Have you ever been into situations where you cannot figure out what is it that you're really into?
When things that are happening were incomprehensible but are strongly crashing everything in you?
When half of you thought you'd almost understand but the other half was actually looking for an exit?
I had never felt this confused my whole life and this was the only thing that ever fucked me up this bad. You and whatever I had with you had brought madness in me that just felt so absurdly satisfying—cause you're suicide.
You had torn my skin and there's no way I will let you tickle me more and cut me even deeper. Even if it ironically kills me not to let you do it. Maybe it wasn't time for this, for me to grab your hand and stab myself with the knife it holds.
Everything between you and me was vague, I may have chances of going deeper and find the thought I want out of it but the depths of this uncertainty is worse than I expected. It's suffocating, strangling and leaves me fucking breathless.
What are we?
What am I to you?
How do we call this complicated relationship we have?
Just, what the fuck are you and me?
I never want to misunderstand your actions, because there is a possibility that they were made out of caring and not out of love. I don't want to get the wrong thought but I can't help myself from taking it that way.
Having been believing that you love me too is a slice of heaven, truly indescribable—euphoric. Yet, the possibility for opposition is killing and destructive. It had that power of devastating me. You are certainly going to be the death of me.
So what do I do? Do I let us continue this baffling bond or do I cut it?
Cause if you have no plans of working things out with me, just go away.
Trying to continue with all uncertainties I have with you, I'll get hurt.
Losing you, I'll get hurt.
I do not intend to choose hurting but it seems to be a necessity. If that's the only way I'd get out of this perplexed situation, so be it.
Fuck you, and I love you.
~I know I promised to post JAY's story but I am still planning the execution of his death so pardon me. Thanks!
