FADING DARKNESS

CHAPTER 26: NEAR...YET FAR

Piya wiped her tears as she walked towards Misha's house. Her heart was breaking inside, Abhay's words and accusations still beating inside her brain like a drum, till her head throbbed and she wanted to scream out loud at the pain they were causing. But she wouldn't break down, she thought swiping at the tears more determinedly as though more force could prevent the tears from falling altogether. And through the pain, she could feel the slight anger bubbling up. She wouldn't let Abhay keep her away from Haseena aunty, come what may. Haseena had been by her during one of the darkest phases of her life yet and she was determined to stay by her too. She would visit Haseena aunty, somehow, even if it came at the cost of facing more wrath. And maybe...
Piya's thoughts suddenly came to a halt. So did her footsteps as she registered the person standing in front of her. It was Madhu.
***************
Abhay stepped inside, hoping that his face gave away none of the inner turmoil he felt right now. For a moment, the sight of his mother lying there, so weak and helpless on the hospital bed, looking at him, made him forget his own pain because of the fight with Piya. He went and sat beside her, taking hold of her hand as he wordlessly looked back at her. He wished he could say something, but his jaw muscles seemed frozen, and he couldn't even work up a smile. It was Haseena who broke the silence.
"I am fine, Abhay. It's Ok." She said, smiling at him.
Abhay wished for a fleeting moment that Piya was there beside him and immediately felt a lump rise up in his throat at the thought.
"What's the matter?" Haseena spoke again.
Abhay merely shook his head, sitting down on the stool beside the bed. It took him a huge amount of effort to curve his lips into a smile as he took his mother's hand.
"I thought I'd lost you." His voice was vulnerable, scared.
"Oh, Abhay" Haseena sighed, gently squeezing her son's hand. "I'm here, and I'm not leaving you."
Abhay managed to nod. His whole body felt stiff, and though a part of him was glad at seeing his mother awake, the other part of him wished that it could see the look on Piya's face if she had been here. She would have been so immensely happy.
"what are you hiding from me, Abhay?" Haseena asked.
Abhay shook his head. "How are you feeling? Should I call the doctors? Do you need anything? Shall I-?"
"Just sit by me, Abhay." Haseena said quietly, a tired sigh leaving her. "I must have kept everyone so worried." She looked away from Abhay, staring at the ceiling. "The kids...they must be so alone...but Piya will be there"but Piya must be so worried too""
"Piya will be fine." Abhay heard himself say, more to himself than to Haseena. But she looked at him with a surprised look.
"You know Piya?"
It was Abhay who looked away this time. "We've"met" he said evasively. "But now is not the time to worry, Mother, you need rest and""
"I assume you and Piya have more than just met?" Haseena interrupted him, her voice quiet.
Abhay looked up to meet her eyes, surprised that she had realized that so quickly.
Haseena sighed. "I'm your mother Abhay. You can't hide things from your mother. I can read your eyes, your thoughts. She is someone special to you, right?"
Abhay shifted uncomfortably. "You really need to rest." He said. "Don't talk too much, you'll stress."
"Did something happen between you two?" Haseena enquired, ignoring his words.
Abhay sighed. She was not letting this go, was she? She would only end up stressing herself more if he continued to evade her questions. So he told her about their fight, and the reason for it, looking down at his hands as he spoke, feeling that tightness in his chest again.
When he had finished, he heard her give an exasperated sigh. He looked up at her, a look of confusion on his face.
"Abhay" Haseena looked at him, a frustrated look on her pale face. She took in a deep breath and continued. "What is the matter with you? You need to think before you act! Do you realize how much you have hurt her?"
"And she didn't?" Abhay spoke, annoyed that his mother was siding with Piya. "She deceived me, she did, and she brought Dad here! When she knew about everything that had happened! And that too without telling me!"
Haseena started to speak, but suddenly winced and put her hand on her chest.
"What is it?" Abhay asked at once, alarmed. "I'm calling a doctor."
"It's nothing. Sit Abhay." Haseena said, as he made to stand up. "See, it's gone now. It was just momentary."
"All the same, that heart is going to go through an operation!" Abhay looked at Haseena accusingly. "You were allowing yourself to live with the risk of dying every day!"
"We all live with that Abhay." She smiled weakly at him.
"All the same" said Abhay, undeterred. "You are going to have an operation and there's going to be no further debate on this."
"Okay, okay" said Haseena. "But I have a condition."
"What is it?"
"You should go and apologize to Piya for hurting her. And also, do tell her to meet me. I miss that girl."
I do too. Abhay thought, swallowing hard.
"And you know that she didn't mean to hurt you. She isn't like that."
Abhay stared down at his hands, saying nothing.
"What has happened between Chand and me in in the past. Don't let that come between you, Abhay. Don't make the mistakes we did. Trust me, the guilt will bury you."
Abhay now looked up to see his mother's pained, remorseful eyes.
"How can you forgive him so easily?" Abhay questioned.
"I can, because we both made mistakes." Haseena said, her voice low and calm. "What happened was our doing, not only his."
She closed her eyes, sighing again. Abhay watched her chest rise and fall silently, thinking of their conversation. Finally reaching a decision, he got up, leaning over to give Haseena a kiss on her forehead. Haseena's eyes opened, a smile reaching her lips , a sheen of moisture in her eyes. She slowly planted her dry lips on Abhay's left cheek, and Abhay's spirits lifted a little. A mother's kiss. Always comforting, no matter the situation.
"I'll bring Piya to you." He told her, gently clasping her hand.
"Not just to me." Haseena told him, her eyes slowly closing again. "Bring her to yourself as well."
**
"We need to talk." Said Madhu, breaking the silence.
Her voice brought back to Piya all the memories of that had happened that day when those pictures had appeared in the newspaper. She could remember the sting of Madhu's slap on her face still.
"I don't want to." She said now, turning away. She didn't have the strength for this. Especially not now. She started to walk up the steps leading to the door.
"I'm sorry, Piya."
Those words halted her in her tracks. For a moment she stood still, then slowly turned around, confusion and disbelief on her face, disbelief that Madhu was actually apologizing.
"W-what?" she stammered.
Madhu sighed. "Piya, I have judged you too harshly in the past and for that I am sorry." She paused, glancing around. "Could we sit and talk over this, please? I won't take long."
Piya stood still for a moment, processing the words, not really understanding the intentions behind it. Finally, she nodded curtly and turned, ascending the steps once again. It was the day of storms, she reflected. So it might be better if she faced all the storms at once.
She led Madhu in, motioning towards the sofa. "It's Misha's house" she added, as Madhu gave an enquiring look around before settling down on the sofa.
"So?" Piya asked, careful to keep her face blank, as she sat opposite Madhu, wishing that this meeting would be over soon.
Madhu looked straight at Piya. "Piya, you and I both know our relationship over the years." She started. "And it's been far from pleasant. It was my bitterness and resentment which I directed towards you. I want you to understand. I have loved Arnab for a long time. And I love him still. I couldn't bring myself to resent him for that"that incident. But I was resentful. Oh I was. And a part of me angered by jealousy for that woman who had been his first love." Her eyes, Piya noticed, look sad. "So when you came, I took it out on you. I couldn't be angry at him, I resented you instead." She paused, drawing her breath.
Piya glanced away. "I"I do not"I do understand your way of looking at things." she said, her voice low. "And it's expected. Though I did wish, a level of trust might have been there for me in you."
Madhu's lips trembled slightly. "I know. I should have"I should have given you the chance to explain the situation. But I wasn't thinking, and -"
"But I'm thankful to you for that day. I learned a lot about the illusions I'd been living under." Piya unconsciously touched the P pendant on her neck. "Only Arjun Bhai was real."
"Piya" Madhu said. "Please don't blame Arnab. He wants you back at home."
"Oh really?" Piya's anger exploded. "So he sent you here to tell me that? Couldn't come himself?"
Madhu sighed. "You know it's never been easy for him." She said quietly. "He has always been a rather, conflicted man who gives in to his conflicts. But he loves you Piya, he really does."
"Thank you for telling me that." Said Piya, a feeling of hurt enveloping her.
Madhu stood up, sighing. "I know you are still angry, Piya and you have reason to be. I can't promise to love you unconditionally like a mother, I'm only human. But I will not be resentful, not any longer. And do not be too hard on your father. Do forgive him, if not me. You have a big heart Piya, I know."
As she exited the room, Piya leaned back, suddenly drained. Her thoughts went inadvertently back to Abhay, and his hatred against his father. Was this how he felt then, the way she was feeling at the moment, angry and betrayed by the people who were supposed to be the closest? She stood up, deciding to go for a walk, feeling suddenly suffocated. As she stepped out into the fresh air again, a thought crossed her mind.
Was she and Abhay really that different?
Her thoughts were brought to a halt for the second time by the person standing in front of her. It was Abhay. Surprise at his sudden presence seeped through her body instantly followed by pain. She had confessed that he loved him, and he had torn her apart. What did he want now?
"I want to talk to you." He said just then, looking steadily at her, his gaze making her look away.
"I don't want to talk to you" she said instead, anger seeping into her voice. She turned around and started to walk back towards the house but he was beside her in a second, catching hold of her elbow.
"Just listen to me, will you!!" he hissed, his voice sounding agitated.
Piya closed her eyes and took a deep breath, mentally counting to ten before turning around.
"Okay, say what you have to say and go. And keep your hands off me while you talk." She added, icily.
Abhay looked shocked at her words, and he opened his mouth to say something, before letting go of her and stepping back, his hands clenching into fists.
"I"well"Mom wants to meet you. You must go and see her." He said, suddenly hating the fact that he couldn't hold her. Had it been just this morning when he had carried her in his arms? But he had brought this upon himself. His teeth gritted at the thought.
It was becoming more and more difficult for Piya to maintain her indifferent faade. She herself was crumbling inside and she could tell he was in pain too. His face was mask-like but his eyes gave it away.
But she forced herself to not react, except raising one eyebrow.
"You came to tell me that?" she said coolly. "Well, then I have to say you wasted your time, you know. I would have gone and met her anyway. In case you haven't noticed, people don't move around according to your wishes."
Abhay looked startled at her words and tone but he didn't say anything. There was a short silence as Piya started to turn away, and Abhay again had that impulsive urge to pull her towards him. "Come with me Piya. I'll take you to the hospital."
"No thanks, I can go there myself."
Abhay sighed, then spoke. "But Mom wanted me to take you Piya. Please."
Piya stood still for a moment, then turned back to face him. "Okay let's go then. Where's your car?"
"This way" said Abhay, starting to lead the way. He could tell that Piya was going only because he had said that Haseena wanted to see him bring Piya and that it was nothing to do with him. He realized how immensely he had hurt her earlier with his caustic words. The guilt hit him harder as he realized he had been wrong with his words. Maybe what he had felt was justified to some extent, but did Piya deserve, really deserve those accusations. His mother had been right, Piya's intentions hadn't been bad.
"Sorry." The word came out of his lips as they both settled inside his car.
"Oh I'm sure you are" said Piya, starting to settle into her seatbelt. "Until the next time you decide to shout, of course."
Abhay's jaw clenched as he started the car. Piya looked out of the window, determinedly gazing away from him.
"I really am sorry Piya. For everything." He said again, as he started to drive, only to be greeted by stony silence. He sighed. For once, he hated the silence. It was filled with hurt and anger and guilt. He needed her smile back, he realized. He needed her care back, and her love. And I will get it back, he vowed to himself, chancing a glance at her before looking back towards the road. I won't stop till I succeed.