Things Have Changed For Me

Maybe

Sean basically planned everything for our little trip to New York, where the contest was being held. All three of us would meet up halfway at some airport and head over.

All in all, I was completely terrified. What if none of them remember us, or they feel like we've left them. And how are they going to react even if they do recognize us?

I don't even know why the hell I was going. Closure, maybe? Maybe I just needed a push to get on with my life and stop living in the past. I don't know.

It was too late to go back anyways. We were already aboard the plane, which was already nearly arriving. And catching up with Sean and Jess was a little relaxing as well. But I still feel like my stomach is twisted in a million different ways.

"What's up with you? We haven't seen each other in years and your sitting there staring out the window," Jess suddenly poked at me.

I fiddled a little with my bracelet. "I don't know. I'm just tired. That's all." I mean, what else am I supposed to say? I didn't want to go anymore?

She smirked to herself. "Look. I know you too well for you to be just tired. Ana, we used to be the closest friends that could be. Just tell me what's up."

I cleared my throat, and tried finding different ways to stall. I just didn't really feel like talking. "I kind of don't want to go anymore maybe." Both Sean and Jess stared at me with their mouths wide open in shock. "There's way too many things that could go wrong and very few things that could actually turn out right. Hell, maybe Brendon is already married. Maybe Ryan has kids or whatever. Maybe all of them have already moved on and us three are here trying to chase our pasts. What's the good in that? What's the good in even trying anymore if there's already a 99% chance that you will fail?"

I didn't get any reactions for what seemed like centuries. Just silence.

"You'll be that one percent," Jess said quietly. "You'll be the one who kept all your promises."

"Shit, Ana. Haven't you realized by now that you're the one thing that's kept us all together? You're still here. The three of us are here. And isn't that enough? Maybe they all did move on. Maybe they did leave us behind. But one thing I do know is that none of us have forgotten about each other. You can't forget what you need to remember." After all he said, Sean took a deep breath, waiting for us to smile, at least.

Maybe.

That's the word that kept being repeated.

It can mean good or bad. It's a 50/50 chance.

Why waste it.

"Okay," I let out finally. "Okay, but I don't want them to pick us as winners because they know us. I want them to pick us because they think we deserve it."

Jess rummaged through her purse, and pulled out a pair of sunglasses that cover nearly half her face. "You think they'll notice us in these? We can pick up some more at a shop in the city."

So it was a plan. We'd stop in New York and head directly over to the venue. Maybe, just maybe, we can be that one percent.

•~•~•~•~•

"Alright, everyone. Whoever is waiting for the contest, please go inside this tent," a blonde woman was directing us. I think she was the tour planner or something.

Most of the space was filled with young girls, around 11 or 12. A few older teenagers. And barely any guys. Yet no sign of any of the band.

The blonde woman, which we were told to call Cindy, separated everyone into four different lines and told us to take out our tickets for the contest.