Reveries and Musings

6

"Solitude is the soul's holiday, an opportunity to stop doing for others and to surprise and delight ourselves instead."

--- Katrina Kenison

Have you ever felt like you just want to be left alone for a while? Just left alone to your thoughts, so you can talk to yourself, be by yourself, just for a while?

A person who's very social, always around people, would feel the need to be alone more often than an introvert who's, more or less, always alone, by choice.

We all want things we don't, or can't, have.

Often, I'll find myself surrounded by people, but, even as I stand in the heart of the crowd, I'd feel so alone, so lost, so empty. The people passing by would be just a blur, the cacophony of noises cease to exist and I can feel myself being pulled back, sucked into the void, even as I reach out to someone, anyone, to pull me back, snap me back to reality.

But no one does. And that's when I realise that , in life, there isn't going to be anyone to be with me every step of the way. You'll have friends, but you'll have no one to share your innermost feelings and thoughts with.

And it's times like these that teach you the importance of self-love and self-acceptance.

When you're up at three in the middle of the night, crying your heart out, you're going to have no one to comfort you, except you. It'll be you who'll have to give yourself the strength to pull yourself together, stand up straight, hold your head high, and say that you CAN do it, because you believe in yourself, whether someone else does or doesn't.

There are times when there's so much going on in your head, and you'd like to say it out loud, but there's no one to listen, to understand.

When you can't fathom what's going on in your life, can't wrap your head around changes taking place too fast, don't know what you're going to do with your life, how you're going to start or end something, that's when you feel the need to escape.

Escape from this world, from this stress, from the constant pressure of being a certain way in order to fit into society. At times like these, you're entitled to escape. It's justified. Everyone needs a fantasy they can slip into, just for a while, because it's their sanctuary, their place to think or forget.

And escape is fine as long as it's for a short while. Stretching it too much would mean that you're not temporarily running away from the stress, you're permanently running away from responsibilities and obligations. And that's when you become a coward, a wimp, a person without any backbone, without any courage, without even an ounce of self-respect.

There's always a difference between loneliness and 'me' time. The biggest being that one is by choice, and the other isn't.

You escape from this world to spend some time with yourself, by choice.

And you find yourself alone in this world, with no one to talk to or share your feelings with, definitely not by choice.

But somewhere, vaguely, you've made a choice too. A choice to pull yourself down, not believe in yourself, to allow yourself to be inferior as compared to others.

Learning to love solitude is the biggest thing you can do for yourself.

Why would you love yourself any less? Because you can't do what someone else can do? Have you ever wondered, though, ever questioned, whether that someone else can do what you can?

Don't go looking for pity. All you're going to get is loads of criticism and ignorance. It's a harsh world where most people don't care about what you want, or how you're suffering.

But just because it's a hard world, doesn't mean you stop loving or become heartless.

Everybody is entitled to their share of heartbreak, falling in love, falling out of it. And think of it this way. Every time your heart breaks, you're one heartbreak closer to finding your one true love, your destiny.

I know that it's difficult to be optimistic when the life you've built so carefully, so painstakingly falls apart right in front of your eyes and you're helpless to do anything but keep looking on, desperately.

But you need to know that if you wallow in self-pity, try to drown in your tears, nobody will come swooping down to be your saviour. Eventually, it'll be you, and only you, and your decision to stop whiling away your life.

But, let me tell you something.

It's okay to break down. It's okay to cry, to punch, to break things. It's okay to let out all your emotions, to let it all go.

It doesn't make you weak, it doesn't make you a coward. It makes you human.

And being human is so much more important than being perfect.

Because perfection is just a perception.