I saw you on a teacher's day celebration doing your best to teach a class of noisy bastards. I was totally floored the time that I saw you, and I don't think you have any idea about that.
I dare to ask your name and everything about you and even dared to know if you could be mine just like how you owned my heart.
Time passes by and the efforts I gave paid off. I had you.
They say we're too young for love. Maybe they're too old to understand.
We maybe high schoolers but I don't think love has age requirements. I can feel it. The love we had was true and steadfast.
We made our dreams together, laugh at our imperfections, and planned for our future together.
I was so in love with your scent, your voice, your smiles, your fails, your achievements and everything. I told myself that I will be the best man you'll need. I won't let you slip, no, not gonna happen.
T'was just like any ordinary day when you forget how to smile and laugh, I knew something is bothering you, I cared so much that I had learned to read your expressions. I knew you won't say anything. So I did everything to make you happy. But all I got in return was a faint smile and a weak expression.
Ano bang nangyayare?
That was the worst day of my life.
You continue the act and I just can't understand why. Hindi ko din malaman kung ano ba ang dapat kong gawin. Nakakabaliw, kasi parang wala akong magawa para sayo.
Bit by bit, you were getting colder and colder, and the time come that you were no longer my reach and you told me, "We need to break up."
I asked you why and you replied, "Nagsasawa na ako."
I didn't bother asking again. Wala akong magagawa kung yun ang gusto mo. If that's more comfortable for you, then I'll support you. Kahit masakit. Kahit ayoko naman talaga.
If that is what will make you smile again, fine, I can take the pain.
Gusto lang kita makitang masaya ulit.
We never had the chance to talk to each other after the break up. We were both too busy for graduation, but that doesn't stop me from checking you out.
The pain in my chest decreased when I saw a familiar smile on your face when you were walking down the hall with your friends. That time, I knew the pain you gave me was worth it.
But then, you came back and want us together again. Hindi pa naman nawawala ang pagmamahal ko para sayo, it actually had intensified nung mga panahong hindi kita makasama.
The time na nasakin ka na ulit, I did everything to prove you that I wasn't worth leaving for the second time.
Ayoko na maulit yung nangyare dati. Kaya pinakita ko sayo na worth it na bumalik ka sakin.
I buy you foods, I am patiently dealing with your PMS, I picked you up after your class kahit ano pang pagka busy ko. Hindi ko pinalagpas lahat ng pagkakataon na meron ako para ipaalala sayo kung gano kita kamahal.
I was totally in love with you. You were my everything.
Kaso nagbago ka nanaman.
Ayokong maghinala, kasi baka pagod ka lang, exhausted, o stressed.
But no..
I rarely see you for weeks. But I still trust you. Kaya nung matyempuhan kita, lumapit ako agad at niyakap ka. I missed you so damn much.
You smiled faintly and told me you have to go.
I know that smile. That expression. That look. I know that very much.
I went home as paranoia kills me on the inside. I called your phone but you won't answer.
Please! Please! Not again!
I throw myself at my bed and felt the hot tears flow down my face. Tangina.
Hindi naman siguro diba? Hindi ka naman siguro nagsasawa sakin, ulit.
You called me that night, your voice was cold and expressionless, and I hate it. Fuck! I hate it!
"Giana. What's happening?"
"Sorry Jeffrey."
"Nagsawa ka na ba ulit?"
"No. Not that."
I felt quite relieved after hearing her say that. Parang nawala lahat ng kaba ko at gusto kong magsumigaw sa tuwa.
"Jeffrey.."
"Hmm?"
"I'm falling for Yvan."
"..."
Parang gumuho ang mundo ko sa sinabi niya. She's falling for another guy.
"Let's end this. I'm so sorry."
"Will you be happy if I let you go?"
"Yes."
"Okay then, you're free."
I hung up the phone as I hold my tears. Sht. It happened again.
You left me again.
Tahimik lang sa buong kwarto ko. Walang maririnig na kahit ano. Hanggang sa bigla nalang tumulo ang mga luha sa tulala kong mata at magsimulang maramdaman yung sakit.
San ba ako nagkulang? San ako nagkamali? Bakit sa pangalawang pagkakataon iniwan mo nanaman ako?
Para akong sinaksak diretso sa puso dahil sa mga sinabi niya. All this time umasa lang ba ako na hindi mo gagawin ulit yun? Na hindi mo ko ulit iiwan?
Putangina! Bakit ba napakaselfish mo?!
You were never the girl I used to love. You were never the girl I made my dreams with. Why the hell did you have to come back and break me even more?
Why the fucking hell did you do this to me?!
I let myself cry and feel the pain until I feel numb.
I gave myself to you, I trusted you, I had my faith that you and I were still possible. But you break everything that I invested to make our relationship work. I am broken, every part of me.
Months passed and you came back to me. You smiled and told me you were sorry for everything.
Tinanong mo din ako kung pwede ba na maibalik yung kung anong meron tayo.
I smiled at you and I saw how your eyes twinkled because of that.
But the flashing smile in your lips immediately brushed off when you heard my reply.
"I had loved you so much but you break me, and I loved you again but you break me. I'm sorry, but I am so tired of loving you."
Your sorry won't heal me. It won't return the love I lost. I lost myself by loving you.
And right then, I had learned so much about falling in love when I fell out of it.
