Reveries and Musings

11

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"Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love."

--- George Eliot

To love is so much more simple than to lose. Obviously. Losing someone you've loved with your everything is even worse.

You separate, go your own ways, not because you stopped loving each other, or because you fought. It's because circumstances forced you apart. And that's even more difficult.

When you fight, or stop loving, you have a reason to hate the other person, to hold a grudge against them, a way to blame them. And sometimes, this hate, grudge, it helps you get over them. For, you know, or rather, you convince yourself that loving them is wrong for you, on too many levels to count. You will yourself to believe that that person can never be the best for you. That you deserve more, you deserve so much better.

You force yourself to move on, forget, leave the past behind, because there are many more fish in the sea, however crude that may sound.

But when it's circumstances forcing you apart, you don't stop loving, you don't stop wanting and wishing.

You still picture yourself together, three years, five years, many more years down the line.

You're still willing to give up everything to be together again.

There's no one you can blame, or hold grudges against or take your anger out on. Because it's nobody's fault here, not really.

It's just time playing its deceiving games. And you're just a pawn in its hands. There's nothing you can do but be played.

Whatever is destined to happen, will happen anyway.

You can pull all your strings, do everything in your power to change it, but, unfortunately, it's going to happen anyway and your efforts are pretty much in vain.

Time heals everything, they say.

Eventually, all will be forgotten.

But how do you get rid of an emotion, forget a feeling? How do you give up all your dreams, wishes? How can you stop yourself from thinking what could be, and would be, if only...if only Fate hadn't intervened? Can you really move on so easily? How much time are you willing to give yourself to do so? For how long will you keep your life on hold, stop living, so you can move on?

And what do you do when your very reason for living, loving, is ripped away from you?

To ask someone to move on, forgive, forget is the worst advice one can ever give.

Because that will happen only when you yourself accept the fact that you need to stop living in the past and in the what ifs and move on.

Nobody can do that for you, except you.

Remember, no one will love you more than you will ever love yourself.

And that's okay, because it isn't wrong. It isn't harming anyone in the least.

Contradicting yourself is probably the worst, and yet, the best thing to do.

You can't help but question how to love yourself.

Sometimes, you need someone to love you in order to learn how to love yourself.

Sometimes, the person who's the best for you now, may end up being the worst for you, one year later.

And sometimes, the person who's the worst for you now, may end up becoming your salvation a year later.

But sometimes, just sometimes, the person who's the best for you now, may just be the best for you, even a year later.

Why? Why are you still stuck on the same person, even after so long? What does that person do to you, that you can't forget him?

Do they bring out the best in you, or the worst? Do they inspire you to be a better person, a better human, or simply, a somebody from a nobody?

Does that person make you feel like you're the one that matters the most, that your presence is absolutely significant to make this world a better place?

Attachment, on such a level, can sometimes be your downfall. Nothing, and nobody is a permanent fixture in your life.

You yourself aren't permanent in anyone else's life. Eventually, everyone leaves, by choice, or by force.

You came into this world empty-handed, and you'll leave that way too. Not even memories will remain with you when you're nothing but a piece of dying ember.

Learn to cut people off your life, who're not what you need or want.

Figure out how much of you is still you and how much of you is actually the person they wanted you to be.

Most importantly, though, learn to let go.

Life will move on, go on, the way it wants to, irrespective of whether you worry or stress over it, or not. It will go on, whether you keep up with it, or not.

All of us, we're in a race, a race against time, against life. We're all running to achieve something.

But is our goal that which we want? Or what society wants? Don't run in that race that everybody's running in. Run your own race.

Your goal was never to be better than anyone but the person you were yesterday.

Remember this too – love is never about pain. It never can be. Not the kind of pain that kills you, destroys you, bit by tiny bit. The kind of pain that eats at you, eroding your insides till there's nothing left but a big, black hole, leading into nothingness.

Love can never be that kind of pain, because love can never lead to destruction on such a scale.

Love is all about the pain that makes you stronger, more worldly, wiser. Love is about the pain that makes you believe more in yourself, that makes you a better human. Remember too, if it was meant, it will be, no matter what you do.

Let go of things. If they were meant to be, they'll happen anyway.

Let nature take its course. And for now, sit back and enjoy the show while it lasts.