that smile on your face," he pointed at me. I smiled back at him as we sat on the swing and staring at each other. I hadn't realized that his eyes were so light when the lights hit them. He also had a really strong jawline which complimented his long, dark brown hair. I was analyzing his features when Taylor suddenly turned his face away from me, laughing, a little flushed.

"What?" I asked him.

"Don't look at people like that," he chuckled, shaking his head as he got himself out of the swing.

"Look at people like how?" I asked, with furrowed brows, looking at him who was standing in front of me.

"Nothing. Forget it," he murmured, still smiling. "Should we head back to the office then, Anna Skye?"