[13] Merc

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My hands move,
before my brain can tell them to.
Here in the artificial glow,
where everything is silver, grey, white
and neat and clean and bright,
another person takes over
my limbs.

No black, no dark – 
the recently familiar 
is scrubbed clean here,
save for my dirty footprints
tracing a path back to the dust.
And with newly found supplies,
this newly found me 
works.

With white threads,
coloured bottles – the smell 
of chemicals circles in my nose.
Silver metal clinking, 
clean fabric crinkling,
and the blood staining
the sheets, my hands, my clothes.
A gasp.

"I think she's waking up."
And I know what to do 
without knowing,
move for the solution 
without solving.
I'm a working machine
that doesn't recall being switched on – 
and more disturbingly, doesn't recall
being a machine 
at all.

And I fix her 
under the LED glow. Even though
I'm surrounded by people 
I barely know (I barely know 
her). Because we're all trapped 
by the unknown 
in this place – 
both outside and around and in – 
and there's no escape.

"How are you doing that?" he asks.
And I remove the bullet. 
And I clean away the blood.
And I stitch up the wound.
And I wrap it with fabric.
And I tell the truth.

"I don't know."



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