Badboy Kisses

Chapter 21

"Jamie" I heard someone bugging me to wake up. "Mm?" I said as I rolled over in my bed, I shot up quickly as I didn't remember how I got into my bed and what happened last night. "Jamie your going to be late for school, come on get up" my mom says pulling me out of bed. I get out still half asleep I walk over to my window to see Olly getting ready he looks right at me and laughs. Shit! I looked like shit I close my curtains and got ready in 10 minutes I managed to shower, throw a t shirt, jeans and my white slip on vans on and run down the stairs and head out the front door. I walk over to my car and as I do so I hear Olly shouting my name I try and ignore it closing my eyes as I fail to do so. I finally turn around, "Hey!" I say fake laughing. Last night was extremely awkward basically, I got absolutely wasted and decided to pour my heart out to him and tell him how much I loved him and cried and laughed whilst he stay sober. It was too early for me to be making conversation as my head was banging and I looked like shit and I was still embarrassed. "How's the hangover?" He asked smiling. I dropped the smile "I can't even ugh" I said holding my head in my hands. "I'll drive" he says taking my keys and getting into my car. I put my head on the window trying to fall asleep and as soon as I do I hear Olly say something. "Jamie" he asks. "What?" I say angrily. "Are we okay now?" "Friends" I said in reply looking out. I heard him take a breathe too speak but he stopped. He started clenching the stirring wheel really tight, "Olly.." I said looking at his hands. He wouldn't listen and started breathing really fast. "Olly!" I shouted he slowed down the car and pulled into school. He parked the car and gave me my keys. "I'm sorry." He mumbles and slams the car door. "Fuck sake!" I shouted as I grabbed my bag and slammed the door. "Hey Jamie what's up?" Amy asks as we walk into school together. "He's mad at me because I just want to be friends." She looked at me "You're my best friend and I support all your decisions but this is stupid, you both clearly love each other and you should be together!" She said. "Amy we need to end this, the world he lives in isn't good for me and we're going to leave each other anyway in a few months. It all happened way too fast and the world he lives in is way too dangerous for me" I said. "Jamie if you really love him you'd take him as he is. I gotta get to class, see you at lunch?" I nod. I make my way to English and sit in my seat with my books out.

I stare at the window to the yard and the woods and I day dream about a lot of  deep shit until I feel someone tap my shoulder. I look to see a boy I had never spoken to in my life, "the teachers been shouting your name for the past five minutes." I look to the teacher, "Jamie would you like to tell us your opinion on love?" "Love is stupid, heartbreaking and tiring. We spend so much time wanting people to love us we are more fascinated with the idea of love than the actual person. Things get in the way, people change and they leave and the love that mattered doesn't anymore. I find it's easier to set up barriers against someone before they make you fall so deeply in love with them then drop you like you never meant anything to them. Love is so much fucking bullshit" I said sitting back in my seat. "Thank you Jamie and for your colourful choice of words be sure to change them next time." I flashed a quick smile and zoned out for the rest of the lesson.

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I walked out of school and saw Olly once again we made eye contact for a moment before he walked away. I looked around me to see groups of girls my age laughing, I see boys chatting, I see couples pouring their hearts out to each other. And I see me, alone in the middle of it all. Because in reality that's what I am before Olly and now, I'm alone in this big world where life happens. I ran to my car and started driving down to a large field where no one is. I come here every once in a while but since I met Olly I haven't been once. I guess I didn't want to take him here because it is my place and I didn't want to go and re - live memories of us.

There was a few boys skating around the park so I went further down to the grass, dropped my bag and sat down cross legged. I stayed there until just after sunset and decided it was best to leave before dark. Time on my own was good I'm so busy with everything I never get time to myself. I've always been alone, and I guess I'm so used to it I prefer it. The silence and the calmness it's great but we get so lost in our lives we forget about us.

I was kicking a few stones whilst walking to my car until I heard a few voices talking and I decided to listen because there was no one else here and I was feeling nosey. "I'm glad she ended it man" I suddenly recognised the voice. Olly. "I didn't want to lie to her anymore, I cheated on her when we were together. I couldn't live with that so I guess it's best that we stay apart." I'd heard as much as I needed to. I ran to my car and managed to keep the tears in. Until I drove away, I cried a lot. I was such a fucking idiot, I loved him I really did. He cheated on me, how could he do that? We were inseparable and I honestly didn't think in a million years that he'd ever do that to me. I drove down to the bard part of town and managed to get a bottle of vodka. I ran to my room shut the door and sat on my bed. I opened the vodka and drank it I felt it burn my throat and I winced at the feeling. But it didn't stop me, I drowned all my sorrows into it. I soon fell asleep but was awoken by the feeling of sickness. I ran out of bed at 3:30am and was sick in my toilet. I didn't have to be quiet as my mom was away but I felt like absolute shit. I walked slowly back in to my bedroom after getting water. I looked outside my window to get some air and I saw Olly, he looked at me as if he actually cared. "I know what you did." I said whispering in my drunk state. I close the window and went back to my bed. I thought about him all night staring at my dark ceiling. Why wasn't I enough? I thought he loved me.
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My alarm went off at 7am telling me I had another day of school. My head was banging and I felt like I was going to be sick. Typical hangover. I got ready and plonked myself in my seat in Math just before the bell. The whole morning was a blur. I was sat in the cafeteria with Amy and I saw Olly walk in laughing with his friends as if he didn't have a care in the world. I guess he didn't, but that wasn't fair. I stood up, walked towards Olly and shouted in his face. "You fucking piece of shit. How could you do that to me?! I loved you and you fucked a slag shows how much you loved me." At this point the whole cafeteria was silent and Olly's smile dropped. "I'm sorry". I slapped him and I slapped him hard, is that all he had to say. I walked out of the cafeteria and my name was being called by multiple people. I ignored them all and ran to the toilets and stood in front of the mirror. I was done crying over him. I went to an empty classroom and planned to sit there until someone told me to go to class. I thought about how in 1 week I'd be off to San Fransisco whilst Olly would be here miles away. And I was looking forward to it, i need a fresh start is been through so much shit here. I couldn't wait to get away. I ended up not getting caught and I left school early as I didn't want to face the crowds that would come up to me when I left. I managed not to get caught in the classroom and I left school early as I didn't want crowds of people asking me what happened. I was driving back home and thinking about how every time something happens between Olly and I he always came to find me and bring me back. But this time he hadn't and I was bummed to say the least. I guess this was really it. I lost my first love and it did really hurt especially when he never loved me in the first place. I feel more alone than I ever have done before.
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