Purpose | Josh Dun (ON HOLD)

Drowning

I stared at the cracks on the sidewalk as I walked home, making sure I didn't step on any of them.
Step on a crack, break your mother's back.

I used to do this a lot when I was in elementary school, carefully maneuvering myself down the halls and on the playground. Life was simpler back then. Out little minds weren't corrupted with the harsh world. Everything was fun and exciting. We didn't question or worry about every little thing. We could do whatever we want. Be whoever we want. But then we grew up. We have to face reality and give up on our dreams. Flying rocket ships to the moon became a fantasy. Princesses and magic became silly fairytales. Growing up sucks.

I thought about Josh a lot on the way home from school. His laugh, the way his eyes squint when he smiles, and his smurf hair. He was just so happy and energetic. At least, it seemed that way.
Why haven't I noticed him before? Why did he suddenly appear two months after school started?
I couldn't help but think that there was more to this boy than what meets the eye.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

I stepped through the front door of my house, and of course, my family was arguing again. No surprise there. My family couldn't go a day without attacking each other's throats. The smallest things would turn into the biggest arguments. Objects would be thrown, doors would be slammed, and words like knives would be thrown around, leaving scars where ever they go.

My family wasn't bad. My parents were still together and I had a younger brother, Gabriel, who was 14 (three years younger than me.) My parents always got us what we wanted. They made sure we had everything we needed and they worked hard everyday so that we could have a good future. However, we never got along. I don't even remember the last conversation we had without arguing. But every family has its own issues, I guess.
Another yell sounded through the thin walls of the house. I sighed, making my way upstairs to start my homework.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

I was suffocating.
Shadows were lurking across my bedroom walls, just like they always did in the nighttime. Monsters were coming out from underneath my bed, attacking me with vicious words.

But these monsters were different. They didn't have fangs, or spikes, or scales. No, these monsters were me. Different versions of me, living in the back of my mind. My mind was like a deadly disease, killing me with hateful thoughts everyday. The monsters had only one goal-to make my life a living hell. They fed off my insecurities, making me hate myself.
Ugly
Fat
Stupid
Worthless
Disappointment

Every thought took another breath of air away from my lungs. I couldn't breathe. They were getting stronger. Their dark hands wrapping around my neck- choking me. They were laughing, enjoying the pain they were putting me through. It just kept getting worse and worse until I wasn't choking anymore. Now I was drowning. Drowning in self-hatred and in self-pity. I was desperately trying to stay afloat, to get over the endless ocean of my thoughts. I was barely floating, trying my hardest to make it.
This is why no one likes you.
You're a freak.
This is why they all left.
Everybody leaves you.
You're a nobody.
You have no purpose in this world.
You don't matter.
No one cares.
They all just feel bad for you.
You're all alone again, just like you'll always be.
Alone.
Alone.
Alone.

They were taking a toll on my soul, and I was desperately screaming for submission.

Josh and Tyler don't hate me, I thought, trying to find a little hope.

But no matter how tightly I'll hold on, my demons would still find a way to knock down the little hope I had left.

They don't care, they never will, no one will.
You're all alone.
Maybe you should just kill yourself already.

I felt like the leaves in the wind. Trying to desperately hold on with all my will, but a stronger force would always come and knock me back down. I was hopeless.

Maybe you should just die.
Kill yourself.

"Maybe I will," I whispered quietly into the darkness. And I let myself slip into unconsciousness.

|-/
Guess what I wrote instead of writing my English paper that's due tomorrow.
Anyways, I know this story is moving a little slow, but I just wanted provide a little bit of background on Arielle's life.
I have a lot planned for this book, I just have to get my lazy ass to write all of it down.

Shoutout to ratedMformaddy for voting and commenting on my story! Thanks fren, you're awesome.

Thank you so much for 68 reads!

Stay alive |-/