Forbidden Love

7. Confused ✔️

Lily's POV

I didn't want to stay with him, but I did. After he kissed me last night he asked me to sleep in his bed with him. I did. A stupid move. I stared at the arm he had wrapped around my Dolce & Gabana covered waist and his face that was only an inch away from mine.

There are so many reasons that this is wrong. One, he's 11 years older than me. Two, he's my boss. Three, he's getting married in 3 months.

Neither him, nor Sarah want this marriage. But he says he has to do it. It doesn't make sense. Why would he wanna marry someone he doesn't want just because his mom asked him to. Or maybe I'm missing something here.

After 5 minutes of struggle, I was able to get his arm off my waist without waking him and made my way to the kitchen. 'I don't want this' was all I could think about, but at the same time I had this crazy urge to never let him get out of my sight, even if he doesn't want me. Why?

One month ago I was still in love with Taylor, and now... Was it love even? Or was it just the illusion of love? Not only am I confused about what I had with Taylor, but I'm also confused about this whole new set of feelings I have for my boss. How is this even possible? How can someone get this attached to a monster who's been nothing but mean to her for the past month? How did he manage to make me forget about Taylor from the very first moment I saw him at the club? Was I really that much of a hypocrite? I mean I know Taylor cheated on me, but how could I forget about that pain every time I looked at Chris? I felt like a whore. Speaking of whore, maybe Cece can be some sort of help in this kind of situation.

Chris makes me question myself, he makes me doubt myself, he makes me feel like I'm not enough, he makes me feel things that I can't find any explanations for. 'This is really frustrating.'

Last night I didn't object when he told me not to be with any other guy. 'Such an arrogant request when you're marrying someone else.'

My mind is exploding. No, this shouldn't happen. This thing that I have for Chris...it's wrong. As soon as he wakes up I'll talk to him and say nothing is going on between us. It couldn't be that hard, right? I mean I just know the guy for a month, getting over him would be easy. I can do this, after all I'm rational more than I am emotional. What I have for him is just purely sexual. I mean he has the body of a...actually nothing can compare to his body. It's a masterpiece. And don't even get me started on his face. Those eyes...

'Snap out of it you whore. You don't have any kind of feelings for this guy, he's your boss and he's a jerk. That's all you should think of him as, the jerk boss.'

I looked at the clock. It was nearly 6:50. He overslept. That's a first for him. My class starts at 9:15 today so I still had a lot of time. I started making his breakfast but he still didn't wake up so I put his bacon and soup in the microwave and left a note on it as I went to take a shower.

My mind went to last night again. 'Why do I have this... I don't even know what this is. Sexual attraction? Hatred? Love? All I know is that, it always makes me think about him.'

"Taylor." I whispered his name to myself out of nowhere as the warm water embraced my body. He cheated on me but I still felt guilty for giving up on us so quickly and having these confusing feelings for someone else within a month after our unofficial breakup. I'm really confused about everything and I don't like one bit of it.

'Only two more weeks, Lily. Two more weeks and you don't have to live with him anymore.'

After I was done with my shower and put on my clothes, the note was still on the microwave. I checked inside of it and the breakfast was still there. It was 7:35. Was he still asleep? I went to knock on his door to wake him up. He was late for work, although he worked from home now. I heard him grunt and opened the door slowly.