FADING DARKNESS

CHAPTER 17: CHOOSING LOVE... OR HATE

Arnab closed his eyes, the pain making him numb to the cold of the weather. Even today, all that had happened had him at the base, had his fault at the roots. His mistakes, his cowardice. If he had not allowed Piya to go, if he had stood up for his first love all those years ago, if he had not betrayed his wife, if he had been a man then all this would not have happened today. His family was falling apart and he was standing there like a fool, letting it happen. If... such a small word, and yet it made such a big difference. He gazed at the red light that was on above the door of the operation theatre and he suddenly felt suffocated. He chanced a glance at his wife. She was sitting on one of those cold hospital benches, her eyes cold and unseeing. She had been sitting like a statue for the last hour since they had arrived at the hospital. And he could not do anything to comfort her.
He felt suddenly empty. He had gained a lot in this life, he was a successful and reputed businessman, people respected him, and yet behind the closed doors of his home, he had nothing. Nothing except sadness and distance.. Distance from his wife, distance from love and warmth, disance from his children. The tears threatened to choke him and he walked away from the corridor, unable to stand there any more..
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Misha felt scared as she looked across at Piya while pulling the car into the parking space of the hospital. She had panicked in the beginning but now sat absolutely still, as tears slid continuosly down her cheeks. Misha felt sorry for her best friend. How much more would she have to suffer before she found the happiness she deserved.
"We're here" said Misha gently as she parked the car.
Piya jumped at her voice. She frantically looked at Misha, clutching her hands tightly. Her hands were so cold, Misha noted. "M-Mish, I can't- I c-can't go in--he'll be in s-so much pain--"
Misha put her other hand over Piya's covering her cold palm with her relatively warm ones. "He'll be fine" she whispered softly, hoping that her words were true. "Now, come on, Piya dear. He needs his sister to give him strength, right?"
Piya's shoulders shook as she cried. Her grip on Misha's hands tightened as she closed her eyes in pain. With a deep breath she looked up, giving a resolute nod. "He's always been with me Mish. I'll be there for him now. Let's go."
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Abhay drove his car into Dehradoon, his mind filled with thoughts of Piya. He hoped that she would be happy with her job as a schoolteacher. Of course, she would always be happier as long as he stayed out of her life, he thought grimly, a feeling of emptiness settling in his heart. He had nothing to give her except pain. Although the trip to Shimla had not been much fruitful as far as his business was concerned, because he would have to come back again next week to finalize the deal, he had, at least in a small way, helped Piya in getting something she had wanted. He hoped that she had smiled on hearing the news, because it would make him happy to think that he had been the reason of her smile at least once, althogh indirectly.
He had promised the Principal to donate money to the school so that a new building could be constructed in the school to enhance facilities there. In return he had asked for only one thing: Piya's acceptance there as a teacher. The Principal had agreed to him, he thought feeling slightly better at the thought. As soon as he reached Dehradoon, he would make another cheque in the name of the school.
So lost was in his thoughts that he did not notice the object of his thoughts at first. Even when he did see her, his mind took a moment to register the fact. Had he started seeing her everywhere? He stopped his car at the side of the road, trying to see more clearly. It was Piya;there was no doubt about it. He would never fail to recognise her. But what was she doing here? She was supposed to be at Shimla, wasn't she? Doing a job, staying with that girl named Misha? Maybe she's discovered that u were behind her getting the job, a voice spoke up in his head, the voice which was becoming more frequent these days. And so she refused it. Why would she accept anything u have to offer anyway?
His heart constricted at the thought, and he took a deep breath, trying to push it aside, trying to brush off the sinking feeling as nothing. And it was then that he noticed that she was entering a hospital. His heart started to thud furiously. A hospital? Why does she need to visit a hospital? Is she--no no, of course she's allright, he told himself, trying to subdue that panic that was rising in him. But it was of no use. The thought would torment him more unless he knew what the matter was. He would just make sure she was fine, he told himself, as he parked the car and stepped out, the chilly wind hitting him like icicles. That was it.
Digging his hands deep into his pockets, he started to walk towards the hospital entrance, trying to keep his worst thoughts at bay.
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Piya rushed down the hospital corridors, Misha following close behind at her heels. She had asked the receptionist about Arjun Dobriyal and was now rushing towards the operating theatre, praying to god that her brother was all right.
She was about to turn round the corner into the corridor of the oprating theatre when she collided with someone.
It as Madhu.
Piya gulped as she recalled their last meeting, in the dining-room of the Dobriyal mansion. For a moment it all came back to her..the accusations, the lack of trust of her own family..the realization that all her life she had lived in lies and secrets she deserved to know...
"What r u doing here?" Madhu's cold voice brought her back to the present. Piya gulped as she looked into her furious eyes. She felt Misha move closer to her, gripping her hand, letting her know she was there. Piya took a deep breath, fighting to keep the tears at bay.
"I- I heard about Bhai's ac-accident. I'm here to-to--how is he? What did the doctors say? Is he all right?"
Madhu took a deep breath, suddenly looking very tired. "Go away." she whispered. "I don't want ur presence here. I'm already worried now, Piya, dreading what will happen to my son. Please, not now."
"P-please" Piya whispered, grabbing hold of Madhu's hands as she turned to go. She hesitated before saying the next word, But what else would she call the person she had thought of as her mother all her life? "M-mama" her voice trembled slightly as she said it, and the tears slid down her cheeks now. "I-I just came t-to see him, make sure he's all right. If u don't want to see me, I'll go away, I s-swear. Just P-please l-let me know h-how he is."
Madhu wrenched her hands away from Piya's, turning to look at her angrily. "U really want to know, huh? U really want it?" she snapped, breathing deeply. "But why should I tell u How my son is, Piya? Why should I tell u when u are the reason my son is in this condition in the first place?"
Piya took a step back as though each of Madhu's words were a physical slap to her. "W-what?" she whispered, and her voice was barely audible to herself.
"He was going to meet u and bring u back" Madhu continued, the words tumbling over one another in her anger. She Grabbed Piya by the shoulders and shook her. "I didn't want him to--but would he listen? Wouls he ever listen to his mother as far as u were concerned?" She let Piya go with a jerk, sobbing. Piya stood there, gazing at Madhu, too stunned to react, the pain intensifying in her eyes.
"Aunty, Please--" Misha tried to cut in.
But Madhu held up her hand. "Enough." she said, her voice as hard as steel. "I guess it's pointless trying to speak to u. I don't want to see u here a second longer. You are the root of all the problems in my family, and I have enough worries without having to handle u as well. Just go."
"M-mama please.."
"D-don't call me that!" Madhu snapped, her voice so sharp that Piya actually flinched. "Haven't i already told u that? I am not ur mother. Do I need to repeat it again? I've raised u looking at Arnab's face all these years, but it was a mistake clearly. My own son--now--the accident" Her eyes teared up and she put her hands over her heart, taking deep breaths. She glared at Piya. "That woman--" she said, her voice sounding full of hate and defeated at the same time. "If that woman hadn't come in between--"Piya stared at Madhu, stepping back further, her hand going to clutch the pendant she was wearing; the pendant with an 'S'. "If Sugandh hadn't come in between" Madhu's voice grew stronger, as she rubbed the tears off from her eyes. "then Arnab" she closed her eyes, shaking her head and then looked back at Piya. "U wouldn't have been here then." she whispered coldly. Misha put her arms around Piya's shoulders, shaking her urgently. "piya let's go. Don't listen to her." But Piya shook her head, standing where she was, her eyes on Madhu. "And all this mess wouldn't have occurred!" Madhu finished angrily.
They stared at each other, for a moment that seemed to stretch for an eternity. Misha too was frozen, her hands still around Piya.
And then someone stepped in between them, shielding Piya from Madhu's hateful look and cold words. Abhay.
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Abhay had followed after Piya into the hospital, managing to keep her in sight as she rushed through the corridors, taking care that he, on the other hand, stayed out of her sight. Then he saw her collide with someone and come to a stop. He realized that the person with whom Piya had collided was Madhu Dobriyal. What was Madhu doing here? Was the whole Dobriyal family here? Why, he wondered, puzzled. He stopped too, as he saw them conversing. At first he couldn't hear them, but the contemptuous look on Madhu's face made his confusion deepen. He couldn't see Piya's face, but he saw Misha try to speak before Madhu stopped her. Instinct told him that Piya was in pain and he went a little forward, desperate to hear them, not caring that he was eavesdropping. He needed to know what the matter was.
He was just in time to hear her say.."M-mama please.." her voice was desperate, pleading and a little apologetic. What was she apologizing for?
"D-don't call me that!" Madhu's tone made him look at her shocked. In the couple of times Abhay had seen Madhu Dobriyal, she had struck him as a polite woman, gentle to say the least. So he couldn't make sense of the venomous tone with which she had said those words--and why would she not want Piya to call her mother? And why was there an underlying faint tone of sadness, defeat in Madhu's voice?
"Haven't i already told u that? he heard her continue. "I am not ur mother. Do I need to repeat it again? I've raised u looking at Arnab's face all these years, but it was a mistake clearly. My own son--now--the accident."Arjun? Accident? Abhay struggled to connect the two words together. Was that the reason why Piya was here? A sort of selfish relief went through him as he realized that Piya was all right. But the happiness he should have felt on hearing about Arjun's accident was not there. It didn't make sense. Arjun was the enemy. Abhay should have been happy that he was in pain. But looking at Piya, Abhay could only feel emptiness, a sort of hollowness. There was none of that triumphant feel that he had expected to feel. But he didn't get much time to think about it as the next words hit him like a bucket of ice-cold water dropped on his head."That woman--If that woman hadn't come in between--then Arnab--U wouldn't have been here then.And all this mess wouldn't have occurred!"
For a split second, the words echoed blankly in Abhay's head, not quite making sense. Madhu wasn't Piya's mother? Somebody else was. Somebody named Sugandh. Realizations rushed through his head. Piya Dobriyal was Arjun's half-sister? How--? When--?
Abhay was breathing faster now, dazed and stunned. Did Piya know--? He looked at her, as though seeing her for the first time. Piya and Madhu were both staring at each other, as though frozen. But he could sense Piya's sadness, as though her pain had become his, as though he could feel what she felt. He did not know when tis had become the case, but it was undeniable. And Abhay realized that he needed to protect Piya. Protect her from Madhu's venomous words she didn't deserve, protect her from being accused of a fault that wasn't hers, that had never been hers. And so his feet carried him automatically towards them and he stepped in between Madhu and Piya.
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"Enough" Abhay's firm voice broke the frozen silence. Madhu blinked, looking up to meet Abhay's blue eyes. "U've said enough, Mrs. Dobriyal. I suspect, more than enough."
Madhu blinked another couple of times, looking slightly disoriented before she pulled herself together. "Abhay Raichand? Pleased to see you." she said, although her expression said that she was far from pleased. "But with all due politeness, I'd like to tell u that this is none of ur business. So--"
Abhay almost blurted out that it was his business. It was his business very much, as far as Piya was concerned. But he checked himself in time. He was sure no other person here felt the same. So instead, he coolly said. "I was merely pointing out that this is no way to speak to ur daughter, specially when she is not at fault." he put emphasis on the last word.
There was steely moment of silence, as Madhu stared at Abhay and Abhay stared right back, his eyes making it clear that he meant every word he had said. Madhu's lips moved wordlessly but she did not say anything. She turned on her heel and disappeared round the corridor.
Abhay stared at her retreating back till she could no longer be seen. Then he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and turned around to look at Piya. Her face was buried in Misha's shoulder and she shook as she cried. Misha rested her chin on Piya's shoulder, patting her comfortingly.
Pain choked him at the sight of her, because he knew deep down, that it was not Madhu alone who was responsible for this broken Piya.
"Piya--" he whispered, not knowing what else to say.
Piya looked up at his voice. They stared at each other, for the longest moment till date before Abhay blinked and looked away. He couldn't bear to look at Piya's eyes anymore without feeling the guilt gnawing at him: there was sadness in her eyes, agony, but the thing that hurt him most was to see the defeat in her eyes now.
"What, Abhay?" she asked, and though he had longed for so long to hear her say his name, he wished he hadn't, the hopeless surrender with which she uttered his name made pain sear through him. "I guess u heard it all" She gave a short laugh. "Who I am. What I am. An outcast. More reason for u to smile, right, Abhay?"
"Piya--" Misha called but neither of the other two listened to her.
Abhay looked striken. "U-u still think I--" he took a deep breath. "Ur opinions of me haven't changed at all, I see."
Piya looked away now, blinking her tears away, or at least trying to blink them away. She closed her eyes as she spoke. "I-my brother is--he's faced an accident. I've come to see him. Please leave me now." She opened her eyes, lookinfg back at him. "U can taunt me later on, as much as you want. Please not now."
Something in Abhay snapped. He grabbed Piya and pulled her closer, staring right into her eyes. "Listen to me, Piya! I didn't come here to t-taunt you or anything!I'm sorry about ur brother. I didn't know about that." he hissed angrily. Piya looked slightly shaken. "And I did hear everything Madhu Dobriyal said. It doen't change anything. Do u hear me? Nothing! U r still the same Piya to me, get it?"
"abhay, stop manhandling my friend" Misha's angry voice cut in. Abhay's eyes flickered once to Misha and then back at Piya, who refused to meet his eyes. He took a deep breath trying to control himself, and slowly let go of her, taking a few steps back.
"I-I'm sorry" he muttered, running his hands through his hair. " I didn't mean--I only came beacuse--" he stopped speaking, not wanting to say that he had followed Piya into the hospital, fearing that she might be ill.
Misha had wrapped her arms around Piya again. "You've done enough to my friend, Mr. Raichand, we're all well aware of that" she said icily, looking up at Abhay. "I'd appreciate if u stay away from her." "Come on, Piya" she added to Piya, taking the turn and stepping into the operation theatre corridor.
Abhay could only step aside as he watched Misha lead Piya away, feeling terrible.Just then the doors to the operating theatre opened. Madhu rushed forwad as the surgeon came out. "Doctor, how is he? How is my son?"
Doctor opened the mask around his mouth and spoke. "The operation is progressing well, mrs. Dobriyal. But there's a complication. We need blood. Within an hour. Or the patient will turn critical."
Madhu's face paled. "Sure, Doctor, I'll tell my husband right away to get it from the blood bank--"
But the doctor was already shaking his head. "The patient has a rare bloodgroup. AB negative. The rarest of the rare. At present there is no supply of this group in our hospital. U must arrange it. And soon please."
Madhu clapped her hands over her mouth, rushuing in the opposite direction, where she vanished round the corner, probably going to call he husband. Piya and Misha had heard everything too. Piya sank down on one of the benches, clutching Misha's hand.
"Calm down Piya, we'll arrange the blood." Misha whispered.
"But-but--it's rare, didn't u hear the doctor Mish?" Abhay heard Piya's panic-filled voice. "I--can't take it Mish--please I --I want him to be all right again--I-I--"
She started to cry in fear.
Abhay watched her, his heart thudding. The doctor's voice echoed in his ears. Rarest of rare groups--AB negative--no supply of this group in our hospital. The answer appeared to him, simple, clear. There was a way out really. But it was so ironical that he almost laughed aloud.Only his decision stood in the way. He gazed at Piya who was crying. It was clear to him. Choose one. Hate or love. He could be selfish and choose his hate or he could put aside his avenging mind, and choose his love. He looked at Piya again. For a moment, he imagined her smiling face, remembered her twinkling eyes. She was worth so much more than he was. The doctor had walked past him now, calling to some assistant doctor. He turned around hurried to the doctor and called out to him. " Excuse me, Doctor" he said. "I'd like to donate blood for Arjun Dobriyal" he said.