A Reylo Romance: "Don't be Afraid, I Feel it Too"

Suspended In You (Part Three)

After the tree incident Kylo's a lot more careful with how high he throws me, although I ask to go higher each time, as I practice slowing my landing. He was right. Confidence is half the skill of using the Force. I toss him too and we make it into a game, getting better and better at responding to each others' hand signals, working together.

I don't even feel hungry when the sun begins to set. I just want to keep jumping and flying through the air. But the temperature is dropping and I can see my breath in front of me. Soon it will be dark and I have no idea what kind of creatures, if any, live on Yavin_4. Yet I have no desire to go back into the cave either.

"Come on," I say to Kylo. It's harder to see him in the shadows among the trees now. "One more time?"

He shakes his head no and starts to walk away. There's a sinking feeling in my stomach when I think of going to sleep tonight. "Kylo, please? Just once more?" I run after him and grab his arm. "I think we can do it together."

"We tried. It didn't work."

"Let's try one more time, to jump up and double boost ourselves. I'm more confident now. I can stop my fall... without landing on you."

Kylo runs his hand through his dark hair, looking up at one of the moons. The sky has gone dark so quickly I wonder how fast this planet actually turns. His eyes seem to catch the starlight and I want time to freeze, right here, forever. I close my eyes, solidifying the image of him in my mind. I never want to forget it.

"One more time," he says softly.

I smile and open my eyes. "Great! In the clearing, come on."

I start to run and Kylo follows. We've got it practiced now, our Force an extension of each other's and yet still our own. Kylo catches up to me and grabs my hand. For the first time in my life I don't mind that someone's holding my hand. He's a fast runner and my feet barely touch the ground.

"Ready?" he calls to me.

"Yes!" I yell back and we jump, using our opposite hands to release a burst of energy down to the ground that pushes us up, high up. I tilt my head back, the wind rushing over me. Above us the sky is full of stars.

Kylo reaches his free hand for my waist and the movement throws us into a spin. He slides his hand behind the small of my back, holding me from spinning out of his grasp. I laugh, throwing my head back, watching the stars spin. Millions of stars and planets, and then there's us, here, on this one tiny planet, alone. Somehow we ended up in the same place at the same time. 

My heart squeezes in my chest. Somewhere deep inside of me I know we'll never have this moment again. I can feel a shift coming, one that will change everything, with an outcome that no one can guess. I reach for Kylo. Does he feel it too?

The spinning has slowed and I pull Kylo closer, closing the gap between us. Thunder rolls in the distant hills and I look out across the land. The moons bathe the treetops in soft colours. We're suspended in the air, like the moment right before gravity kicks in and you fall, a second of weightlessness, only it stretches on and on. 

A cool breeze brushes my back yet Kylo's closeness warms me. I lose my eyes. I feel the Force inside of me coming alive, moving around me like water, and inside of me like it's alive, awakening, spinning and flowing through me and to Kylo then back again from him to me. There are no sounds up here so high above the forest, no movement, just us. 

Kylo's cape flaps gentle in the breeze. There's a flash of light behind my closed eyelids and the clap of thunder. I open my eyes and see lightning flashes of different colours, over the mountains.

"Wow," I breathe.

"That's us, Rey," Kylo says, his voice thick with emotion. I look at him, his eyes flash with the reflection of the lightning as it spins into his view.

"What?" I ask. 

He glances over my shoulder. "The lightning, we're doing that." He brings up my hand that he's been holding and clasps fingers with me, palms touching. My hand looks like a small child's in his large one.

"That's impossible," I say, and yet I know he's telling the truth. We're doing that, we're flowing through the energy on this planet, or it's flowing through us.

"I could never really control its power," Kylo says softly, resting our hands to his chest. "But with you it's easier." His eyes search mine and I hold my breath. "The Force is lighter with you, natural... free, but still strong. Not like a bondage, but a gift." His glance travels down to my lips for a moment, then back to my eyes again. "Who are you Rey?" he says.

I furrow my brows. "Me?"

I'm Rey, just Rey. Kylo closes his eyes and a pain, an emotional pain unlike any I've ever felt, so strong I can hardly breathe, grips at my heart. It's not mine, it's Kylo's. His thoughts, his memories flow to me.

"What are you doing?" he asks, tightening his grip on my waist.

I shake my head. I'm not doing anything. But I can't seem to talk, or to stop what is happening. I close my eyes and focus. I see Kylo in a room, as a boy. It's a classroom but he's the only one not outside playing at recess. He's being held in, punished for another outburst of anger. The stares, from the other kids, the fear in their eyes whenever he gets close to them. They whisper about him. He tries, but he can't control the power, ever moving in him, ever taring him apart, the light and the dark, both fighting for his mind. Power flies out of him when he's excited, hurting others by accident, pushing them, pushing him to insanity. 

He's an outsider, not included, feared, unwelcome, a hush falls across the room when he enters. They whisper that he's strange, weird. His mother doesn't understand. She frowns whenever she looks at him now, trying to figure him out. There's no more patience left in the teachers, his peers have all alienated him at school. She can't help him. The conversations behind closed doors, "he's too much like his grandfather." They're convinced the only way is to send him away from home, to the older Jedi's who could help, possibly understand what is inside of him and how to control it. But he's too strong, too different than the other Force-sensitive kids. They fear him. Always untouched, always unloved and now, forever un-redeemable.

"No," I try to say, clenching my fists. I see Kylo finding his grandfather's helmet, or maybe it found him. His grandfather, Darth Vader, the only one that could really understand all this. The image of the melted mask, I try to push it out of my mind. I want to tell Kylo that no one is un-redeemable, that I was different too, but now new images are passing between us. My home on Jakku, with all the markings on the wall. I don't want Kylo to see the markings, the endless days marked on a wall symbolizing how long I've been abandoned, unwanted and alone, always alone.

"Different," he whispers. 

I open my eyes and he lets go of my hand, pulling me close instead. My arms slide up to his shoulders and behind his neck as he wraps his arms around my waist.

"Rey, what are you doing?" he asks again, his breath near my lips, his hands moving up to my hair. There's a small snap sound and all my hair elastics fly out of my hair. Did I do that? Did he? His fingers are in my hair, his lips close to mine.

The forest spins around me and my stomach drops as we begin to fall. Fear grips me when I see how high up we are.

"Don't let go!" Kylo yells, but it's too late. I'm falling, and he's trying to help me. We somehow land without dying, because Kylo is stronger than me and saves me. But it's not a soft landing. I do a tuck and roll somersault, then lay on the wet ground, looking up. My heart grips tight, too tight. Kylo runs over to me and kneels down beside me.

"Something's wrong," I say. Am I haven't a heart attack? Then I remember the shift I felt coming. It's here.

"Yes. There's been a disturbance in the Force," Kylo says and I know everything is about to change.