The Wolf and the Halla

He Loves Me Not

It wasn't what she had expected. She had thought when he said they were going somewhere that maybe he would propose or tell her something important. How far from the truth.

"The veil is thin here" Solas said as they entered the hidden oasis where they had once killed a wyvern. Twin statues of halla sat on either side of a glittering pool. "Can you feel it, tingling on your skin?" He turned to her and offered his hand, to help her down the few rocky steps.

"Yes." She beamed. "It's amazing." He nodded as he lead her to the middle of the clearing.

"I love you very much." He had came here to tell her the truth, hoping the comfort of magic would grant him the strength he needed. He took in a trembling breath.

She blushed. "I love you too." She twirled around so she was facing him. He gave her a smile. He watched as the setting sun danced off of her amber skin. He watched her eyes glitter with promise. He felt his resolve weakening, she deserved better. He couldn't tell her the truth. He wanted to so badly, but she would hate him. Or worse, she would love him anyways.

"I was trying to determine someway to show you what you mean to me." He said, running his fingers down her face.

"I already know, Solas. You're my.."

"That is the question, is it not?" He interrupted. "For now the best gift I can offer you.. the truth." Another shaky breath, but first he had to tell her everything else. "You are unique. In all of Thedas, I never expected to find someone that could draw my attention from the Fade." He smiled at her "You have become important to me. More important than I could have imagined."

She smiled brightly. "As you are to me."

"Then I must tell you.." He trailed. No, you shouldn't. You won't. "The truth..The marks on your face. The vallaslin. In my journeys in the Fade I have seen things. I have discovered what those marks mean."

"They honor the Elven Gods." Adani stated with confidence.

He shook his head sadly. "No. They are slave markings, or at least they were in the time of ancient Arlathan."

"What? No.. my Keeper, she said that they honored the Gods. That these are their symbols."

He sighed sadly. "Yes. That's right. To a degree. A noble would mark his slaves to honor the God he worshipped. After Arlathan fell, the Dalish forgot."

"What?" Adani turned her green eyes to the ground, then she touched her face. She remembered the painful experience of getting the vallaslin on her face. Her emotions swung from sadness to anguish. "So this is what? Just something else the Dalish got wrong?"

"I'm sorry." He said. It wasn't the truth he'd wanted to share, but it was true.

She took a shaky breath. "We try so hard to preserve our culture" She looked up to him. "And this is what we keep? The marks of a slave? Relics of a time when we were no better than Tevinter."

"No. Don't say that. For all they got wrong, the Dalish got one thing right." He smiled and reached his hand up to her face again, rubbing his fingers over the branches of Mythal on her cheek. "They made you." She blushed but it didn't hide her sadness, and she started to move away. "I didnt tell you this to hurt you. If you like, I know a spell. I can remove the vallaslin."

She seemed to be considering this hard. Thinking of how painful it had been to get. How many times she had looked at the marks with pride. Now she felt ashamed. "If what you say is true.." He nodded his reply. "We vowed to never submit to slavery."

He smiled faintly, "I'm so sorry for causing you pain. It was selfish of me." There's a truth, this whole thing is selfish of you, his inner voice snapped. "I look at you, and I see what you truly are... and you deserve better than what those cruel marks represent."

Adani straightened herself up. "Yes. Remove the vallaslin."

A smile slipped over his face as Solas motioned to a rock. "Sit." She sat, nervously tapping her fingers on her leg.

He sat down softly, as if the rock on which they perched could crumble at any moment. He put his hands up to her face and rubbed his fingers down her face, giving her a reassuring nod. "Relax, Adani. Close your eyes." She closed them, and he admired her face another moment before pulling the spell to his fingertips and wiping the marks from her face.

When he removed his hands from her face, his breath caught. In that moment he had never loved anyone more than her. With her eyes still closed, face in rest, completely trusting in him. He smiled as she opened her eyes, he ran his fingers down her face softly. "Ar lasa mala revas. You are free." He helped her to her feet. A shy smile was on her lips. He shook his head in disbelief at how amazingly gorgeous she was.

"You are so beautiful, vhenan." He wanted to kiss her. One more time. One last time. He touched his lips softly to hers, savoring this last kiss. When he pulled away his eyes wandered, rethinking his actions. He let his hands drop from her body to his sides.

He thought back to what he wanted to tell her that night on the balcony, of how it would be kinder if he did not, but he had already loved her. He had wanted to tell her that the infamous Fen'Harel could not be with her, because he had to destroy the world. The truth was not that simple, he should not be with her, but he had to be. He couldn't imagine living his life without loving this beautiful creature. Losing her would kill him, but he had to leave her now so he could save her, so he could save them all.

She noticed his sudden change in posture, before he even spoke. He looked troubled, conflicted. "And I am sorry. I distracted you from your duty. It will never happen again."

"Wait. What?" Her anger bubbled. "You bring me here, take the vallaslin from my face, and now you just end it?" Her face turned into a scowl. "No." She wasn't accepting it. "No." She looked into his eyes for a trace of regret, they were overflowing with it.

"I'm sorry." He looked at his feet, then back up at her face, pleading for her to understand. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Well, we don't always get what we want do we." She said bitterly.

He backed away his eyes full of sorrow. "I will see you back at Skyhold."

"No. Solas, please. Ar lath ma." She went after him, a tear slipped down her cheek.

"Please, vhenan." He backed away. Holding back his own tears. "You have a rare and marvelous spirit. In another world-"

"No. Why not this one?"

He shook his head sadly. "I.. can't. I'm sorry." He turned to leave. She considered chasing him, but heartache kept her rooted where she was. He had held back his tears, yet as he turned to walk away, defeated by himself, a tear spilled past its barrier and slithered down his cheek.

She was left standing alone in the space that she had once found romantic and astonishing. She felt fire popping off of her skin, the veil sizzled with the intensity of her anger.

Why even bring her out here for this? Why would he bring her here, strip the vallaslin from her face, and then leave her. Why would he tell her how much he loved her, how she was beautiful, and then leave her. She couldn't understand.

Tears stung her eyes and burned their way down her unmarked face. She wiped at them with the back of her hand and whimpered, before collapsing to the ground. The flames of her anger died, and her body cooled.

Eventually, she pulled herself to her feet and walked wearily from the cavern, the magical connection began to fade, and the tingling on her skin dulled. She walked down the mountain, to where her hart waited, tied to a small tree. The hart raised its head, gave a shrill cry, and stamped its hooves excitedly, as she approached.

She went back to Skyhold, but she took her time. Thinking of how she would manage. How she could handle this. Would he simply be gone now? Leaving her alone with her pity. Or would he stay to tempt her with his presence? It didn't matter, the world still needed to be saved.

Check out my new Solavellan series, titled In Your Heart Shall Burn.