Things Have Changed For Me

Things Have Changed... Again

Jess and Sean tried to catch up to me, but by now, I was already running. I stopped in the alley behind in arena, and just kind of fell with my back on the wall.

My tears began to make my vision blurry. Why was I crying? Maybe because the one person I needed in my life right now didn't even remember who I was.

Jess finally found me just sitting there, hugging my knees with my head down. She sat next to me, letting the sounds of the rain fill the silence.

"Y'know," she said after awhile, "It's kind of funny. Every time something goes wrong with you and Brendon, it starts to rain."

I smirked. "Yeah, but the rain is nice. You can't tell if someone is completely breaking down or if it's just raindrops on their face."

She put her arm around me, and we just sat there for awhile. I was contemplating whether or not I should tell her about the one night Sean came over.

I breathed in, trying to put everything together before I told Jess. "Look, I have something to tell you, but don't say anything until I finish." She nodded. "The night Sean came over, I kind of just lost it. My uncle called and said that my mom- she'd committed suicide and- and I couldn't take it anymore because I'd lost too many people already and I didn't think I could go on..." I continued telling her the story. About the overdose. The near-death. I could tell she was frustrated by the way she kept her hands closed tightly together in a fist.

"I'm better now, though," I added in conclusion, "But I thought that maybe today, Brendon would be the first person I would tell because I thought, y'know, he was the only one who understood me. But we both know how that didn't work out," I finished it off with a little laugh.

It was pretty quiet for awhile, just sitting there on the ground, our hair drenched from the rain. Dead silence. But then-

"You nearly died?" Ryan stood there, unsure if he should come closer or just stay there. "Ana," he said taking a few steps towards us, "If I would've known, I could've done something and I'm really sorry I wasn't there for you and- and.."

Jess slowly stood up. "Ryan, can I talk to you," she said while taking his arm and leading him away from me so I couldn't hear.

I moved a little closer to them, out of their sight, and strained my ears so I could hear them. Yeah, sure I'm nosy. But who wouldn't be?

"Jess, I'm sorry," Ryan stuttered, "I thought you guys looked familiar but I didn't think you, out of all people, would come to one of our concerts. If I'd have known, I wouldn't have just stood there and maybe-" Jess pulled him into a hug, and they just stayed that way until Ryan whispered an 'I love you'. That's when Jess started crying. And Ryan hugged her tighter.

"But we can't stay here, and we have to leave tomorrow," Jess said, a little unsure of herself. Ryan pulled back, a look of shock on his face. "You know that Ana isn't fine, no matter what she says, and being around Brendon isn't going to help her at all."

"What if you stay? Ana will have Sean with her! And you guys will keep in touch," Ryan desperately tried convincing her.

Jess's head dropped down. "What happened the last time some of us tried keeping in touch? Right now, Ryan, I'm the only one who can help her get through whatever the hell she's going through right now."

I just sort of stopped listening at this point. Maybe everything Jess said was right. But I'm not going to be the one to break the whole group up again.

I grabbed my bag and ran to where I saw Brendon the very last time. I spotted Sean talking to Spencer about some new video game that just came out. And Jon and Cassie right next to them, laughing along the others.